Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Achievements
lighter:
--- Quote from: Twoapenny on August 04, 2019, 10:54:43 AM ---Wow, Lighter, you have been busy! Your food descriptions always make my mouth water, everything sounds so yummy! And I love the idea of trying different dishes in a couple of restaurants. Really good to skip the drag show if you just decided you didn't want to go rather than forcing yourself to sit through it and get home tired. Love that DD gave you a hug :)
The Brain Centre sounds so interesting, is it a course of treatment you've booked up for or will it be a long term thing for you? It sounds like it's really helping. I'm glad. I hope the breathing helps with the paperwork. I tried, without stress, and failed. I've lost an important file, and am trying to locate all receipts, one at a time, and it's not going well.
My big achievement for today is that I started on the paperwork! My anxiety grew the close I got to doing it and as I sat down and started pulling files towards me definite PTSD type symptoms started - tight chest, difficulty breathing, sick feeling in stomach, a kind of prickly heat on my arms and back, sweating and my brain starts firing off in a million different places - imaginary arguments that might come up with people, old arguments that have come up in the past, images of the social worker driving off with my little boy in the car (that didn't actually happen but it was a recurring dream I had for several years afterwards, where she dragged him out of my arms while my mum stood there laughing and encouraging her and then she drove off with him. Just typing that I can feel the rage and the venom rising up from my stomach and I want to punch them both in the face).I'm so sorry, (((Tupp.,)) My T would say to get up and PUSH ON THAT WALL with all your might. That energy is real, and it's driving up through your body, and out your arms and legs to DO DO DO, and it's better to do push ups, or sit ups, PUSH and let it discharge, which is always the opposite of what I want to do when I feel stressed. That feeling stressed, and planning for bad situations, and situations from the past is a coping strategy, Tupp, and we're both used to doing it. It's saved us in the past, but it's hurting us now.
We learn to breath, walk, push our way out from under the alarm bells, and engage higher brain... then go back to the task at hand, and keep doing that until we get more control over the alarm bells. Soon, we train our systems into parasympathetic mode, or at least build those pathways up, so they're stronger and more easily used.
But I am digressing. I am going to make an appointment to see the GP and get the PTSD type stuff recorded and ask her for a letter that explains how ill dealing with them makes me so I can wave it at people when necessary (our previous GP did this for me a couple of years ago; it's one of the things that frustrates me about the system - no-one will take me at my word but if the GP writes up what I tell her they'll accept it). Yes. Sounds very helpful.
I have written up a very detailed list of what I need to do, resources I need to gather together, information I need to read, people I need to contact and so on. I had notes on all of it but where I've been so tired they were scattered and scrappy so I've written it all up fresh, in a notebook so that I can make notes about what I'm doing as I go along. Sometimes notes, and files are easy to locate for me. Sometimes I'm lost in a sea of information. I envy your organization skills. I've got ten stressful paperwork jobs to do and then five less stressful ones as they're more to do with putting together a new home based programme for son, checking new venues, reading up on benefit changes when he turns 18 and so on. So ten hideous ones and five not hideous ones. I think you have the skill of breaking down tasks into realistic pieces and carrying them out. Unhooking those old alarm bells seems like it would be super helpful, Tupp.
I've given myself a week to deal with each job and written the date it needs to be finished by. Three of the jobs are basically just emails and shouldn't take long to do at all. A couple of the complaints are fairly straightforward and shouldn't take too long either. The last job on the list will only be necessary if the earlier complaints don't set the wheels in motion so I might not need to do that at all. So I'm hoping that the quick jobs will balance out the slower ones and that I'll be able to move through the list a bit quicker than I've timetabled, but either way, we should be at the top of the paperwork mountain by the end of November (unless we have another court hearing but I'll leave that to one side for now as I won't know about that for another couple of months).
I'm aiming to do two hours a day on it and want to work Monday to Friday, but did decide to get one session in today to get the ball rolling. I armed myself with tea and water, took various flower remedies (which I've carried on taking as I work) and sucked on my CBD vape a lot. I've got relaxing music on in the background and I'm going to keep stopping to tidy up around myself as I go, because I find the mess distracting and I find it hard to find things if it's untidy so I'm going to keep on top of that as part of it. You're an amazing Amazon, Tupp.
I feel shaky but I'm going to plough on with it now. I feel better for the five weeks of rest I've had - an awful lot of my symptoms have reduced significantly over the last month, including the menopause stuff, so I do feel a lot of it is exacerbated by stress and exhaustion, if not caused by it. I feel better for being organised and feel like I can get on with it more now. I've made myself sit down by 3pm so that I can be finished by 5pm and then we can have tea and go to the beach. ::picturing Tupp at the beach::. So wise to get out into nature.
So that's my achievement for today! Feel sick but I'm going to keep pushing past it and hopefully by Friday I will be making some good progress. xx You're amazing. Lighter
--- End quote ---
Meh:
Two, good job on being ahead of schedule, one less thing to do.
Meh:
Organized the desktop files on my laptop!! wooo hooo less clutter. It's crazy that technology is another place that can get cluttered.
Also got my emails from 600 down to about 25. Now that I am starting to get important emails for once might as well clean it.
Went for a walk at night looked at stars was nice.
Hopalong:
Bravo, G!
Seriously.
Hops
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: CB123 on August 04, 2019, 07:58:00 PM ---This made me feel better just reading what you all did! I'm afraid I havent been near so productive though.
Actually slept all night and woke up without an earache for first time in over a week. I think I'm on the mend!
Coffee and breakfast and online obsessing about politics (waving at Skep and Hops).
Texted my daughter back and forth about her trip here next week. This is the first time that she has come home on a trip that I havent had to work most of the time. Ever. We are going to art exhibits and out to dinner, and over to my son's and his boyfriends apartment for tacos. Then hanging out with other sons for rest of week. I am so looking forward to it and the planning was half the fun.
Pulled together my paperwork to send to leasing office for new apartment. Bright and early Monday morning, and hopefully no snafus, and it should be all squared away. Then spent some time planning room arrangement in new living room!
Made 2 veggie pizzas and chatted with son. Called other daughter and caught up on things (so nice to be talking again) and found homes with her for several items that won't fit into new apartment.
Grocery shop. It. Is. So. Hot. Outside. Shlep groceries in and dirty laundry out.
Washed clothes but whole system went down before I could dry them. GRRRR. One of many reasons I am moving.
Piled wet clothes into car and drove to the other laundry center in complex. You could fry an egg in there
Now I'm drinking kombucha and try to cool down before I go get them --and then I am in for the night.
Did I pack? No. But no negative stuff. Only what I DID do, right?
CB
--- End quote ---
That sounds to me like you did a lot, CB! And yep, what we did do, not what we didn't :) And I think things like getting a good night's sleep count as achievements, because they're so beneficial to us (and sometimes so hard to achieve). So I think that one is a biggie :) Do you know when you get in to your new apartment? Glad you got the paperwork together and sorted out :) xx xx
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