Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Achievements
lighter:
Yesterday I got to the brain center by 8:30, and went home at 12:30.
Honored chicken bones from 4 roasted chickens... made stock, with plans to make soup. Made chicken salad. Asked neighbor about operating her pressure washer... it's not working for me. Seems I need to turn on power, water, the squeeze the trigger to make it work. I didn't expect it to sputter to life after a bit of time pulling trigger goes by. I thought it would just work when I turned on the power.
Took youngest dd17 downtown with me for T appointment. DD went walking, then I caught up after I was free.
The weather was overcast, cool and breezy so we walked around, and chose restaurants to have one or two dishes. We chose a Thai restaurant, then an Indian restaurant. Every bite was lovely.
Skipped the 9pm drag show we'd set out to attend. Refused to feel like we failed. Chatted all the way home. I really enjoyed her company, and she thanked me for getting her out of the house. She's been sleeping a lot since wisdom teeth came out.
Got to bed early, and slept well.
I love the idea of this thread, Tupp. THANKS!
Lighter
lighter:
Got up at 5am.
Took DD18 to work at 6:45am... DD is doing all the driving with me in the car now. She's doing great, and will take her driver's test in September, along with youngest dd17.
Went home and sweated kafir leaves, onion, garlic, ginger, red curry paste, and lemongrass for Tom Kha recipe, while cleaning out fridge, and doing those dishes.
strained chicken out of stock, and froze till garbage day.
blended carrots, and stock for carrot ginger soup, put in fridge.
Had a bath, went through morning ablutions.
Transferred spices to stock, then boiled in stock for half hour, before turning off, and leaving to brew. We love this soup.
Got to brain center on time, and had a really good day asking lots of questions.
Picked DD18 up from work at 1pm, then headed home to finish soup for early meal. boiled shrimp, rice noodles, then browned chicken jalapeno sausage. Picked fresh basil from planter on front porch. We ate together, which doesn't happen generally. Oldest dd18 was bubbly, and happy to be with us/me. I got a hug: )
Decided not to go to father's lake house, bc of weather. I have paperwork to do, and will see how I feel about it. I need to transfer title of a vehicle, so need to be in that State during business hours.
I feel I've come a long way with all the breathing I've been doing. I mindfully practice at the brain center, then spend time working on it afterwards, and notice I'm doing it without thinking, OR I notice when I'm not, and work on it. When I started the protocol my oxygen level was 95%. Now it's 98%. I was appalled when the doc said smokers typically stay at 95%. I'm not only a shallow breather, basically short breaths in and short out. Taking 5 second breaths in, and 10 seconds breaths out really helps. I notice I'm breathing differently, and that I'm aware of my breathing often.
One of the things that helped with the oxygen levels were two chiro adjustments. Since one of my legs was much shorter, he worked on that too. Afterwards, my left hip said HELLO, a time or two. He said when one leg is shorter, that side is usually favored, and carries less weight. Shifting back to the same length, and 50/50 typically means we'll feel it on that weaker side.
Thought a lot today about how different it feels to NOT live in fear and dread. I can say that I noticed I'm in a great space, then determined I don't want to go back to living any other way. I can't imagine doing that. I tapped on 2 important things today, during the brain cold laser sessions.
I noticed I sometimes have complete relief when I tap on problematic topics. I noticed one thing I tapped hasn't been completely resolved, and I'm going to tap on it some more using different words, and focus.
Twoapenny:
Wow, Lighter, you have been busy! Your food descriptions always make my mouth water, everything sounds so yummy! And I love the idea of trying different dishes in a couple of restaurants. Really good to skip the drag show if you just decided you didn't want to go rather than forcing yourself to sit through it and get home tired. Love that DD gave you a hug :)
The Brain Centre sounds so interesting, is it a course of treatment you've booked up for or will it be a long term thing for you? It sounds like it's really helping. I'm glad. I hope the breathing helps with the paperwork.
My big achievement for today is that I started on the paperwork! My anxiety grew the close I got to doing it and as I sat down and started pulling files towards me definite PTSD type symptoms started - tight chest, difficulty breathing, sick feeling in stomach, a kind of prickly heat on my arms and back, sweating and my brain starts firing off in a million different places - imaginary arguments that might come up with people, old arguments that have come up in the past, images of the social worker driving off with my little boy in the car (that didn't actually happen but it was a recurring dream I had for several years afterwards, where she dragged him out of my arms while my mum stood there laughing and encouraging her and then she drove off with him. Just typing that I can feel the rage and the venom rising up from my stomach and I want to punch them both in the face).
But I am digressing. I am going to make an appointment to see the GP and get the PTSD type stuff recorded and ask her for a letter that explains how ill dealing with them makes me so I can wave it at people when necessary (our previous GP did this for me a couple of years ago; it's one of the things that frustrates me about the system - no-one will take me at my word but if the GP writes up what I tell her they'll accept it).
I have written up a very detailed list of what I need to do, resources I need to gather together, information I need to read, people I need to contact and so on. I had notes on all of it but where I've been so tired they were scattered and scrappy so I've written it all up fresh, in a notebook so that I can make notes about what I'm doing as I go along. I've got ten stressful paperwork jobs to do and then five less stressful ones as they're more to do with putting together a new home based programme for son, checking new venues, reading up on benefit changes when he turns 18 and so on. So ten hideous ones and five not hideous ones.
I've given myself a week to deal with each job and written the date it needs to be finished by. Three of the jobs are basically just emails and shouldn't take long to do at all. A couple of the complaints are fairly straightforward and shouldn't take too long either. The last job on the list will only be necessary if the earlier complaints don't set the wheels in motion so I might not need to do that at all. So I'm hoping that the quick jobs will balance out the slower ones and that I'll be able to move through the list a bit quicker than I've timetabled, but either way, we should be at the top of the paperwork mountain by the end of November (unless we have another court hearing but I'll leave that to one side for now as I won't know about that for another couple of months).
I'm aiming to do two hours a day on it and want to work Monday to Friday, but did decide to get one session in today to get the ball rolling. I armed myself with tea and water, took various flower remedies (which I've carried on taking as I work) and sucked on my CBD vape a lot. I've got relaxing music on in the background and I'm going to keep stopping to tidy up around myself as I go, because I find the mess distracting and I find it hard to find things if it's untidy so I'm going to keep on top of that as part of it.
I feel shaky but I'm going to plough on with it now. I feel better for the five weeks of rest I've had - an awful lot of my symptoms have reduced significantly over the last month, including the menopause stuff, so I do feel a lot of it is exacerbated by stress and exhaustion, if not caused by it. I feel better for being organised and feel like I can get on with it more now. I've made myself sit down by 3pm so that I can be finished by 5pm and then we can have tea and go to the beach.
So that's my achievement for today! Feel sick but I'm going to keep pushing past it and hopefully by Friday I will be making some good progress. xx
Twoapenny:
And first job finished! I am now officially a week ahead of schedule! Lol xx
Twoapenny:
Second job done. Have decided to spend the first and last ten minutes of each session tidying and organising so that I can keep on top of things.
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