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Just wondering how you would answer this question?

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Bettyanne:
Hi friends...
I'm dealing with my husband having prostate cancer that spread and now a sarcoma cancer formed in his leg.

If your husband or spouse was dying of cancer would you dump their meds and fill with sugar?

That is what my NM did to my dad many years ago.....When I ask this question of a so called friend the answer I got was that is what people did at the time.
OMG who could do that to anyone who is in so much pain and dying?  The friend who answered me and said that is what people did....I think is another Narcissistic/Borderline?
What do you think of the question and this friend?
Another friend said to me did she dislike him that much?  I remember my mother said a week after my dad died she was happy he died....
My dad was sweet and kind man.....but what kind of person would do this to someone in that much pain???
Thanks, Bettyanne

lighter:

--- Quote from: Bettyanne on September 18, 2019, 09:53:11 PM ---Hi friends...
I'm dealing with my husband having prostate cancer that spread and now a sarcoma cancer formed in his leg.

If your husband or spouse was dying of cancer would you dump their meds and fill with sugar?
Closing mouth after it hung open so long my tongue dried off::.

That is what my NM did to my dad many years ago.....When I ask this question of a so called friend the answer I got was that is what people did at the time.
OMG who could do that to anyone who is in so much pain and dying?  The friend who answered me and said that is what people did....I think is another Narcissistic/Borderline?  Ummm.... your mom dumped pain meds necessary to keep your father comfortable while he died of cancer?  That is super F'd up, and I can see no positive reason for doing that.
What do you think of the question and this friend?  Maybe that's what sociopaths do with their spouse's pain meds, but it's not what compassionate people do with them, IME.
Another friend said to me did she dislike him that much?  I remember my mother said a week after my dad died she was happy he died....
My dad was sweet and kind man.....but what kind of person would do this to someone in that much pain??? I realize I'm judging here, and I wish I could change that in a day, but I can't.  The kind of person who would do that is someone who lacks empathy for others, is controlling, and feels the rules don't apply to them.  Super PD, IME.  Super not OK.  I wonder what happened to your mother that made her that way.   Surely, there's some trauma in her early years.
 So sorry to read that, Bettyanne.  I'm sure you're a wonderful mate and caregiver for your husband.  I'm sorry the situation is bringing up your father's situation, but maybe working through it is a good thing.  Maybe it's time to deal with all that information, and make sense of it,  so you can finish and put it away for good?

Take care,
Lighter
Thanks, Bettyanne

--- End quote ---

Twoapenny:
Oh BettyAnne, it's so hard to be in a situation like yours anyway, and then to have it evoke or trigger earlier experiences is even harder.  I do feel for you.

I am in agreement with Lighter.  Yes, there is a lot of stuff that people 'did back then' that was either legal, socially acceptable or just something people turned a blind eye to.  But that doesn't stop the action itself being cruel and unnecessary, it doesn't lessen the impact on the people it affected and clearly enough people didn't do it to bring about change - otherwise we'd all still be doing it, I would have thought.

I think there are people who kind of lack depth.  To me, someone mentioning the situation you did might want to talk - either about the past or the current situation.  As a friend, I would listen.  "It's what people did back then" is, to me, a shut down comment - the conversation is over.  I'd try to protect yourself, BettyAnne, and try to keep in contact with people who are being supportive (or at least not causing more angst) and try to limit or avoid contact with people who aren't really opening doors for you at the minute.  Do post on here as often as you want/need, we all love to hear from you and many of us have been through similarish things so can at least understand even if we're not able to help in a practical way.  Lots of love to you both xx xx xx

sKePTiKal:
OMG... yes, I've heard of this. My Dad's mom did something similar to one of her 7 husbands. I knew enough of how she was, to feel sorry for my Dad living with that too... and she was one of only a handful of people I've ever met that were so messed up I could actually consider them evil. I was cheeky enough and PO'd enough when I was younger to tell her so - and curse her to boot.

That person who says this could be OK - isn't someone I'd want to be friends with.

Hopalong:
Noooooooooo, BettyAnne.
That's horrible.

I hope when you can do things for yourself,
you'll take this story to a therapist. It would
be good to heal about this, so it stops haunting
you.

I'm so sorry your husband's cancer has spread.
This is a hard time, but I hope you'll remind him
and yourself every day of memories that bring
you happiness.

Comfort,
Hops

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