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Just wondering how you would answer this question?

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Bettyanne:
Hi Lighter.....
Thank you for your reply ....it made me feel better....I had so much dysfunction through my childhood right into my adult years with a wacko mother.  My Therapist said she was never a mother other then giving birth to me.  That makes sense too. 
I have had this friend or say now former friend who is a nurse too by the way.  If I say anything I get corrected which sure reminds me of my NM.  If I repeat something I get told were not going there....I feel awful like I am being treated by NM again.....just different subject.  If someone repeats something to me I never say anything because maybe that story needs repeating for sympathy or compassion like you said.  I realize I am dealing with another Borderline/Narcisstic person again in a different body, omg. I am done and will end this now.
I met my husband when I was 16 and he was 17 we have been together 59 years.....Its so hard to see him going through all of this.....his family was similar to mine that we both came from dysfunctional families.  Which was good in a way because we understood and supported each other...but we never had normal family support....which I am sure all of us can relate too!!
Thank you so so much....Love, Bettyanne

Bettyanne:
Hi Twoapenny,
Oh now nice and all you said....I sure appreciate your words and thoughts. 
I remember my mother dumping my dads pain meds and putting sugar in them.....and he would say to her something is wrong they are not working.....he was only 51 years old and dying of melanoma cancer it was everywhere in his body.  His legs were swollen and he couldn't walk or do much of anything but lay in bed.  When he got so bad he was sent to the hospital to die.  I was 20 at the time and Bill drove us to hospital as my dad went in ambulance.  She never went into his room and Bill and I were with him as he said his last words.....She was no where to be found.....how sad for my dad and for me to see what she did.  When she died at 100 a few years ago, the doctor called me to go to hospital to see her as she had just died and I couldn't go.  I didn't want to see her........
I just want to say my therapist diagnosed my NM as Borderline/with Narcisstic traits.....it sure fits.. 
I just want to say to you thank you for your reply and your kindness to me in other posts on here. 
Life isn't easy but having these type of parents leads you find an answer of what was wrong?? Thankfully I have had therapy and a month stay in a mental hospital another mother story, but I am seeing .....seperating from these people is the answer....I learned it too late.....but I did learn.
Thank you again and again....Love, Bettyanne

Meh:
Tampering with medication sounds illegal and culpable.

"It's what they did at the time"... this statement I have no idea. I wasn't alive at that time. Definitely things do culturally change over the years. My uncle pulled his own teeth out and my father doesn't discuss health problems even if they might be genetic so it's useful info to discuss.

Probably this is a rhetorical question though about how callus the friend's statement actually is. It's an unfeeling thing to say.

Some people have rough personalities, I'm not sure if this is the case with your friend. Some people really do approach life with a rambo method.

Either way probably not the best friend to talk to right now. Grief support is probably a more knowledgeable source.

Friend doesn't sound very nice at all really. 

Bettyanne:
Hi Garbanzo,
Yes I guess when you don't know the answer of the time....maybe its easy to say OH that's what they did back then......NO it isn't ....How can anyone think a cruel mean thing to do to someone in pain is replace with SUGAR....
It doesn't matter the year or time......It's a control freak who doesn't know how to deal with anything can make sense of being cruel to a man who is dying......but she did this with many situation its what I grew up with....
A good, honest person would do anything to help a dying person.....especially one you Love....but maybe that's questionable with a Borderline with N traits??
Its like being friends on this forum......we care for each other....I am so impressed with the response I have had to my question? from you and other friends on here......we care about each other...Thank you, Bettyanne

Hopalong:
Hi Bettyanne,
That event in your past, seeing your mother do that...was a TRAUMA for you. A terrible, haunting one. I can't imagine the shock of it, settling in.

My question is (and I don't know the answer, wish I did!) -- how do you get from ruminating over and reliving that to being in the precious present moment, with yourself and with your husband?

Can your therapist help you release this memory? Or at least get it to not take up so much real estate in your mind? What has worked best in the past for you to stop getting triggered and re-triggered by it?

I'm sure what your husband is going through is bringing all that back. Makes perfect sense and is very poignant. I'm just sorry to hear you re- and re- and re-experiencing that awful memory. You and your husband both deserve the sweetness of being in present moments together, not in the past. You deserve to enjoy little moments and comforts and expressions of love and simply being alive together in the now, in this hour, in this day, and then another, for as long as possible. You will be so glad to have positive memories of this time, not just the tragic ones.

I hope that for you. You are such a sweet person and have accomplished so much in loving in your life. I don't want you to cheat yourself in this sweet, late chapter! You deserve the now.

Hugs
Hops

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