Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Just wondering how you would answer this question?

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Bettyanne:
Hi Hopalong,
Well your close in what you are saying.....my therapist said when my husband came into my life I was 16 years old....I have always had his love and caring for me......something I didn't have as a kid or an adult from my so called mother.  She said she thinks I am thinking what will I do without him??
I am sure to some extent this is very true....we have had a good lifetime together.  We've been through many times of how to we handle this and that.....because he had a similar situation growing up as well.  My therapist said how lucky I was to have a good man in my life....so so true and my mother hated him and his mother felt the same about me.....it was almost like we don't belong in the families we were born too!
Up until 7  years ago I was abused by my mother not the same as childhood....but expecting me to do things for her that she never ever did for me .....I realize of course I was never told to separate myself from her from any therapist up to that time.  I sure have learned about N's and Borderline but that doesn't take the pain away.....of such crazy immature adults who I was raised by....this includes my dad and my grandmother my mother's mother.....my brother being a complete invalid who couldn't walk or talk or feed himself.....He should of been hospitalized but my mother left him to her elderly mother who was not capable of doing that job....my mother worked up to age 100...another thing my T said she never heard of....so much dysfunction..maybe I am just letting off some steam...omg Thank you friend....Love,Bettyanne

Hopalong:
I'm so glad you have a good and insightful therapist, Bettyanne. Solid gold.

What she's said to you makes so much sense. An upcoming loss, all the unresolved grief from your mother, and the tragedy of your brother's entrapment as well....

I too am so glad you've had a loving husband whom you love in return. I can imagine how devastating it is to contemplate a future without him. I hope you'll find that in unexpected ways, you will always carry his love within you. Even when he goes, he won't really leave you, as long as you cherish his memory.

I think you're probably strong in ways you don't credit yourself for, and that you will discover over time.

You still have the richest chapter in life ahead, and learning never, ever stops. I hope this isn't inappropriate to say given the painful situation, but it can be exciting, too.

A future where you do release those horrible memories (after you've steamed about them enough) will have light and hope in it that maybe you've never even imagined before.

You deserve that kind of contentment and peace as much as anyone else. I believe you can find it.

Hugs
Hops

Bettyanne:
I just came home from Oncologist doctors who gives my husband 2 to 3 months....I am beside myself.....
No sugar coating.....I have to deal with this and do my best to comfort him.....not a easy day today..omg......

Thanks friends.....for any replies.....I know I will do my best if I don't fall apart.....

Bettyanne xoxo

Hopalong:
I'm so sorry. What a heartache.

How is he taking it?

I hope you'll talk to Hospice ASAP...they will give you both beautiful support.

You don't have to fall apart. Just be sure to go out on the porch for a good hard cry when you need one. You're allowed to feel however you feel.

Much comfort,
Hops

Bettyanne:
Thanks Hops.....and friends
Doctor wants my husband to try radiology on the sarcoma in  his leg and also some small ones in his lungs.......I don't know if were just buying time.....but anything is worth trying to help him.
I met a lady in the waiting room while they took Bill to figure out placement for the next few weeks of radiation.  When I said something about Narcissistic M......she said everyone has baggage....to a certain extent that's true.....Im not in denial but Narcisstic behavior which I know myself and lot of you have experience is truly very dysfunctional and not a easy one to explain.  These N's have gotten away with so much when they can change their personalities on a dime. 
I just agreed and moved on from her.....in waiting room.....her daughter is a therapist of some type so she has all the answers....seemed like a another N to me.....haha sometimes I just gotta laugh because no one understands unless you have lived with it....
Bill starts radiation on Monday and will go for several weeks.....all that matters here is dealing with this and it is so hard because he has been the person who has loved me all these years....For that I am so grateful.......I sure didn't get it from my dysfunctional family but I did get a lot of love from this wonderful man.....
Love, Bettyanne

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