I want to get in the yard so will just jot things down as I remember them without looking up proper spelling, etc.
T and I talked about editing and giving away STUFF in a very happy positive way. She talked about the "basement" where we consider things and perhaps attach meaning to them or don't. Attaching meaning to things is about seeing ourselves as THAT... that thing or connection. When that's gone there's more room for expansion and connection to the whole. Around here you see lots of bumper stickers like.... ALL ONE, etc. That's what she's talking about. Who we are without the stories defining us.
We talked about giving up meat... she's not a vegetarian or vegan though she's tried and failed bc of low energy and feeling very bad physically. She said the gal running retreats in this part of the State eats meat and that lady said the Dalai Lama eats meat. That every body is different and we eat for health while being mindful around those choices.
The girls and I have talked about giving up meat certain days of the week. I'm feeling really good about that, at a minimum.
Around these discussions she used a word sounding like RE-A-FI.... hard e and i. It's Buddhist word that means aligning ourselves to the truth... maybe Hops knows it? I'm paraphrasing badly here, but want to keep moving.
This brought her to discussion around the cross.... before it was associated with that "Jesus guy" and then she laughed.... the cross was here way before.
If the horizontal part of the cross is our physical life and the vertical is our spiritual life.... we strive to find the middle and THEN we can rise spiritually, grow.... become more conscious and aware of our true nature, in a nutshell. Between desire and aversion..... seeking pleasure and avoiding pain.... there is balance in the middle.
We had maybe half the appointment left so I brought up the needle/medical thing and she said we could do a small exercise around it... she wished we could do an entire appointment around it BUT that's OK bc I give blood this weekend and can observe how anything shifted, if at all.
She gave me two choices.... have young Lighter speak to older Lighter about the experiences OR do some blinking around it.... she called it Flash. I didn't need to imagine them in my hands and weigh them out. I always will go for the Flash over the other.
She brought me to my happy tomato garden with all it's sites sounds and smells.... warm summer sun on fragrant tomatoes and vines.... and we did eye movements, then one blink.... many times. Then we checked the garden and repeated but with 2 blinks. It was easy and she kept checking in around it... how did it feel.. was it easy. Yup.
We brought the anxiety down from 8 to 0... I couldn't find the anxiety... it was fuzzy and far away... too far to reach and I didn't try very hard. Just let it go then went back to the garden for a minute or two and we did the eye movement again while she mixed up the blinks.... 2..... 2.... 1...... 3.... 2 etc. THIS time I noticed the eye movements were harder... my tongue wanted to help, and my eyes wanted to just blink blink blink blink blink without stopping. I tried to focus on my breathing through all this and follow her fingers and stay in the garden and blink quickly not longer blinks, etc.
She said the medical/needle/blood stuff is very common and the difficulty in the end was about control... it's hard to release all expectations and desire for control around this.
She asked what was true about myself and I responded without thinking that I was trustworthy and honoring my intuition will keep me safe... I am safe. I trust myself to stay safe... I am safe.
Then I went out into the nicest day I've seen in a very long time.
I'm going to spend a couple hours in the moss garden.... feeling the sun and breeze, noticing the birds and feisty squirrels. Let all that simmer down.
I like T's approach to different concepts from different POVs.
Today we worked on dissolving neural pathways....building new ones.
We worked to rea fy stories in the basement.
We worked to activate the amygdala, move the anxiety into the processing center, process then file in historic files..... memory reconsolidation..... Flash.... and so this T doesn't force any ONE way of looking at this kind of growth. It feels like she's packing information onto a sculpture... a handful of clay on this side, then the other, then on top, then below..... which brings a more completely picture for me.
She quoted Tolle....
"Ask yourself is there joy, easy, and lightness in what I am doing?
If there isn't, then time is covering up the present moment and life is perceived as a burden or a struggle."
I really loved that and it was super timely. There's no guru gaga ... around anything. I think she touches on everything.... every approach, bc I'm open and willing to hear different vantage points. IF she told me what to think, how to go about something.... I'd dig in and resist.
She's going on 2 back to back retreats soon, which is awsome, bc I know she's on her own journey, doing her own work, and will be ravenously hungry for meat when she gets out. She's not vegetarian but tried it... noticed she had to plan her life around naps and feeling lousy physically. The gal running one of the retreats in this area isn't vegetarian, which surprised T. I think the Dalai Lama eats meat... everyone's body is different, and giving up meat for a day or more a week makes good sense to me, for the planet mainly. More about that later.
REALLY cool appointment today. I was up and ready to go before T was..... just felt great and ready to get at the day; )
Final note from T....
becoming my own best friend.... yup yup yup.
Tup, I'm channeling you a bit here as I bought a lovely long pink linen shirt from GoodWill and enjoy it so much.... such a happy color.
Lighter
