Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Mindfulness and codependence thread
Hopalong:
I hear you, ((((Light)))).
Just worrying.
hugs
Hops
lighter:
I attended a wilderness healing seminar with Moss friend and her husband. It was sunny and warm, then windy enough to make every barefoot attendee question their morning choices. We were seated under a big tent......in the bur freez'in shade.
There were blankets and yoga mats., but most didn't avail themselves. Many people gave up their stoicism, and traipsed to the binkie pile, for the next 2 hours, while l looked at the snack table's hot water and tea selection....just to have something hot to drink would have been nice. I was just warm enough to remain stoic.
The "leader," giving the chat, was of Native Indian heritage.....he was telling a coyote, seeking, light to shadow story ...I missed it entirely, bc signing in with an iPad in the bright sun struggle.
The thing was entirely outdoors .....at a wilderness healing school with a 7 year program.....for students who were asked to bring friends. My Moss friends weren't students..... they'd met this group during a recent trip to South Africa. Good people. Good hearts, but the main guy was so extraverted. Won't say "charismatic" but could tell, he likes the word, if thinking about himself. Wow.....judgy much, Lighter? So judgy. I see that.
..I didn't like the way the guy answered every question with a question. I esp didn't like he did it to Moss Friend. I didn't like it when he said he could see all our energy, past, present and future and was trying to put his wisdom into terms our minds "could grasp."
How do you think it went, for me, when he asked the entire group of 35-40 people to state who they would be if there was no agenda or time? One by one.....he asked.....and would comment on what this new student or that 6th year student might say, before they answered....
annoyed. I was distinctly annoyed and annoyed at my judgement then annoyed I couldn't "make nice" for 2 minutes of chit chat at the end, when I asked if the safari vehicle broke down, or not, when, as it turns out, part of the group chose to walk back to the lodge......which required a guide, armed with a rifle, filled with 3" inch bullets and very specific instructions to follow, in order to stay alive, during the walk.
The speaker/teacher mentioned how the guide set them up for "needless worry" about potential danger, bc the cats likely weren't hungry....ummm.....he couldn't know that. Catching prey is hard in nature. A slow, chubby group of tourists seemed like easy prey, good for stuffing into trees IF a cat happened to NOT be hungry, imo.
I saw the wisdom in being alert, aware and ready to report sneaky shadows, bc the shadow would be smack in big cat hunting country. Nope, the leader disagreed and I couldn't muster up 1 "appropriate/make nice" response, so we broke eye contact and I walked to the car. I could tell, people don't often challenge, dissent or fail to fawn over this man. I've apparently lost the stomach for it.
Maybe for good.
There it is.
Maybe.
Lord, love a duck.
Who would you guys be, if no time or agenda, existed?
Lighter
lighter:
There's a fine line between judging and using discernment. I was using discernment, and made peace with it.
Nuff said
lighter:
Next T appointment will process energetic charge around generational/internalized and ever present misogyny.... it's just time.
Had dinner with needy guy and held stated boundaries, without a blip. Such a relief....there were 2 stated boundary challenges and 2 inappropriate things said. He's living a very weak life. I'm not focused on smoothing over his awkwardness.... I'm not abandoning myself to make sure he's ok.....not anymore.
Dispelling unconscious belief systems takes so much energy, IME. Seems so simple on the other side, but it's like pulling pieces of buried glass shards out of a scarred over wound I received at birth and didn't realize was there, IME. Have to get to it, then figure it out, share by dang shard.
I'm hoping enough to feel large pieces and parts engage, clear up, move through at some, very important and obvious point. Expectations, anyone?
Today feels lighter, having written the above, out. I picture wrestling a very slippery octopus, one then two, tentacle slipping out of my grasp, as 3 more pop up, pull me off balance.....and I don't know exactly what to do with the darn things, but I keep trying to muscle them under control.
Control.
Difficult thing to remember the original list.....the spells I need .....
Self compassion....
Trading judgement for curiosity....
Embrace radical acceptance....
Release outcome.
The dao.....the way....the path to less suffering....to better things..... possible..... accessable.....likely things, yup yup yup.l
Lighter
Hopalong:
I have a friend so in love with Botswana that she went three times last year.
She's doing a talk/pics thing about it and for some reason, I'm not tempted to go.
Might change my mind, dunno.
I was confused about this program you went to, but sounds as though you got some learnings out of it. You had to sign in online even though y'all gathered IRL?
The Sikh I go talk to once a month can be a little guru-y. But we really click, too. Once I thought he was asking more questions than he gave me time to answer, and told him so gently. He got it and pulled it in and that session was really good. He has a good sense of humor and is very patient with my alloverthemapness. Whew.
hugs
Hops
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