Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Mindfulness and codependence thread
lighter:
Oh, it's many Normandy fields of poppies, Hops. You're not wrong.
Right now, the juice is worth the squeeze, in DD's opinion. He's making a big difference in how she's feeling. It's not my call.
Final analysis....
DD feels he's harmless, but socialized badly, as is the way in this Country for most men. We can wish and hope it wasn't.... but it is.
That he's autistic, is very likely.
And....if we needed a reminder, to always select female doctors......
this is it.
Lighter
lighter:
DD22 saw Doc/Mr.Man today, and he was back to his old, very appropriate, self.
DD got a balance (holding breath while he put single finger pressure on neck and sciatic points), neck adjustment, and 2 supplements, for focus, during finals.
He talked about imminent visit with BIL and SIL, particularly as it related to continued weekly visits.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm relieved he's still seeing DD weekly.
Once he moves his offices, he's gonna want to do some trauma processing with her. That came up, and if she'd looked sad, I think he would have begun today, but she was fine.
I was feeling seriously flat....very relieved it was a short, productive, and normal appt today.
As it was, he had someone in the waiting room.....a mother and maybe 7yo son.
My T used to be in the same building with Mr. Man and calmed me quite a bit, regarding his jaw dropping statements. She agreed....they were red flags, but thinks it's a harmless opportunity for DD to practice handling men......like.....maybe...... I've sheltered her from men? I don't agree, but there it is.
T is referring another client to Mr. Man for IBS struggle.
It's funny how different people view the same facts. I mean, seriously polar opposite responses, often enough, I should always assume consensus is rare to impossible.
lighter:
Taking trash out this am....noticed the cowboys had 2 police cruisers in front of their house.,... and the street had no cans out for pick up.
Pug and I turned around, went back in the house and checked the schedule. It's a regular garbage day...... I think everyone embarrassed to be seen as snoopy, so not getting can out at usual time. I finished getting trash together, heard cowgirl in nurse's drive.....peeked from back porch.
She got into her car and left. Not sure what she loaded, but it wasn't much.
Cowboy in drive with police officers as I wheeled trash to street.....he waved them farewell with his hat, as they left, then shot them a bird, with pumping action, checked mailbox....contemplated it for a moment,then shuffled back up the drive. He's putting a For Sale sign up now. They have to be separated for 6 months before filing. I hope they're considered separated already and this ends soon.
I'm shot through, with adrenaline, from his shuffle their mailbox, as he was headed my way (and cowgirl picks up mail, daily, in the evenings.)
He's diminished, has no balance, no strength, no marriage, no dexterity and only one eye, so no matter where the guns are, she has about a 50/50 shot, imo.
He's very angry and has time to sneak and plan, with only his rage to care for. He can't put his eye in it out, on his own, or buckle his belt.
Neighbors finally getting cans out ......mine is full, as I weeded And cleaned up front beds for hours yesterday. Yelly Guy whistled by and I ignored him, but completely neutral. His wife chatted for a while. Cowgirl drive asked if "he" was home....meaning Cowboy. I had no idea deal, but saw DIL walk there with the the grandson.....call her.
Later, I saw a car in nurse's drive, as she's traveling......and turned to wave at a son or dil caring for plants, maybe? It was the cowgirl, finger to her lips, motioning me to be silent, so as not to give away her position. I saw cowboy in the street, by that time, on his big zero turn mower.....then in their backyard..... he's up and moving. I rarely see him these days.
I see movement at the street corner, where the son, DIL and adorable grandson live. Cowgirl must be there.
The pug gave the toddler 2 face bumps, with her flat littl face, yesterday. He looked unhappy, opening and closing his fists......to be picked up. I was so happy to hold him. Eyes blue.....not light blue, like a husky. Like my mother's and grandfather's, but light corn flower blue.
I'm having a late lunch with DD24, then seeing acupuncturist. Will pack some pork chops and strawberries.....maybe make sticky rice, as DD happy to receive, today. Not always the case.
My sister arrives in 4 days. I have 9 hydrangeas to plant, in the backyard, I think. Was planning at Lake, but I can't keep them alive this summer, me'thinks.....will be too hot.
The front yard brings zero peace, so backyard beds, for sure.
The contractor phoned last night. Will meet next week...... he's about 3 weeks out, and an excellent carpenter.....sent pics of built in bunks with stairs that are drawers. They look great. He can do everything , it seems.
Roof. Gutters. Siding. Tile. Electric? Plumbing. I'll check tile reserves at lake.....maybe enough left to do one bathroom.
The journey continues.
Lighter
lighter:
I'm staying with my widowed friend ...and it struck me ..... she'll see my whipped cream in the fridge, and for a moment.... she'll think her late husband put it there, as he did for years. It'll just be me, jarring her Nervous System, bc I want that comfort.
I'm reflecting on the way her home feels now, after the loss and mourning, and it's very different.
This leads to thoughts of busy men, busy with work and smashing vows and promises, taking offense at a woman's having time to notice them breaking oaths and dishonoring them.....
"You just aren't busy enough."
That, being their identified "problem." They need to fill her days and nights with work, so she has no time to reflect in disrespect and dishonorable/abusive treatment, yup yup yup.
But my widow friend's dh was a darling ...faithful, respectful and.....gone.
I have a question about what one believes happens after we die.
Do you believe in heaven and hell?
I don't necessarily believe there's a mortor and brick "hell", built to torture and contain souls.
I do believe humans might be trapped in the spiritual space they build for themselves....maybe that's a sort of hell?
I do believe souls come back. Have we had this discussion on the board? It feels like we have.
Maybe our little bit of energy/light returns to the matrix.....feels returned home, and whole?
Maybe loved ones greet us....take us where we belong. I know Bill saw something or someone as he lay dying. He struggled to get free, and get to it.....the hospice nurse had me climb into his hospital bed, so it was me he struggled to get free of, btw.😢
I do wonder.
Lighter
Hopalong:
Well, being gladly agnostic, I don't know what happens. I did watch an incredible "blast of wonder" cross my Dad's face as he died, and imagined he was experiencing that tunnel toward the light so many NDE survivors have reported. I think that's likely the birth tunnel re-experienced, going back to its origin point.
But the thing that mattered to me was that look on his face. Pure amazement. Awe.
So I've recognized is that what I'm capable of is trusting mystery and nature to take care of it all at my death. Experiencing TRUST, is my idea of faith now. I know my Dad was a very gentle soul, and a man of devout faith, so whatever beauty he saw may have come from expiring in a way that was just like his own beautiful nature. And, the relief of leaving the agony of prostate-cancer-metastasized-to-bone-and-brain behind.
Another way I connected to being with him at his death was his endless curiosity. He was a geographer, and loved this planet and remarkable world as much as he did the people on it. Topography to him --reading and creating maps-- was like reading or writing music is to a composer. So I figure there's a good chance if we practice openness and curiosity as you so often advocate, Lighter, there will be a journey that either ends in deep and sweet oblivion, or carries us into some other form of existence. I'll be content coming up as a dandelion, don't need no pearly gates.
As to hell? I don't believe in it. I'm a fan of grace for all, peace and equality under nature for all. No matter what they've done or not done. No point in eternal flame.
hugs
Hops
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