Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Coronavirus
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on March 31, 2020, 12:36:02 PM ---I get it, ((((Tupp)))).
News of my D's troubles (even outdated) sends me into
pain for days. So I stay away from her online crumbs.
Now and then I fall into the hole of pondering her online
tidbits and it does her no good, nor me.
hugs and empathy,
Hops
--- End quote ---
Thanks, Hops. I've always wanted not to become hard nosed and uncaring - it isn't me (it's very much my mum and some other people I know) and I've always resisted trying not to be myself. But I think I do need to. It feels like being punished for caring. My step brother doesn't tell me to be unkind, but because he has learning disabilities when I've said to him before I don't want to talk about my mum he doesn't really understand and talks anyway. I call him because I care for him, and he does for me. He left me a message the other night, had called to see how son and I were and as he rings off he says "Love you". No-one else ever says that to me, or ever has. No-one else in the family bothers with him, other than his dad ringing him every now and then, so I don't want to not call him. He can't read very well so texting isn't really a useful alternative. But I Know I can't guarantee he won't mention them if we chat so I'm just going to have to not let my head go anywhere with anything I hear. If she dies on her own, in pain, then that's just how it will have to be. And for me to write that just feels so wrong, on every single level. There's just no other way around it. My sister texted her yesterday saying are you okay, have you got enough food in, do you need anything. And my mum replied, yes, fine. There are so many older people now on lockdown, can't go anywhere, having to wait for people to deliver food, many of them don't have internet so they can't even connect that way. How much would they appreciate two loving daughters who would happily phone every day, visit through the glass and so on? It's just a madness I can't get my head around. So I'm done with it all. Heavy heart and all that. Thank you for understanding :) I did some yoga. Dinner's cooking, I've made more cupcakes and I am heading for the bath after dinner xx
lighter:
Tupp:
You're such a nice person. I'm glad your mum turned out to be OK. It's unsettling, these upsetting what-if scenarios.... when they pop up. Crisis and unknowns play whack-a-mole with our minds, IME. Racing around like mice in the maze. I wish you didn't care at all too.
Food's been a huge focus for me, also. I'm not even fighting it.
I'm amazed at all you're getting done. Glad you're in the garden with the kitties.
Lighter
It's gently raining today. The woodpecker's been pecking at the house, while managing to avoid me. The noise of the pellet hitting is supposed to startle them off for good, and works best if you can hit the gutter. There's no gutter near the preferred pecking spots.
Hopalong:
Over 1250 tested and diagnosed in my state.
Sixty-five in my city.
We just learned of our first death, an elderly woman.
I see a lot of social distancing but also incidents (usually young folks, or runners who won't adjust their paths) of ignoring it (and you, if you're walking there). Running right past you as you go along the edge of the road just a few feet away. If in our 70s we could easily hop into a yard, we would...it ain't always easy.
Rather than seething about it, I'm trying to wish them well, think kind thoughts, and refocus on the pleasant people happy to share a six-foot chat and exchange cheer.
So I won't trip anybody, promise.
Hugs
Hops
lighter:
Hops:
I was at the neighbor's house 2 days ago. The ones with the homemade beer. I found myself TRYING to stand up wind.... or at least not directly DOWN wind as it was a very breezy day. The wife, who works at a bank full time, kept adjusting herself... like she knew what I was doing.... countering me.
The husband filled beer glasses and handed them out... I tried to keep up with my antibac wipe, but I know I failed.
There's something really demoralizing about SEEING people behave in a way that's dangerous. I was just down for the count yesterday.... didn't want to go back for the grilled fish dinner they invited me to. Would rather have crushed my ankle.
Keep giving lots of space to people who don't know better, Hops. Isn't it about time you and M can have play dates at each other's houses?
Lighter
Hopalong:
I felt scared of my grocery delivery this evening.
Even though I am armed with what to do.
I understand obsession or too much anxiety aren't
rational but do not fault anyone for what they feel.
There is rational fear, that is protective. (This wasn't
it but I nixed it pretty quick and am relaxed again.)
M is just irritating me, but that's for another thread.
tx,
Hops
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