Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Friendship Moments: good or bad

<< < (34/34)

lighter:
How's the energy, around Poet friend, these days, Hops?

Lighter

Hopalong:
Thanks for asking, Lighter.

These days, the way I feel about her is a little exasperated, a little sad, but a lot less needy (on my end). There are lonely times when I feel a wish for the old best-friend responsiveness. I do still have attachment to (dependency on, though now diluted) her that I'm gradually unraveling. The more I do let go, the better I feel.

It surprises me how deep it went for me. Long history of fear of women and hurt from women (mostly when young) left its web fragments in me. Even though my biggest delights now are because of the gift of women friends, the old fear can still stir.

But since the meltdown I've realized how much of her empathy feels like performance, so I imagine her consolation and then realize it's not very solid. On the other hand, I don't want to overreact and distrust whatever's genuine in it. She had such miserable experiences that I'm not willing to judge her for how she learned to cope.

I'm mostly disappointed in myself, for floating along on feelings ever since we met, and not bringing my critical thinking along. Then again, no point in judging myself either. It's all coping.

hugs
Hops

lighter:
You see what's there......with wider perspective, boiling l down facts, sans judgement.

It's everything I wish for myself. 

"To see with eyes unclouded by hate."
Prince Ashitaka


Your self compassion shines through.  Maybe, it's the most important piece.

Lighter

 

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[*] Previous page