Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
The Lake House
Hopalong:
Wow, Lighter.
You really are paying attention to how you interact with men, and owning it.
Huge BRAVO here!
I like the way you understand men, which has always impressed me. And I see it as GREAT to be strong and do whatever work you feel like doing. Likewise great, to avoid the tender-care-vibes pitfall which I think you've identified so clearly now. Bravoooo.
I think you don't need to be Bee's rescuer, particularly since his boss is decent enough to apologize. Bee's poor-puppy downcastness is genuine but also not yours to fix...and he does have support and love in his world. Think of him as a wounded pug, and yourself as NOT the vet.
That help? Bee sounds like a dear person you understand who'd also be an emotional sinkhole for you. You can hold your compassionate intentions for him in private and still feel good about yourself. He has his learning experiences to face as we all do, and gradually he might learn more about how to progress in his world from the no-nonsense boss.
You know what's best for you, and I think it's avoiding the confidante-tender friend-mommy vibe with men. Any of them.
Should you wind up with a grownup, responsible and self-reflective wonderful partner? One day when he's feeling low, you can pull out all the Lighter stops for him, because you'll be in an intimate relationship.
For the rest of the wounded men we all encounter in our lives? They can learn self-healing just as women have to do.
GOOD on you for all this reflection and consciousness. Wow.
hugs
Hops
lighter:
Thanks, Hops for your response. It all made sense. I haven't been spending much time at job site with contractor or Bee so I'm not monitoring myself. Just doing the jobs and recovering from poisoning.
Bathtub lost in transit.
Dropped f bomb on poor customer service rep for giving up in ONE hour. I've been working hard for 3 weeks then get that tub. I did not give up. Why would he give up in an hour? I did not understand. Still don't.
So, THAT conversation let me know adrenaline dumps still almost knock me out. Good info to have, imo.
Yesterday the refund from Amazon went in much to my chagrin, and a third party freight company scheduled delivery this morning for tub delivery on the 3rd. Will see.
I refused to find and order another tub. Didn't know why. Just. No.
This is one reason I like to find, put hands on and transport large items myself.
Lots of busy work at lake.
Lined up hardwoods to replace LR. Will refinish other hardwoods to match LVP. Dark. Covers Oak wood patterns and looks a bit more formal.
Lighter
lighter:
Well, the lost tub was delivered today. Contractor says it looks good. I'm glad.
I'm working out the details and trying to stay ahead if contractor before he needs answers. Some things depend on what he finds after demolition. We work well together, bc he likes solving problems and I defer to him on things if it triples his workload to do otherwise. It keeps the budget down and things running smoothly....happily.
My brother has the balance of the LVP ordered. Contractor has $1.00 sf hardwoods lined up.
Tile for next 2 bathrooms and tub surround on site. Toilets on site. Vanities on site.
Ok, here's a decision I haven't made.
Keep the custom 31" high vanity and black Corian countertop in the master, change out
the sink and faucet and paint vanity
OR
Tear out the vanity, have 36" tall cherry wood stain vanity with black granite top, good sink and faucet cut down 4" and installed instead BUT will the mirror surrounding current vanity screw that up?
There's J molding at just the right height for current vanity. I go back and forth.
How important is taller vanity and granite with open hotel shelving underneath important to you guys? It looks updated and high end to me.
All in all, tearing out the short cabinets in master and laundry make the spaces look 100% improved.
Closet planning a work in progress. I can incorporate a coffee bar in 6' wx 40" master closet if I'm clever and think it's a good idea after more thought. Not worried about it.
All coming together.
I have kitchen cabinets to figure out next. Will keep the oak, but maybe distress uppers and paint lowers and island ...black? Distress that too?
I look forward to getting my hands dirty in that job soon. I wish DD18 didn't hate renovation process. It complicated things, ime.
It's difficult to balance the food, travel, social and hands on projects....for me.
Lighter
lighter:
CB:
The property will be in a rental program, but also used by our family. I think the shorter vanity does look ok.....but also short. To me.
That's ok, bc the ceiling is lower in that area, I've decided. It solves the mirror question and keeps everything moving along.....but then I'm painting 25 year old oak wood.....or contractor is.
Same with the kitchen.....and it's beautiful warm oak. Tall. Fits the space.....it was done right. Finding a way to freshen and overcome 25 years of use, my scrubbing and a change in hardware, leaving 2 small holes on every door and drawer.....makes me think of distressing in a 100 year old piece of furniture way...not shabby chic.
Painting the lower cabinets won't ever be slick, bc the nature of oak wood grain. A tad bit of distressing....just the corners and edges....might bring it all together. It does in my mind, anyway.
I can set up a spray booth in the garage.
On the other hand, if I'm just straight up painting, I'll likely have contractor do it. He's a cabinet man. I'm not a neat as a pin person. The wood grain would drive me mad. I think the contractor isn't looking forward to it either.
The coffee bar in the closet...... there's plumbing in place we have to remove if not using. I'll think it through 50 ways then decide.
The bathroom sink is wide enough for a coffee maker, so ditching the plumbing doesn't mean no coffee bar in the master.
Thanks for the input, CB. Easier and cheaper would be a good thing. Sometimes I have to let what is.....be enough.
Lighter
lighter:
Contractor taking his lovely wife on vacation for a week. I've been away from the job for a week. I'll go while he's gone and try to get out ahead of him again.
Lighter
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