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2021 Farm Log

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sKePTiKal:
Well, he's on the road. See how he does driving in daylight this time.
I sure didn't sleep very long. But I'm pretty relaxed and calm still. Heat wave seems to have broken, but yesterday was a mess. Couldn't maintain focus and everything seemed harder than it needed to be.

Still have a couple little things to do before I make cookies. We had a nice shower this morning, so the humidity is something else. Weatherman assures me that this will clear off and humidity drop and it's supposed to be a gorgeous weekend.

Just before I called it a day, I figured out what was so hard about the day yesterday. My personal space is going to have another person in it again for a few weeks. And since I'm a bit tired, I don't wanna share. Just want to do what I want to do, the way I want to do it... and everyone else can take a flying leap at a rolling donut. There's this little whiny feeling - that sense of loss of privacy - that's trying to justify negative feelings, and turn my (otherwise) natural excitement to "blah... I don't wanna". Hmmmmph.

For whatever reason, I've been noticing this about myself lately but it hasn't been verbally coherent. I don't do this all the time anymore. But I do it enough, that Hol's pointed it out a couple of times. I know how I got in the habit of it. So, I'm making a big deal this morning out of doing what the whiny inner twerp wants for a few more hours than has been my wont the past couple weeks. (You want THIS? OK. Here ya go. The time limit is till _____. Pay attention, enjoy yourself, take a break.) I AM tired, because I'm not sleeping long. And there are multiple reasons for that - but I don't have someone pulling my strings right now or needing anything of me - so ya know, I think I know the person who needs to do something about that. It's like I've been putting my actual inner needs last on the list of all this "busy doing" list. Again. Jeez, I know better than that.

I don't think B is gonna be upset because the cookies are still cooling and I'm cleaning up the kitchen when he is due to arrive. Ya know? Get off the road to fresh, navy-strength coffee and fresh out of the oven cookies? C'mon now... the only better "man bait" is bacon.  LOLOLOLOLOLOL

"Kissin' don't last; cookin' do."

Hol will be around this weekend some before going to work. We haven't planned any joint activities but both kids are going into town today and she's gonna drop off a couple things here that my distracted & spaced out brain forgot TWICE, on two separate gathering runs. No clue on the timing of that; doesn't matter. It's how we live around here.

lighter:
Well.....sharing your space with B will be new and there will be adjustments, no doubt.  Maybe you'll end up with separate bedrooms.  Maybe you'll require alone the regularly or now and again.  You'll figure it out.

I can smell those cookies baking....oatmeal?

Lighter

sKePTiKal:
Yep; oatmeal raisin (regular & golden) & craisins & nuts. Sorta a granola cookie.  :D

Yes also to the alone time. This is actually already built into our long-distance interaction, whether from being busy or just needing some space. He's fine if I wander off for some hours, even a day or two of inner retreat and just do my own thing. It's not like living with Mike. While it's fine to have learned lessons from prior relationships, I still struggle with the prior experiential part of being with someone and expecting the old stuff of day to day to return in the same way. B IS different; we're different; I'm different. That "normal" of the past, had it's good moments for sure. But it was unique to the relationship and there was friction over some of the things.

There's going to be something that causes friction in this one too; it's just people being people - but it's probably going to be DIFFERENT things. It could be minor; it could be serious. Don't know till it happens. Especially since B isn't the psyche/emotional type I've tended to connect with in the past. When I'm expecting the old pattern/friction to resurface - he surprises the hell out of me. With something new; unique to how he sees the "us"... and what he wants, which has been explicitly stated as equal standing between us. Even though the things of importance to us as individuals may not be equal - our need or desire to fulfill those IS. And it's usually stuff we've each been self-sufficent in, in the past.

OK, I have an agenda of things that were on my list but haven't been done yet... so ONWARDS. I'm hoping to have some hours of downtime, too. So I might be back. Who knows?

Hopalong:
I think independent bedrooms with full (or at least negotiable) overnight visiting rights are a godsend as folks get older. Some cozy BR nook somewhere can be a saving grace for older folks' relationships, imo.

I think the BIGGEST thing B will need for his first week after all he's been doing is....sleep. Rest. Minimal agendas or plans. Freedom to just be. Stare at a duck. Putter in a shop. Whatever slowly floats his boat.

I think you need that too. You've been mentally matching him all the way and your own preparations have been tiring, too.

Cluck. Cluck.

Just rest. Cookies and cuddles and peace.

Huge hugs, so happy he's on his way!!! (Open them stones.......)

Hops

sKePTiKal:
With rest, stretch, fuel & potty breaks, this trip is just over 14 hours. He's not here yet, but he IS getting real close. I think we'll need to have a conversation about the big, final move. He's not doing this without an overnight about halfway, again. And if he'll let me, he's not doing it alone.

ETA: He's HERE. Bye now....

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