DD18 seeing nutritional response practitioner (NRP)

[lighter]

Seeding.....
Spread through the blood ...
That's about all I need to know.

[lighter]

I dosed my chicken and kale with a Trinidadian hot sauce last night. 

Boredom extinguished for a while.

[Hopalong]

I know if I were diagnosed with an operable malignancy, I would take the very small risk of "seeding" along with mostly-lifesaving surgery. Perspective.

Luck to your friend! I know it's hard to watch and worry.

hugs
Hops

[lighter]

Mostly-lifesaving surgery.

Mostly.

[lighter]

I will just say I wouldn't have surgery for any cancer. 

I'd limit things creating the imbalance creating the cancer, but I wouldn't spend money on the medical complex.  Nope nope nope.

If it became clear things were ending.....I'd might eat everything I craved and I'd crave things bc my taste wouldn't be shot to hell with chemo.  It would be amazing to choose foods I love and just have them with my loved ones and commune...... I'd like to think I'd be genuinely upbeat. I think it's likely I would, but you never know till you're there, do you?

I've ever felt tighly tied to this earth, if you want the truth. I've never felt the need to live forever or leave my gene pool behind or create a dynasty..... nope. 

Moving on has always felt likely to be a peaceful transition and rest. 

I'm quite certain I'd do my best to be unafraid and seek out the joy in every moment. I feel as though I've waited my entire life to be present in moments I understand are limited and precious.  As a child I understood that was something I lacked and desired.  I'm hopeful I can find that state before any end of life situation arises, but I don't know.

I've had a few little mental twitches over burial choices recently, likely bc of mailers from funeral homes and that's OK.

I wish I could turn the farm acreage into green burial space, but that requires a local funeral home's participation...... I think... and I don't think I could do anything with it, but sell it, until my ILs and the crooked attorneys, bankers and boy's club pass on. Some of the crooked attorneys were quite young, but you never know when you'll find good people who do the right thing for the right reasons, even when they don't have to. 

Maybe the monks running the green burial space on the other side of the State have the desire to branch out?

Lighter

[lighter]

So, I got a bit nonchalante with the food and falling off the wagon a bit with GOODIEGIRL chocolate mind sandwich cookies at a dollar a box...... SO GOOD.

Even if I make 12 lbs of meatballs..... we get sick of meatballs, kwim?  I stop eating SO MUCH FOOD, when I'm not hungry, which is a problem.

I skip breakfast moreoften than not.

The last 2 days I've focused on eating enough fat and protein.... greens and veg..... and I've slept like the dead. Truly.  Just.... slept and slept while bringing my thoughts back to the moment, over and over.

This is what happened.  I was sort of stuck at a point..... weight staying pretty much the same. I didn't weigh myself when I was gaining and just letting it happen.  I didn't judge it good or bad, but I did feel uncomfortable in my clothing and body. I allowed myself that honesty and owned it. 

When I began eating right, not perfectly, I'd say I lost 35 lbs based on where I was when I last weighed myself...the fit of my clothing etc. Don't really care, but I want to document for myself in a way I can revisit.

So..... eating more the last 2 days, which is a good deal more than I've been eating, has done a few things. 

1.  Another layer has dropped off my midsection, despite weight staying about the same.  I'm me again.  My hands recognize my midsection..... it's a crazy sort of alchemy to eat SO MUCH FOOD and have things shift again.  It's counterintuitive. It's a chemical reaction, not calories in calories out, which I've always known made no sense, but that's what the docs and nutritionists shove down our throats from birth and here we are.  It's in our cells and difficult to shed, IME. 

2.  My digestion is perfectly normal.... comfortable.... easy and notihing I think about it's..... boring, really.  Muscle Response Practitioner will tell us we're constipated if we're pooping once a day.   It's likely most people feel once a day is doing pretty good and it sure beats every other day or 2 days, but it's not normal.

3.  I can't say sleep is better, bc of work on my nervous system or coping strategies or coming back to the present, over and over or if it's good food choices, and tending to my adrenals or heart or stomach. I do feel it's a combination and I'm lucky to notice when shifts come up... internally or externally... and mark them here so I can go back and trace the journey.

I do feel deep sleep is necessary to heal the brain and body on a cellular level. I know it is.  I woke up this morning and there was zero shoulder pain, zero popping, zero OUCHING over odd catching and cracking and it's just gone. Poof.  Done. Over.  Passed.

Just extraordinary to have something so debilitating come and go..... like..... it's someone eles's body, not mine.  My hips are fine.  My feet are fine.  My knee hurts a little from dancing like a crazy woman for many many songs in the kitchen with DD21 who bopped along.... HAPPY!

And THAT bopping was bopping I've done before..... my younger, fit self bopped like that.  I recognize I don't want to get old more quickly than I have to.  The stretching..... the going into nature with baby girl pug.... the dancing...... I think esp the dancing has been restorative and familiar and DD21 recognizes THAT mother. 

I recognize the ease in her body and the laughter when I'm my authentic best self...the self I was in early 2006 and before. 

This has been an amazing journey.  I'd say difficult, but I don't think it has to BE that. 

As I said in another post......
 before being referred to trauma informed T.....
I was in my own way.
 I KNEW I was in my own way. 
Understood it as truth, but didn't understand the mechanics of it.  The reasons and ways to slip into the water (fig.) and restore homeostasis. 

YG is mowing the under the power lines and I feel nothing.

Well..... I think a little gratitude seeped in.  It's the same sort of gratitude I feel towards ASPDh...... for the time I had with our girls, when they were babies and toddlers and little children...... I was SO happy and I loved being a Mom. I truly did.  I was 37 yo and confident enough to deal with an ASPD well enough to restore my serenity again and again.... even though with his chaos manufacture and confusing sabotage that made no sense and will never make sense...thanks to Brother Mud for explaining that during early days on this board.

I can feel gratitude for YG's help and refuse to let his behavior touch me... in any way.  I choose how to respond, in my own time. 

YG truly is NOTHING to me.  He was never anything. He's always been what I assigned him to be in whatever story I told myself.

 I get to choose.

I'm having a really good day!

Lighter

[lighter]

I have ABSOLUTE HISTORY running in the background.  Right now they're talking about sugar's effect on dental health after it's introduction into Tudor households.

If anyone needs any proof sugar is bad for the body, in every way, feeding EVERYTHING bad in the body...... feel free to watch.

Sugar effects everything in the body. 

Everything.

Plague
Fever
Consumption
Bad teeth are at the top of the list of problems suffered by the Tudors.

When my mother had a thermal scan, after cancer dx, there was a red line running from one of her molars to her left breast.... right to the cancer. 

Teeth can be deadly.  Infection can travel from infected teeth into the bloodstream a illustrated by my mother's scan.  It's always been this way, yet Western medicine doesn't spend much time dealing with causes. IME, they've always been focused on treating symtoms.

I watched a program on mushrooms last night..... mushrooms are medicine, yup yup yup.  Likely responsible for how quickly our brains grew yup yup yup. 

Readying to head to the lake: )
Lighter

[lighter]

I had a really good appt with NRP. 

DD..... better than expected, but back to weekly visits.  Both our stomachs are the main focus, of course.  I'm down to 6 Betafood, 2 Ashwa Ghanda and just 3 Zypan supp pills a day.  SO much improvement...... I felt better, calmer, easier, happier and relaxed. NRP said she's honestly never seen me look like this before, ever.  She just looked and looked and said I need to do more resting without strings... it's working for me. I also think I'm more productive, happier and creative when I do get busy.  It's a balancing act now.  Hopefully will become new habit, patterns and pathways soon.  Just have to keep up and make good food choices.... get sleep..... it's a way of life to choose healthier things.  I find I'm either doing it, or I'm not. 

My nervous system is..... sort of talking to me.  On the two drives to Altanta in past 24 hour.... I had that feeling I was going to pass out at the point I drove through an area of heavy construction...... trapped between big trucks and concrete wall...... so close.... so long and just thinking about feeling faint made me feel faint.  I can conjure it. It's in my head this time... in my nervous system. I have work to do there.

With that said, I think the alcohol smell/needle thing is all in my mind as well.... of course it is.  It's my pathways and I've done work on this before.  I look forward to working on it some more.

It makes a difference to travel through most of the day with my PNS engaged...... getting more and more normal..... becoming more familiar..... I remember a time when that's how I lived.  I'm there again.  It's a good thing.

Lighter

[lighter]

Recent appointment went better than expected.  Digestion and gut improved. 

We did some one nostril breathing.....she rinded me to practice several times a day then pointed out my shallow normal breathing at the end of the appointment.

I mentioned gum and dental support.....I brush way too hard.  Am told gums won't grow back.  NRP gave me Bio-Dent supplement for that and Minchex for calming support.

I must chew the Bio-Dent.  I gagged once in a Pho restaurant, which surprised me, bc it wasn't worse than the other , barnyard floor tasting chewable I'd taken.

It's the nerves....they make me gaggy when I normally don't gag.  If I gag while brushing my teeth..... it's good information.

DD19 showed me a tick tock vid of a teen making fun of her mother gagging while brushing.  I guess it's a thing.

[lighter]

Updating this thread as I haven;t in a while.

I gave up milk and began taking Cod Liver Oil to help with dairy cravings.  2 days later the cravings left, my painfully gooy left ear stopped popping and hurting and the inflammation began falling off again. 

Clutching at better habits....... fewer processed carbs, more fresh veggies..... eating 3 good sized meals daily, instead of skipping breakfast dropped my inflammationa and weight again.  It's like alchemy....... eating a lot more food only to turn it into health, energy and melting inflammation.... read that as fluff around my middle and just everywhere. 

Calories in Calories out is just more Western medicine ignorance served with outrageous hubris.  Just.....
the sky is blue,. the grass is green.

I still take the betafood, Zypan, recently prescribed 6 drenamin daily and I guess that's about it right now.

I know how to end the supplements and the nutrition appointments. 

It's really really hard to BE in this world, around all the egregiously harmful but delicious food choices, ad campaigns, etc and make healthy choices consistently, but it's getting easier, bc I won't allow myself to fall into a diseases state, be drugged and cut up bc of those choices. 

There have to be limits.

Wow..... acceptance is better.

Lighter

[lighter]

 I see nutritionist today and spent evening and morning with my friend in Atlanta....who lost her h recently.

There was one moment on the phone where she was unhappy I was arriving later than she wanted to eat, but every other moment was....like cool fresh air.  Like she released a tight knot or accepted something she'd resisted and her light flowed and there was joy and I was observing, sans judgment, just noticing and curious about my parts in whatever tensions we've experienced through the years.

She looks great, self care is important and it's obvious to see.

Zero alcohol.

Good food and conversations flowed....I brought warm Pho and cold garnishes.  I'm so glad I didn't cancel this appointment, which should go well.

I need to make eating big b eakfast salads easier, bc I feel better all day.... it's a piece in inflammation and weight falling away, alchemy like magical no brainer discipline I can't understand NOT doing all the time as habit without fail.

I haven't changed enough old habits, but I'm working on it......I am.

A fundamental shift goes in and out of focus.

One would like to have it, but continue the old habits.... just not possible, though the mind pulls toward it, like a magnet.

Sometimes I catch it.  Sometimes I slip back....2 forward.  1 back and it's ok.

Just noticing the process is interesting and hopeful where I used to feel badly and criticize myself.....feel hopeless when I failed.

I can hear personal tectonic plates moving about, internally.....and it puts a smile on my face I can't stop making.

Lighter

[Hopalong]

I love the idea of big breakfast salads, Lighter.
I do need protein mornings but can always add that.

I notice when I do my "shakes" that I feel much much better the first half of the day.

No granular knowledge behind this (though some general) but this grassy-tasting recipe is based on basic things I do know and some I just add for MORE VEGS. This is the latest one I made that I'll have alternate days for a week:

pea protein (5-6 heaping scoops)
banana, 1.5 to 2
froz. blueberries (loads) -- sometimes w/peaches
apple half (just have it on hand)
cup of celery/carrots (leftover crudites)
kefir (cup+, for probiotics)
froz. org. kale and/or spinach (1.5+ cup)
tumeric (blob)
red pepper flakes (judicious)
liquid organic stevia (8-10 drops)

All in my ancient Vitamix, which would give you rolling-pin juice if you put one in it -- amaaazing machine. Bought it for $200 about 40 years ago from a man at Rodale who'd tried to cure his wife of cancer with nutrition and couldn't. I was grateful and he was lovely. And I'm a big believer in the power of intense nutrition, just kind of sloppy in how I do it. Can't afford other supplement powders so it's just raw food.

I notice:
--my shakes are not delicious. They taste kind of grassy but nothing revolting or to choke on. I'm happy drinking them because I know how I'll feel 20-30 min. later. I freeze 4 and breakfast on one.

--every OTHER morning I have these shakes. The alternate bfast is two egg whites w/ one yolk (us. boiled). I make a simple sammich with a yolk divided into two pita half-pockets and the rest of the cooked egg white jammed in to fill. (Pooch gets other yolk.) Salt and pepper and I'm reluctant to admit it, but a fat coating of Veganese inside. Yummm.

I know I must be short on some stuff in the shakes but so feel when I stick to them every other day, I feel better. (I am happy when I wake up on "egg day."!)

Feel free to review my bfasts, I'm curious! And congrats on how your regimen is working for you. Bravo!

hugs
Hops

[lighter]

I'm drinking more shakes, rather than skipping breakfast entirely, Hops.  Yours sound yummy and fruity.... I'm stepping around fruit mostly.  All sugars are avoided, for the mist part.

Your post made me super hungry for a fried egg, which I'll have shortly.  Yum.  Been eating 2 soft boiled eggs on salad with turkey, pomegranate seeds, nuts, beets and fig balsamic vinegar....too much sugar, but I pick my battles.

I miss bread.....a little. 

My appt with nutritionist was great.... I'm all 10s and pulled back to 3 supps.  I'm afraid nutritionist and I had a "chat" she was upset over.  I wasn't upset. 

She feels our schools, vet services and all prison/justice systems are splendid....without fault besides "a few people dropping through the cracks."I can't agree and didn't, but really had no need for her to agree.

Her assistant was nodding as I spoke, btw.  It's sad there's a chance she'll soup Nazi me out of her practice, but that's how she rolls.

I feel I'm doing ok if she cancels me.  That's a relief.  I've never had such a level appointment with her.  I was so calm and relaxed.....we had a nice chat, actually.....DD wasn't there.  It was just us two.  Then she was talking about EFT, how she used to teach it.  I loved that and wished our children could learn it in school.... that's where the wheels started falling off.  I think any suggestion the US has room for any improvement is taken as unpatriotic rhetoric by her. 

Not needing people to agree with me or get it or understand is.....coming up for me. 

I think I just listened to my newly widowed friend and it was part of her feeling lighter and happier.  Just to have someone listen w/o trying to inform or judge or change anything at all....is.... precious.

Lighter






And I realize,even if it's not ok.... it's ok. 

[Hopalong]

Hey Lighter,
Just wanted to share that after the horrid panic bout (mid SLEEP!) last night (yay, Christmas) I went on a serious hunt for help that might not involve Rx. I sooo would prefer to avoid SSRIs if I can.

Ran into a supplement powder (myo inositol) that has had a FEW real (but really small) studies and one of its purported uses is for panic attack prevention. Got some, just downed it, and have to say the kicker was it's also recommended for winding down racing thoughts that prevent sleep.

Can you imagine? If this stuff (easy to take in water) calms anxiety and also helps sleep, with zero side effects, I'll be in hog heaven. I mean, it'd be a personal MIRACLE.

No idea yet whether it'll work (I'm starting with a dose way smaller than the clinical experiement mega-doses), and doubt it'd be useful for you (it's a form of sugar) but from the potions and powders department, I'm provisionally really hoping. A lot.

hugs
Hops

PS Cleverly, because this brain don't do no math, I took a double dose. Turns out 2 tbsp is the dose and I took 4. Whoo. (Aiming for 18 grams as in the studies but the algebra defeated me.) Worst thing that could happen is extra potty time tomorrow. TMI.

[lighter]

I wonder why doctors don't learn about supplements and Eastern medicine.... at least a little, just so they're not ignorant boars on the topic and maybe so their toolboxes are expanded and more helpful, proactive and less toxic.

Looking forward to how you respond to a normal sized dose, Hops.

Maybe take with food.

Lighter