Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
DD18 seeing nutritional response practitioner (NRP)
lighter:
So, I got a bit nonchalante with the food and falling off the wagon a bit with GOODIEGIRL chocolate mind sandwich cookies at a dollar a box...... SO GOOD.
Even if I make 12 lbs of meatballs..... we get sick of meatballs, kwim? I stop eating SO MUCH FOOD, when I'm not hungry, which is a problem.
I skip breakfast moreoften than not.
The last 2 days I've focused on eating enough fat and protein.... greens and veg..... and I've slept like the dead. Truly. Just.... slept and slept while bringing my thoughts back to the moment, over and over.
This is what happened. I was sort of stuck at a point..... weight staying pretty much the same. I didn't weigh myself when I was gaining and just letting it happen. I didn't judge it good or bad, but I did feel uncomfortable in my clothing and body. I allowed myself that honesty and owned it.
When I began eating right, not perfectly, I'd say I lost 35 lbs based on where I was when I last weighed myself...the fit of my clothing etc. Don't really care, but I want to document for myself in a way I can revisit.
So..... eating more the last 2 days, which is a good deal more than I've been eating, has done a few things.
1. Another layer has dropped off my midsection, despite weight staying about the same. I'm me again. My hands recognize my midsection..... it's a crazy sort of alchemy to eat SO MUCH FOOD and have things shift again. It's counterintuitive. It's a chemical reaction, not calories in calories out, which I've always known made no sense, but that's what the docs and nutritionists shove down our throats from birth and here we are. It's in our cells and difficult to shed, IME.
2. My digestion is perfectly normal.... comfortable.... easy and notihing I think about it's..... boring, really. Muscle Response Practitioner will tell us we're constipated if we're pooping once a day. It's likely most people feel once a day is doing pretty good and it sure beats every other day or 2 days, but it's not normal.
3. I can't say sleep is better, bc of work on my nervous system or coping strategies or coming back to the present, over and over or if it's good food choices, and tending to my adrenals or heart or stomach. I do feel it's a combination and I'm lucky to notice when shifts come up... internally or externally... and mark them here so I can go back and trace the journey.
I do feel deep sleep is necessary to heal the brain and body on a cellular level. I know it is. I woke up this morning and there was zero shoulder pain, zero popping, zero OUCHING over odd catching and cracking and it's just gone. Poof. Done. Over. Passed.
Just extraordinary to have something so debilitating come and go..... like..... it's someone eles's body, not mine. My hips are fine. My feet are fine. My knee hurts a little from dancing like a crazy woman for many many songs in the kitchen with DD21 who bopped along.... HAPPY!
And THAT bopping was bopping I've done before..... my younger, fit self bopped like that. I recognize I don't want to get old more quickly than I have to. The stretching..... the going into nature with baby girl pug.... the dancing...... I think esp the dancing has been restorative and familiar and DD21 recognizes THAT mother.
I recognize the ease in her body and the laughter when I'm my authentic best self...the self I was in early 2006 and before.
This has been an amazing journey. I'd say difficult, but I don't think it has to BE that.
As I said in another post......
before being referred to trauma informed T.....
I was in my own way.
I KNEW I was in my own way.
Understood it as truth, but didn't understand the mechanics of it. The reasons and ways to slip into the water (fig.) and restore homeostasis.
YG is mowing the under the power lines and I feel nothing.
Well..... I think a little gratitude seeped in. It's the same sort of gratitude I feel towards ASPDh...... for the time I had with our girls, when they were babies and toddlers and little children...... I was SO happy and I loved being a Mom. I truly did. I was 37 yo and confident enough to deal with an ASPD well enough to restore my serenity again and again.... even though with his chaos manufacture and confusing sabotage that made no sense and will never make sense...thanks to Brother Mud for explaining that during early days on this board.
I can feel gratitude for YG's help and refuse to let his behavior touch me... in any way. I choose how to respond, in my own time.
YG truly is NOTHING to me. He was never anything. He's always been what I assigned him to be in whatever story I told myself.
I get to choose.
I'm having a really good day!
Lighter
lighter:
I have ABSOLUTE HISTORY running in the background. Right now they're talking about sugar's effect on dental health after it's introduction into Tudor households.
If anyone needs any proof sugar is bad for the body, in every way, feeding EVERYTHING bad in the body...... feel free to watch.
Sugar effects everything in the body.
Everything.
Plague
Fever
Consumption
Bad teeth are at the top of the list of problems suffered by the Tudors.
When my mother had a thermal scan, after cancer dx, there was a red line running from one of her molars to her left breast.... right to the cancer.
Teeth can be deadly. Infection can travel from infected teeth into the bloodstream a illustrated by my mother's scan. It's always been this way, yet Western medicine doesn't spend much time dealing with causes. IME, they've always been focused on treating symtoms.
I watched a program on mushrooms last night..... mushrooms are medicine, yup yup yup. Likely responsible for how quickly our brains grew yup yup yup.
Readying to head to the lake: )
Lighter
lighter:
I had a really good appt with NRP.
DD..... better than expected, but back to weekly visits. Both our stomachs are the main focus, of course. I'm down to 6 Betafood, 2 Ashwa Ghanda and just 3 Zypan supp pills a day. SO much improvement...... I felt better, calmer, easier, happier and relaxed. NRP said she's honestly never seen me look like this before, ever. She just looked and looked and said I need to do more resting without strings... it's working for me. I also think I'm more productive, happier and creative when I do get busy. It's a balancing act now. Hopefully will become new habit, patterns and pathways soon. Just have to keep up and make good food choices.... get sleep..... it's a way of life to choose healthier things. I find I'm either doing it, or I'm not.
My nervous system is..... sort of talking to me. On the two drives to Altanta in past 24 hour.... I had that feeling I was going to pass out at the point I drove through an area of heavy construction...... trapped between big trucks and concrete wall...... so close.... so long and just thinking about feeling faint made me feel faint. I can conjure it. It's in my head this time... in my nervous system. I have work to do there.
With that said, I think the alcohol smell/needle thing is all in my mind as well.... of course it is. It's my pathways and I've done work on this before. I look forward to working on it some more.
It makes a difference to travel through most of the day with my PNS engaged...... getting more and more normal..... becoming more familiar..... I remember a time when that's how I lived. I'm there again. It's a good thing.
Lighter
lighter:
Recent appointment went better than expected. Digestion and gut improved.
We did some one nostril breathing.....she rinded me to practice several times a day then pointed out my shallow normal breathing at the end of the appointment.
I mentioned gum and dental support.....I brush way too hard. Am told gums won't grow back. NRP gave me Bio-Dent supplement for that and Minchex for calming support.
I must chew the Bio-Dent. I gagged once in a Pho restaurant, which surprised me, bc it wasn't worse than the other , barnyard floor tasting chewable I'd taken.
It's the nerves....they make me gaggy when I normally don't gag. If I gag while brushing my teeth..... it's good information.
DD19 showed me a tick tock vid of a teen making fun of her mother gagging while brushing. I guess it's a thing.
lighter:
Updating this thread as I haven;t in a while.
I gave up milk and began taking Cod Liver Oil to help with dairy cravings. 2 days later the cravings left, my painfully gooy left ear stopped popping and hurting and the inflammation began falling off again.
Clutching at better habits....... fewer processed carbs, more fresh veggies..... eating 3 good sized meals daily, instead of skipping breakfast dropped my inflammationa and weight again. It's like alchemy....... eating a lot more food only to turn it into health, energy and melting inflammation.... read that as fluff around my middle and just everywhere.
Calories in Calories out is just more Western medicine ignorance served with outrageous hubris. Just.....
the sky is blue,. the grass is green.
I still take the betafood, Zypan, recently prescribed 6 drenamin daily and I guess that's about it right now.
I know how to end the supplements and the nutrition appointments.
It's really really hard to BE in this world, around all the egregiously harmful but delicious food choices, ad campaigns, etc and make healthy choices consistently, but it's getting easier, bc I won't allow myself to fall into a diseases state, be drugged and cut up bc of those choices.
There have to be limits.
Wow..... acceptance is better.
Lighter
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