I remember 1971 & '72, as grueling years. Yeah, it was high school - but outside of school, life was pretty bleak & dreary; politics an absolute shitshow; a gas shortage & deep recession. But in 1973, things started to mellow out - cheer up a little bit. National mood-wise. Maybe that was a cycle that will repeat, all these decades later? I don't think I'm actually HOPING that's the case, but I see a sliver of possibility that it could happen - instead of dire & doomy predictions all around us. OR, perhaps the mood will lift because if the doom-predictions become a reality, at least THEN, there will be more things in the control of individuals again, to manage and arrange their lives.
I dunno.
But it's that time of year when I hop on the mental/imaginary cosmic visionary flight way outside of the mundane to TRY to see as objectively as I can just WTH is going on right now, what consequences these actions are likely to produce, and to assess where, in & amongst all that, I can continue creating a life in this existence. And that's where "the list" of projects comes from.
I mentioned on CB's checkin thread that B now has the appt for part 2 of his pain mask. Since '94, he's had multiples of this "mask", with varying lifespans. Battery technology is better now, so the stimulator (for his spinal nerves) is expected to last 10 yrs, instead of 4. For the last 7 years - he's muddled through without ANY of it, due to bureaucratic snafus/glitches and what constitutes medical negligence or malpractice (IMO) at the other end. But a lot of his frustration there is due to an association of the pain itself (which, unmanaged, is out of his control) with the recent "modernization" of healthcare/insurance utilizing many many digital/telephonic "gatekeepers" and people who never see or speak to the doctors themselves. Which association, means that the simple process of seeking & receiving treatment, feels out of his control to him. It just dawned on me a couple days ago, that this association was a real thing he experiences. I wonder if pain management docs KNOW THIS?
The bio-neuro connection with pain is common knowledge. That's the reason "pain" is subjective; everyone feels it differently. But add in the further psychological neurology... and that seems to be out beyond the knowledgebase of the doc's experience. Curiosity - along with finding the "sweet spot" for B's wellbeing (yeah, a lot of this is his participation) - is fueling some cross-referencing research.
The medicinal herbal stuff is big on my "list" right now; focusing on the growing part of it - and dabbling in the application of them, as indicated/needed. We're possibly going to change the garden location; discussion continues.
Making things - sewing, possibly some furniture design/building - is also on the list; but it's an "as life allows" priority.
Business stuff is the main "project of the day", with taxes being prepared (and that's always a shell game, guessing game as to how much that's going to cost), choosing a new bank for most of our financial business, and beginning to talk about and design a succession plan. My bro's kids are 20 years younger than Hol, so there's a disparity in maturity levels & experience there. I'm hoping to kick that project off this spring. No idea how much my bro actually understands or has explained to his kids... or what they actually want (at this moment in time) for themselves. I'm not looking forward to the travel involved; but I did want to take B through Amish country.
Hol & I have worked through issues (both personal & interpersonal) and are at a pretty cozy plateau. She & S seem to have found more common ground also and he's finally feeling secure enough to open up more. This year, he bought her the 8 Hannukah presents and she was pleasantly delighted. And he participated more actively as host, during her party last weekend. He's even speaking to B! Who projects "grumpapotamus old man" to keep annoying people at a distance, and it's starting to work NOT in his favor. He is making efforts to get to know the people who are around here though.
Amber is..... just letting things change, be different. And having fun in the process. Expectations have been traded in for discovery & exploration; a bit more openness - even tho I still cherish my privacy nature a lot. Quiet time is still very much needed. But that's balanced now with a lot more energy & activity.
I don't have to have detailed blueprints prior to going out & just "doing" or "being".
So, it's all one big WHEEEEEEEEEEE! right now.
