Help on Therapist

[EC]

I am sure that this has been covered before but I went back on the posts and haven't found the correct link. Anyways, I will continue and if there was a previous post that is helpful please refer it to me. Otherwise, please advise here as appropriate.

I have come to the conclusion that I need some outside help and thus need to see a therapist. However, I know no one who ha used a therapist before and have no source for advice. How do we find the right therapist? How does one go about doing the search process and all the related activities.

Also, for someone who has no experience whatsoever with a therapist, what sort of advice would you give someone who is going to see a therapist for the first time. I must admit this is a very difficult step and I am somewhat frozen but will take the plunge once I have a better understanding as to what the process will be like.

Furthermore, I do have a handle on what my problem is (Nfather). Do I relay this immediately to my therapist or do I let them discover it on their own.

Any other advice on using a therapist would be greatly appreciated. Just add posts here as you see fit. I appreciate your help.

EC

[bunny]

Hi EC,

There's an essay written by Richard Grossman on this website: http://www.voicelessness.com/essay.html "A Person Comes To My Office"

How to go about finding a therapist?

(1) Do you have health insurance?
(2) Does your health insurance have a list of providers?
(3) Search on internet for "therapists in XXX (name of city)." You'll probably get search engines that look for therapists.

The most important thing is that you like the therapist. If the person is already bossing you around, being authoritative, know-it-all, or conversely, apprehensive and nervous, forget it. I want to feel respect for the person's intelligence and perception in the first visit. If they seem kind of lost, or make wrong assumptions, forget it. They basically have to attract me right away as intelligent, warm, empathic, and able to help me.

Relay the N-father issue immediately. That's the main problem so let them help you right away and get some relief.

bunny

[bludie]

I agree with Bunny's suggestions and would emphatically encourage you, EC, to listen to your gut or intuition about a potential therapist.

Part of my healing is to return to validating and trusting the intuitive part of me. When centered, my gut reactions are usually quite accurate. It's when I won't pay attention, validate or trust my inner self that gets me into trouble. In dealing with the N in my life, I repeatedly ignored or invalidated intuitive thoughts and feelings to the point of completely losing self.

So when it comes to something as important as choosing a therapist, I say trust your gut, EC. And good for you for taking the plunge...what a tremendous step toward growth and self discovery.

[Anonymous]

Great idea to find a therapist.
Trust your instincts. The fist visit will tell you a lot. But it is not enough. Keep observing his/her behavior.
And yes, you will get some relief, AT SOME POINT IN TIME.
You need to get seriously involved in the process.
Even the best therapist (intelligent, warm, empathic, able to help ) will not be able to do ALL the job for you.
Good luck.

[Judith]

Hi EC
Great idea... I believe with a good therapist it is possible to
work through personal growth much faster than if one had
to do it alone. It works for me!

I agree with the others, find a therapist that you like,
feel comfortable with, who doesnt act like a know-it-all,
that asks you good questions so you can discover for
yourself what you are going through.

My therapist recently told me that at least half of the therapists
out there are Narcissists.. so watch for the signs and choose one
who has a heart and can empathize.  

I'm lucky enough to have
a therapist who told me her father is a Narcissist.. so perhaps
it would be good to find a therapist who at least knows some
narcissists... who really knows how debilitating N's can be to
live with or be around.

About the process, and by the way my father is a N too,
I'm going through a roller coaster of  emotions and responses
to present problems with him and past hurts. Its very intense..
but the new feelings of freedom and self-love and hope for a
happier future are starting. So I encourage you to GO FOR IT!

Many many people are too reticent to face their own feelings...
mabye as significant others we are used to feeling our feelings
as we not only had to have our own but the N's projected their
feeling onto us too. Maybe therapy is easier for us???

One time I had to interview 5 therapists before I found one I liked.

Good luck!

Judith

[Anonymous]

Hi EC,

I found new life in finding the right person (therapist) to enhance my life with.  I have decided to share with you my very personal poem about my experience with my therapist. He has not only changed my life-- but though me, he positively touches everyone I come in contact with. This is what a wonderful therapist can do for us!



Crossing Your T’s[

Technique........Talent........and Trust
Professionalism..…personal application..…and person[/size]


Tales of tears and topics
Tattered the terminal of my train
Transfer this trampled torch of tradition
To a towering tide of cognition.

Tackle with talent in a technical time
Transcend trauma and tame the mind
Transform trouble and transfix the text
A tribute to Technicolor is what comes next.

Tenacity, intensity, trust, integrity;
Determination, integration, tranquility.
Tackle the tough till it’s tender terrain
Treasure the triumphant tenant in my brain.

Temper the turbulent traffic of the tornado
A tango of Talmud and Tao
Technique, talent, and trust
Tickle my temple with twirling dust

Toast to the triad in my temporal tropics
Take the taboo and touch me true
Trepid is the transcript today, tomorrow, and eternity
If it weren’t for the touchings (Tao Chings) of you.

It's sometimes hard to know when someone is wrong for us... but you will know, for sure, when some is right for you! And remember, a good therapist will help you and be there for you, but you need to do the work. Celebrate the growth brought on as only pain can offer. It's the only true way to get there! Don't see difficult things as a road-block, see them as a road to opportunity!  Good luck in your search and your journey towards greater health.  A fellow follower,

BJ

[Dr. Richard Grossman]

Hi, EC--

I started a new thread:  "Help in looking for a therapist:  recommended book" that may be useful.

Best wishes,

Richard