Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Captain's Log - 2024
Hopalong:
HNY, Amber and all!
Twoapenny:
I feel so bad for B with this constant ongoing (and unnecessary) drama and delay and obfuscation with regard to his medical situation. Even basic admin not being done properly, we get a lot of that as well, the last doc we saw was dictating a letter while we were sat in front of him and made a mistake with a date. I corrected him and he just shrugged and carried on. They're so slack. Well I'll hope for a 2025 miracle on the medical front.
In other news, I am hoping the external elevator is in the form of a Tardis and that the kitties all get to ride in it wearing little scarves :) Lol
Hopalong:
I feel for you both. Few weeks ago I mentioned to the cardiologist that, as usual, I prefer to be very conservative with number of prescribed drugs and dosages. Reminded him gently that my initial 3-dose/day of isisorbide had taken my BP down to 60/40 At the rehab gym, and he said three? That couldn't be, and went into a whole thing casting doubt on the accuracy of the staff's readings....though they'd taken it three times and sent me home, as I did feel faint. He said 60/40 isn't compatible with life outside an ICU, and I just thought to myself well, you over-prescribed and it was dangerous for me since as I told you, my BP always runs low....
I think he was beginning to hear me or a trickle was getting through. But that's why I can so easily imagine how maddening its been for you and B. We have to fight so persistently to get through and be taken seriously. And poor B, to have not only the mental stress of the medical and insurance bureaucracies but the constant nagging and serious pain....I don't know how he manages.
And that you manage your own stresses and health at the same time is really something, Amber. I hope itll all get easier in some ways this year.
Hugs
Hops
sKePTiKal:
So...
I think I got Dr. Lee's attention. Told him it was Dec '23, when we had no choice but to turn the stimulator OFF. And in Jan. '24, the bolus controller (that delivers extra doses from the morphine pump) started acting up... and now needs to be replaced. B called the company support number that I found online, a new number, because the company has been sold... <rolleyes> and was told he needed a prescription from Dr. Lee to be able to BUY a new controller. Cool, he wrote it on the spot. When B called back, to ask how much and where to send the Rx, he was told Dr. Lee needed to buy it and then, B reimburses him. So: another month's time wasted on idiotic processes and poor communication.
All Lee could suggest was upping his oral painkiller dose - which isn't all that effective, but does help a little - for the time being.
As to the CTscan Lee ordered last month, I had to ask - what happens now? I understand the ortho surgeon needed recent imaging but will he call us or do we need to make an appt? We need to call for the appt. But, B sold a piece of property that is going to closing tomorrow... and being unfamiliar with the whole process is constantly upset by the realtor or lawyer's tone... scared to death of getting screwed by the boilerplate legalese that this state requires. So, the new Dr. appt has to wait till we get past closing.
Meanwhile, I have to get a jeep inspected. It's only going to be 25 degrees today. (We've plowed snow and had to troubleshoot Hol's solar & propane while she's gone.)
Hol & C are in Japan now; across the date line so it's Wed for me, today and Thursday for her. This week's housesitter is a contractor friend of hers. He's got Knuckles & Kiri down there, with him. So that's a little break for us. Next week, it's S and I'll have Knuckles again. They'll be back in country on the 26th.
I had texted her about the appt situation, which being horrible urban driving requires her to drive. It's also a couple hours away, at least. She told me they're already planning a trip the middle of next month!!! So, as to not freak her out while she's on vacation, I haven't said anything else about this. But I am NOT a live-in dog/house sitter for her... and resent being TOLD I have to hold down the fort, when we have our own things to do. Like finish B's move up here. And this week's housesitter has the ability to help him get moved. Given it's winter, he could use the work. (He has his own fraught life too; lots of irons in fires; so trying to pin down B on timing, and contractor's availaility... sigh.)
So, it's been more than a little NUTZ around here. Oh... and the little kitties are having their first heats. It's a LOT. But we're eating pretty good and getting our "long winter's nap" in. This contractor is also a vet; so B has been enjoying trading war stories. It's not just B putting up with "the system" and it's indignities.
I think it would be great for everyone and their mood, if it warmed up and the wind died down.
sKePTiKal:
It's interesting to notice how things recede in importance when they're fading away in the "rear view mirror". Hol & C will land on our coast sometime Sunday. She can't say exactly, because the flight info is initially using Japan time, which is a day ahead of us. Then, depending on their jet lag and the train schedule, they'll head west again and come home south of C's town.
We survived holding down the fort. And no worse for wear, actually. B has been feeling good enough to plow/shovel snow - altho I've been starting the evening fire early, so he can warm up. It hasn't been awful helping out her housesitters. #1 is kinda foreign to this kind of lifestyle, so I was visiting her and troubleshooting almost everyday. And her stay was shortened due to more snow in the forecast. But she was creative and more resourceful/resilient than I initially thought. We talked about her writing project - exploring complex grief - and I managed not to wear the professor hat that day.
#2 is her contractor friend that I get along with famously. (TOO well, given our astrological proclivities. But we've navigated that. And B likes him a lot too.) Together, we reworked Hol's emergency instructions for the solar system/propane genny... and found a less convoluted and functional management plan for snow covered panels and extreme cold temps. He's needing some help in areas that I have some experience in - but not his kind of experience; that's out of my league. I wish I could help him, but I absolutely burned all my bridges to what once was an extensive network. On purpose! <grin>
#3 is S. And he showed up in time to minimize my work and we TALKED about the solar/power stuff and dogs. And since he needs no social support and knows the house since he used to live there... has allowed B & I to take care of ourselves/our place/ and some of our "have tos". I'm picking up the slack for a few days, as he has to work this weekend.
But, we got B through closing on the property sale and the lack of communication (and contradicting communication) on receiving his share of the proceeds. Things a lot of us take for granted - having lived through it previously - are brand-new experiences for him. Albeit colored by past negative experiences that he is convinced is happening NOW AGAIN in NEW situations. SIGH. Sometimes, I have to give myself a break from trying to explain to him that he is making things this way by holding on to those past experiences. It just irritates me no end that people have used him that way in the past. And when I refuse to back down on my understanding of what's going on... then, he shifts to it's just his constant bad luck or being cursed. <rolleyes>
Sometimes, I convince myself this is just Aries rigidity. Both my parents & my Grandma were Aries. I knew going into this relationship that something was going to come full circle, with this. I've also known one Aries (coworker) who did not fit that mold. I do astrology by collecting characteristics of real people I've known instead of accepting without question the standard template definitions. So I am open to being proven wrong and am usually delighted when I am. It's new and more information from the universe.
Sometimes, I see this mental pattern as the intersection of ADHD & OCD - both of which are strong with him. We talk about the ADHD as his tangential squirrels... and the OCD is how he is trying to cope with so much inner distraction. All of this, is just he & I getting to know each other on deeper levels - and staying WITH each other instead of going to old relationship patterns. It's work, some days! But we always laugh about it too.
He has just as many things to talk about me... and does when it's necessary.
Anyway, the snow should melt - it's getting warmer this week - and we survived the winter's worst AND Hol being gone. And I need to order seeds and start talking garden plans with B.
Ground Hog Day is looming! Fingers crossed.
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