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Captain's Log - 2024

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sKePTiKal:
Well, B has a large live trap that he's going to show Hol how to setup & use, today. As for "what S does", she and I disagree over her "strategy" (I say, it's her decision and she's been overly patient already; make the decision SHE wants). She has decided to see if in the next month, IF he can positively participate in a) the tasks necessary around here and b) relationship with her - instead of being so self-absorbed he can't even follow her dog training protocols with Kiri. After 5 years of the same behavior, I can predict the outcome with about 70% accuracy.

Case in point: yesterday B, Hol & I dove on a specific task - cleaning out a small shed and redistributing items to where they'll be needed/used. As she said WHY she was helping and that she was coming up... he said he was getting ready to take a bath or he'd come help too.   <rolleyes out my ass>  We were done in an hour, then Hol & B moved a lot of lumber we saved from deck rebuild to barn until we're ready to put up woodsheds. I went up to studio to work on drywall.

B is going to reorganize the studio garage for his purposes, and we need to take the drop ceiling down, to see the plumbing situation for the upstairs remodel. So, this way, the bird food can be stored in the shed in mouse-resistant bins - and there won't be any meeses running around his delicate precision instruments in the garage. Or my fabric upstairs.

As for the dreams, I'm waiting to see what else is delivered. Nothing last night. They certainly seem useful and don't portend anything negative. Could just be a "long time no see" kind of thing.

sKePTiKal:
I'm hearing the various groundhogs didn't see their shadow today. Time to get muscles loosened up, and some strength training... coz spring she be a'comin' early!  (They hope.)

lighter:
Hol can't see S in her life is a choice.....for whatever reason, she can't.  Not yet.

sKePTiKal:
Woke up to Christmas this morning, Hops! 5 inches of wet snow turned this place into a winter wonderland; a currier & ives print. It's not going to last long then, the battle of the "muddy girls" (jeeps) begins. Altho, I'm planning to finish up as much as I can getting my tax docs to the CPA, some housework & making dark chocolate & cherry brownies for Valentine's Day goodies.

B's been here since Thanksgiving. We've had a fire in the stove every night. The bolus (morphine pump booster) has been helping him a lot. He boosts it once in the morning and right before bed (only allowed 1 every 8 hrs) so he's been moving easier through the work days and sleeping better at night. We still have the usual crap with the doctors, but it's been easier to get him to shift focus to stuff we're doing around here. He does things, especially in the kitchen, differently than I do. But it's been pretty easy to adapt to that or just insist on the little things I want "my way". We are getting more "fun things" in our routine too... just little mundane things that are local, that please us. He saw a promo for an estate jewelry show in town that we went to. Prices were a tad high for things, really. I did see a pair of heavy lapis earrings that interested me; big oval drops - that would probably hurt to wear, especially at that price. What decided me against, was the wire fastened in the front. (Maybe 20s style?)  While we were there, he snuck around and bought me an affordable bracelet instead.  <swoon; it's those kinds of things out of the blue that keeps me enchanted with him>

Yeah, he's a packrat; he's messy (but does clean up after himself); and somedays just hard-headed stubborn negative jackass. But he's MY jackass. None of that ever lasts a whole day either. I irritate him too, interrupting his process with things I think need to happen RIGHT NOW. LOLOL. And I know Hol is a little jealous. We can spend the whole weekend at home just hanging out together, doing our own things and talking most of the day... and no drama occurs. She does say that we're still in the "new relationship" phase... but he's been moving in since 2019 (I know, right??? 6 years?? REALLY???) and we're spending more and more time together, contently. WHATEVER.

Given his last 2 marriages, I can see him wanting to drag his feet. And he knows I have residual fears from going through losing Mike (despite me still cussin' M's packrat gene; NO I still haven't used up a lot of the stuff he bought in bulk). But we do talk - about almost everything - easily. There have been a couple things he didn't want to bring up but did just spit out... and we're past those things. So everything's just fine between us.

Hol's been getting more girlfriend time, and I think that's having a relief-effect for her. Last one, was a spur of the moment sleepover - which meant we had to take care of the dogs, since S was working. I told her she deserved a night off & to enjoy herself - which she did.

I'm really antsy to get started on spring stuff: seeds mostly - but our nights are still way too cool, even with grow lights. I might chance some herbs in the next week or so and use a space heater. We'll see. Having someone to plan with is a lot more fun. Hol is too bossy & critical and only she does it the right way. SIGH. I can't stand that but she'll get it out of her system pretty soon, I hope.

Hopalong:
I'm so happy he makes gestures like that, Amber. You deserve them -- a lot.
Sounds like you both are dealing with the gritty parts of the nitty very well. And happy V-day to you both!

One thing I noticed with ExH #2, who had intense chronic pain from the rods in his spine and nerve damage (nothing like B's) ... was that his sense of humor was almost all physical. Goofy dancing, etc. So when the pain surged and he had to hold himself very still to cope, that was torture. His life as a monumental sculptor before his accident involved dancing up and down massive granite pieces moved by crane and banging chisels into rock or holding heavy grinders aloft for hours, etc.

It's always amazed me how busy and physically productive B sounds, given the pain. I guess at this point in life I feel that admiration about nearly everybody I know! But y'all both take the proverbial cake. And overall, you report very little irritability and anger between you, which is awesome considering the amount of work you engage in and obstacles he carries.

Do you think B would unconsciously wait on a proposal because he loves you so much he wants your lives to be totally sorted, etc? Or fears burdening you? Six years is a long time if that's one dream you may hold in your heart.

I'm touched that you still miss Mike sometimes. You think keeping whatever it is that he buys in bulk around is about that? Is whatever it is useful to you?

hugs
Hops
PS Oh yes I'm jealous of that fat snowfall you got! Here it's been flip-flopping between spring and some unnamed uneasy season that doesn't belong. Don't envy you future mud struggles though. Is the road up graveled?

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