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Twoapenny:
Yes, yes and yes. I'm not sure why I keep repeating the same thing myself. I'm aware that I need to connect much more deeply with my own self and my own situation. I'm in my head a lot of the time and I look for things to distract me - things online, scenarios with other people, other people's problems. When I should focus my time and energy on me. But - I also know that deep down I'm very sad, very lonely and very scared. I worry about my tendency to depression and that connecting too deeply with my real feelings will take me into a place that I find very difficult to get out of again. But at the same time I feel it's what I need to do, to move forward. To be more real, and attract more people into my life who are authentic about their feelings, straight talkers, relationship sorters and generally people who, if they do talk about difficulty in life, are talking about it in order to figure out a way forward, rather than just talking for the sake of talking. I kind of know what I need to do but at the same time pull myself back from doing it.
I read a book years ago, The Continuum Concept? Do you know it? Long time ago now, it's about the way in which traditional tribal groups live communally and, as a result, are much healthier and happier than we are in our separate boxes having to travel miles to see our friends and loved ones. One of the things she talks about in there (I think she was /is a psychologist?) is how the humdrum jobs are far less boring and tedious when done as part of a group. The women would work together all day, getting the boring but necessary jobs out of the way together and talking and laughing as they did so. That's part of the problem I have, I think. I have to separate socialising from getting things done. I'd be much happier sitting and talking to someone if everything I needed to do was done, but when I know I'm just creating more work for myself by not getting on with it it frustrates me. Hmmm. Need to think about that some more.
sKePTiKal:
When you're the only person doing things, it IS more important that you get things done than socializing. I think that's something drilled into me, and with Buck & Hol taking over some things... all I'm left with is socializing and it's not that nutritious for me. Feels empty, ya know?
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: sKePTiKal on July 16, 2024, 08:36:06 AM ---When you're the only person doing things, it IS more important that you get things done than socializing. I think that's something drilled into me, and with Buck & Hol taking over some things... all I'm left with is socializing and it's not that nutritious for me. Feels empty, ya know?
--- End quote ---
Skep, you are a genius. The last 25 years that I've been battling depression, anxiety, stress, exhaustion and all other unpleasant things, the advice from doctors, therapists, self help books, every article you ever read online and everything else is all about socialising, getting out and about, self care, me time and all the rest of it. But do you know what, that's never worked for me, and it's because of what you've said. I'm the only one doing the work, so it is more important to get that done. That's exactly it. That's the self care, much like Lighter saying her self care is figuring things out for other people. Sitting listening to people gossip, talk about celebrities, moan about their husbands, does nothing for me. But getting everything done so that life is calm, orderly, has a few treats built into it and I don't wake up stressed in the morning and having to rush about - that's what works. Why did I not see this before? You've hit all the nails on all the heads lol.
With that in mind, I woke up early yesterday, as I often do, and instead of faffing about not sure whether to do yoga, try to get back to sleep, get some paperwork done, sit and read, and generally waste a couple of hours not making a decision (which is what I normally do), by 7.30am I'd done an hour in the garden, the washing was out on the line, the evening meal was prepared and I was sitting down to breakfast with my son. Carried on in that busy way all day and didn't think about self care or socialising. Did some yoga in the afternoon, went for a swim in the outdoor pool in the evening (and enjoyed the chit chat with the ladies there) and in between, did some sewing for the first time in I don't know how long. I think I've always been looking for some sort of existential shift to occur, to make things better? But really it's just about getting on with what needs doing, isn't it? Wow. Content and the house is tidy :) Lol x
Hopalong:
I'm so glad I read this exchange today.
Thank you, both!
I will read it again. And again.
hugs
Hops
sKePTiKal:
I dunno about genius. I have lived a pretty challenging life, learned things the hard way, got back up, dusted off and kept putting one foot in front of the other. I think about things... from way outside the maelstrom where it's quiet. LOL. And Hol & I talk a LOT about things. She's been doing another inner work growth spurt I think. But it's not always easy or pretty. And she helps keep me moving.
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