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Dumb question

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sKePTiKal:
I probably already know the answer, but it's not coming verbally for me yet.

What do you call it, when a person communicates that they would think, believe, be, do something different than you would... and isn't satisfied to accept that we are different people and therefore allowed these differences... but instead insists that one must be/become more like them?

(more on this later - I'm interested in y'alls vocabulary for this kind of thing. Merci in advance.)

lighter:
 Is this disagreement about politics or something else?

Is the other person disdainful and belittling when insisting you change your views?

Hopalong:
disapproval?
shunning?

...come to mind....sorry you're experiencing this, whatever the cause. I don't think humans have a wide range of how to remain connected while disagreeing, these days.

hugs
Hops

sKePTiKal:
I'm looking more for a word that conveys the behavior pattern. Yeah, there's a disagreement involved but it's more about basic commonsense ways we protect ourselves in an ever crazier & more iffy world. Granted we don't have a lot of that around here...

but since S is gone & she's trying to get out a little more and go places, it's rather important. This is only the latest example; it IS a definite pattern across a wide range of subjects. I'm not so concerned about the difference of principle or opinion, as I am the phenomenon of "you need to be more like me". I'm not in my mid-40s anymore. Not only is my world view based on experiences and times she's never had, my choices about everything at this stage of my life are for me and don't have to meet anyone else's criteria. What's right for me, obviously isn't for her. I wouldn't expect her to be like me either. Yeah, there is enough in common for this to work most of the time. But we have a completely different set of "needs" and chosen ways of "being".

Does that help clarify?

Hopalong:
Sounds like torturous talks my D and I had before she moved on.
We both wanted to be more right and more logical. Understood, respected.

It was utterly dead end.

The thing was, how intensely for a time we each held to our positions because to accept the other's point of view would be "losing" or, worse, threatening our identities. Then as her illnesses got worse, I had to draw new boundaries and not try so hard to keep her safe or help her learn. She was absolutely near-violently allergic to any advice OR KNOWLEDGE from me. Nothing was neutral. I realized that, like her Dad, she took pleasure in hurting me and was desperately angry that she hadn't individuated or succeeded in life. Her education, work, health and romance dreams were ashes. Then it all escalated until she left.

I don't know what notes your conversations with Hol are sounding in HER ears, but so wish she had a trusted counselor and other local relationships (like friendships). Sounds like her friends are great, but not nearby.

Could be projecting, gaslighting, loads of terms, or just could be....flailing, and Mom's authority (in presenting knowledge) makes her nuts.

hugs
Hops

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