Developing A Personality

[sKePTiKal]

Maybe my impression isn't accurate - but aren't there countries where it's the norm (or at least, not uncommon) for strangers to ask to sit when there are plenty of seats? Just for the conversation?

When I was still in HS, some mornings I'd stop at the bakery - which had a little cafe - on my way to school. Every morning there was a group (a "liar's club" in some parlances) of old gents. Some businessmen, some retired, definitely a connection between them. They would discuss current events, bringing in the historical angles, making value judgements... tsk' tsking.... all of that. They would let me sit with them sometimes. I didn't talk, just listened. Guess they saw some value in that.

On the other hand, if I'm having a private convo and don't want to be disturbed - my nanosecond instinct is to flash the trespasser with "the look". I don't care if they're harmless or not; I'm guarding my space. LOL.

[lighter]

I've decided it wasn't appropriate for the old guy to approach our table, bc other tables were available AND DD and I were engaged in conversation.

There were seats everywhere....outside, inside. 

Simply asking him to wait, till we were done, was the move......even if he wanted to argue or ignore me.  Leaving would have felt less helpless.

Welp, another lesson.  Another opportunity.

Lighter

[Hopalong]

A fond (hah) memory:
In the very early 70s when I was in grad school a new female friend and I were sitting in the atrium over a beer and enjoying a very deep conversation. I know it was about ideas, writing, etc, but it was a wonderful talk in a wonderful moment.

A good-looking guy came up, gave a charming smile and said mind if I sit with you?

She and I exchanged a glance (we did mind) and I said to him very nicely and with no hostility whatsoever: Actually, we're just deep into our conversation...

I'll never forget how his face changed in one moment from heyyyyy, here I am and aren't you lucky, to a petulant rich boy who'd never been rejected. He became instantly and genuinely angry and hissed at me, "All RIGHT, Gloria Steinem!" and stomped off.

At least he'd read something. What amused (and saddened) me most was his utter shock at two women simply and politely saying No.

Faint chance, but I also wondered if Lighter's geezer creeper was just lonely? Not that this grants him permission to invade your space, but I don't think it's wrong of him to ASK, may I join you? Great opportunity for saying No.

hugs
Hops

[Twoapenny]

I was thinking about the chap at the table scenario when we were out today and I was chatting to people in the queue.  It occurred to me that I very rarely, if ever, initiate conversations with men, unless it's at the checkout/ordering at a cafe and then it's just polite chit chat while I pack my shopping or wait for my food.  Women, I chat to all the time, but I've had so many times when a polite conversation with a man has quickly turned into them talking about their sexual preferences/prowess that I don't bother any more.  Either that or they just drone on about themselves without any desire to actually have a conversation.  I have been told that I have 'resting bitch face' (do you guys have that expression over there?).  That seems to put a lot of people off.  Lighter, you maybe need a mohican and loads of piercings or something, see if that makes you look less approachable   Lol.

Anyway, I've had my usual 'wading through treacle' episode after therapy.  Friday I dragged myself through, Saturday I just didn't function.  People say that your thoughts create your feelings but I'm absolutely convinced my feelings create my thoughts.  I shut down, I feel like my veins are full of sludge and everything feels too difficult, too tiring, too much.  I don't think of anything much.  Then as it starts to shift my brain starts going, oh!  Was it about that?  Oh! Perhaps you should do this?  As if it's never had a thought before.  Madness.

Anyway.  It shifted this morning and we've had a really nice afternoon out at a lovely old Art Deco theatre that was showing old Laurel and Hardy films, accompanied by live musicians   Hot chocolate afterwards and a walk by the sea.  Was blissful, home now, tired and happy.  Kitty was in a mood because he'd been abandoned for the day.  He's had some treats so he's happy again now lol.

[Hopalong]

That does sound blissful, Tupp.
So happy to hear about your afternoon.

I get it about men who consider all space (including the space between your ears) their own. And RBF, which I love. I have Resting Beagle Face, which is easier.
Unfortunately, plenty of men respond to RBtchF by trying to coerce women to smile. I say go Medusa on them! Maybe develop a scary hissssss....or slowly lower one hand into a deep pocket and glare hard. Or, just silence. Empty, bored silence. They are gnats.

As to the post-therapy treacle, I hope you'll just keep wading. Therapy is a thing that does heal, but it can be like a very slow tide. Nature and wisdom need their time to rewire old alarm-synapses. Peaceful energy will come in its time, and post-T will be less swampy, I believe. Especially as you gain control of the urges to criticize and pick yourself apart. You are WHOLE deep in there, and now you're excavating as patiently as an archeologist. The treasure of a peaceful self will be revealed, I know it.

hugs
Hops

[lighter]

Hi, Tupp:

I think the moments, after deep T sessions, can be unexpected transformative moments. Often appearing without announcement.  Often tip toeing in, quietly.
 
My T calls them fruits and flowers of doing the work.

I don't remember trusting relief and peace would appear.....until they showed up, again and again.

I engaged the work with honor and full surrender. I couldn't see farther, so I couldn't trust farther, and it was enough.

Relief was a balm...

Looking back, I didn't need to know anything, beyond commitment to doing the work.

Reading through your experience.....your shift into expansive thoughts and choice, was joyful.  I've read it 4 times🌿

The journey continues, ((Tupp.))

Lighter