Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Farm Journal - 2025
sKePTiKal:
B says the muscle spasms intensity has been reduced quite a bit. Instead of his legs & feet having a mind of their own, he'll just notice a muscle tightening and loosening... like when guys want to show off a bicep muscle. Important detail is that he only has real feeling in his legs and feet, to about mid-thigh.
Also, I'm having a hard time getting Hol to accept a basic fact of how morphine pumps work. There isn't any psychotropic effect per se; it's directed into the spinal column to soothe the nerves that are agitated & read by the brain as pain.
It is really amazing how positively this small change has helped. He's working at building up his stamina, strength & muscle again by cutting up some downed trees & splitting firewood (for next year). It is repetitive, and I have a wood splitter, so it's not like he's swinging an axe but he put in close to 8 hrs yesterday - with breaks.
Every thing about his presence is clearer and brighter. That is a total relief.
lighter:
Relief for B flipped through my stomach, along with the "feelings to mid thigh" and "hours of wood splitting."
The idea of B sleeping 12 hours, at a go....
as Hops said.... it's much needed healing and recovery time, yup yup yup.
I bet B is so happy to be busy busy. It's a beautiful time of year to work outdoors. Fills me with warmth to picture him engaged and feeling like himself again.
Try not to scratch, Amber.
Lighter
sKePTiKal:
It appears that the dosage change is definitely a more permanent solution to no stimulator than the oral Rx. B is doing really well and I won't worry (as much) about his long long drive south on Monday.
So, as is usual in life, I'm shifting the caretaking to Hol. She & C had a major blow-up a week or so ago. They've gone to their separate corners, but are still talking somewhat. What shows up clearly is C has some serious issues that make him even more volatile that Hol is. We've tried guessing what those issues are... but to no solid conclusions or even clues. He has to tell his story.
I'm not comfortable having that energy around here. And there's the aspect of ticking timebomb to watch for, more uneasiness. He has apologized, and I'd imagine pretty embarrassed. So, Hol is keeping a pretty cool head through all of this; trying to hold compassion; knows she didn't do anything wrong or to upset him. She's still hurt; but she's even handling that pretty well. I did sit with her the first day. Let her spew everything going thru her head without commenting (much). That's the kind of thoughts that - if she keeps them to herself - torment her into downward spirals, emotionally.
She did mention recently, that she's being drawn to writing again. (If she ever sits down!) She and her landscaping friend worked all last week, and will again this coming week. She has been remodelling a new space to become her sewing & leather studio. That work is about done... then the big move happens. Since S has moved (mostly) out, she's been trying to make more space in her small-ish house and make it more functional. I have the same thing to do downstairs, as the time when B is completely moved in is getting closer. I've started to crave some redecoration in the living room as well - but this does work for us, for now.
And B and I are getting ready to transition into the "other kind" of relationship we have - the text buddies. And I need to focus on my garden pretty soon; I've waiting long enough on the weather to stop being bi-polar. Doing my things, myself... and in my own time... not waiting for someone else to get his part done or accomodating HIS schedule. I'm not complaining, here. It's just a fact of life of living with another person. The plus side of that, far outweighs all the little "sacrifices" that require some patience.
No idea how the C saga is going to turn out. As long as she can adjust to a new situation, I can watch from afar. But she has shattered in the past, so I'm watchful.
lighter:
I despise being held hostage to emotionally distregulated people's outbursts/consistent whining or irrational yanking everyone's carts off the rails, just bc. My face snarles up just thinking about it
And....I realize....I no longer care why they do it. It gets a glance, and my mind's made up. Nope.
Sorry Hol is dealing with some version of "volatile" relationship, and presumably, hoping to figure it out, change it or, always my past favorite, heal it.
I really wanted her to enjoy being peacefully busy with C.....a team.
You didn't mention the itching, so hopefully it's about over.
If you're enjoying similar weather, it's balmy, moist and greening up where you are. Can't wait to follow your garden journey. The decorating interests me too!
Good luck to B on his drive and finishing old business. Let me know if he needs a bonfire and cord cutting ceremony. We'll set him up; )
Lighter
sKePTiKal:
I think B is more self-reliant/resilient than a lot of people! He'll be fine.
If we're sharing the contents of our "least favorite things" list... the thing that chaps my grits recently is the insistence by SOME PEOPLE, that all the people around them MUST agree with them on (pick a topic) and that we MUST see it all the same way OR....
we're invalidating them... or
we're the enemy.
All facts & evidence to the contrary.
I'm glad I figured out being "hermit" already.
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