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jennelayne:
I have seen way too much of her since last week! My husband keeps telling me to cut down the contact. He's tired of the stress I go through. I have constant migraines (since I was 12 years old) and I usually have them when I'm with her.
Anyway, last Friday night before I brought the girls over to her town (she was taking them to a Caribbean concert - she invites and then reminds us all of the expense of the tickets) I was speaking with her on the phone trying to coordintate times, etc. She asked if they girls were looking forward to the concert. This was at least the third time she has asked (she wants affirmation that she has done a wonderful thing for them and what a wonderful grandmother she is). After having told her they were looking forward to it the first two times (when in fact, they only endure being with her and do not enjoy things they normally would) I asked her if she knew how many times she had asked that question. She replied, "I don't think I've asked and if I did I must not have gotten a reply." I told her I had said they were looking forward to the concert at least two times. "She let out her "hmmph" and got off the phone. Of course I then felt guilty. I don't know how to talk to her and come up with answers that will release me of guilt and not feel like I'm lying.
My nine year old asked me a few weeks ago, "Not to be mean, but when's grandma going to die?" She asked it so innocently and without malice.
I will see her again next week at my nine year old's soccer game. My Nex-husband will have the girls from tomorrow night until Sunday and that always brings new issues for the girls. They spoke with him this morning on the phone and he reminded my nine year old that yesterday was "mommy and daddy's anniversary". Now why did he have to say that to his child? Why bring up an anniversary to a marriage that ended three years ago? The first two anniversaries post divorce, he bought anniversary cards for the girls to sign and give to me. They would say that they hope we get married again. This year neither one of them thought about it at all until he reminded them. My nine year old (Danae) immediately made a card for me that said, "Happy Anniversary. Dear mommy, I hope you gave a great anniversary! You are the best mom in the world... And if you didn't marry daddy me and Marissa wouldn't be here. Love Danae"
After he almost killed me and had to move out due to an order of protection against him, he would have the girls for visitation and set a place at his table for me each meal. He would fix meals he said were my favorites. He would rent movies like The Parent Trap and make them watch our wedding video while telling them I broke my promise to him and God. He still wears his wedding ring. (I re-married a year and a half ago.)
Thanks for letting me vent.....
vincent:
I just found out about this board - actually I came here after figuring out I am a narcissist myself. But the way you describe your mother sounds like the way I think about mine. It hits me that I have turned into a narcissit to shield myself from the damage of being raised by one... So on the positive side, consider the fact you at least didn't turn out completely self-centered and emotionally blind. I hope you recover !
Vincent
Jaded911:
Vincent,
I was amazed to see that you posted that you considered yourself to be a N. I will begin this by saying that I applaud you for publicly stating your thoughts. You displayed something that most N would never display. Admitting that you consider yourself a N just might perhaps be your first step in breaking the cycle. You stated that your mother sounded like the other mother being described. I hope for your sake that if you have children, you will realize that one day your children might have the same feelings about you and the need to break this cycle is so important for their futures.
:D
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