I'm no boubt a work in progress with a 12 yr old.
the Idea of having an N-H, and an N-M, has made me so enpowered that the answers have been here and I now know what their problem is.
I
find myself with co-dependency traits that are a real problem too.
I pray my daughter will not become a statistic in all of the fall out from my life, It send shivers up my spine.
Bunny said
All you have to be is a "good enough" mother. That's all that's required for positive child-rearing. If you want to improve a bit, then be more real with them. Show them some of your true feelings, not through acting them out impulsively, but by telling them how you feel or showing some real emotions but without overreacting. Set limits, have good boundaries, don't let them walk all over you, be firm, and try to understand what they're feeling. They'll appreciate it.
I do believe showing them your true feelings can work wonders.
sometimes my daughter may want something and I can be very firm in why it is NO. I try and stick to that, it's a boundry I do for myself.
She doesn't wine about it, she believes this is my true feeling and as she gets older my saying NO has become NO, without alot of effort.
She knows I love her and maybe she would want to take advantage of my big heart, but most of the time I do give her understanding, but still say No if for no other reason then it's not good to give her everything.
This happened to us. When you have been abused as a child and don’t have any idea why your parents abused you, you try to do better with your own children. You want them to feel loved and special, all the things your parent never gave you. In the end they feel they are special, which you of course wanted them to feel, But you didn’t count on doing such a good job that they would feel that they were better than everyone else, especially you.
In my daily work I can't help but be a people pleaser, but you can turn this around too.
Making others believe that
not steping over your boundries will make life alot easier for everybody. This is something I have had to learn over time.
becasue of rules to be followed you can't let people run all over you.
I want others to feel special, I can't help myself sometimes.
I know sometimes I don't feel special because of the way I was brought up, so I want to believe making others feel loved, or special is important.
I can't change this, but you can be happy just the same by keeping your boundries. People will have more respect for you.
I still have a problem in some of these areas with my N-H, Im still new to the N behavior. I think if you can practice, tell yourself you have rules that affect others. Work on the Idea that better you than them, it will flow into all parts of your life.
I'm Making efforts to change my behaviors for my daughters sake as well as my own.
I can't take any guilt, only my new found strength will allow the change to happen in my life.
onlyrenting