can the N ever become aware?

[loretta]

married 33 yrs to a craver and finally things are getting real. when I saw the patience and false empathy with the children I was very hopeful but of course it never translated in to anything genuine between us. kids are gone and have chosen non-narcissists as partners, thank god.

I have cut off supply and my N is spinning, feels I'm mean, etc. All previous attempts at therapy went no where. However, kids gone, dad sick, N getting old, I have the emotional courage and $ to split. Do any breakthroughs happen at this critical mass time? Has ANYONE ever had a non-full-blown NPD get real?
thanks-love to hear any stories about long term marrieds and survival tools.
loretta

[Anonymous]

Hi loretta
do any breakthroughs happen at a critical mass time? It depends on if the other person sees it the same way. Your critical mass may be a slight glitch for them. Seriously. People, especially N-types, do not see the world as you do. They just seem to adapt to new circumstances, like a robot re-routing for a new power supply. It's totally impersonal. Sorry

[Anonymous]

Agree.  Ns are only aware of supply or lack of supply.  That's it.

[Anonymous]

Ns can make it appear that something critical is happening at this time... They might beg you to stay, promise to change, and then even change (for a little while).  It's crazymaking, because it's only to get the n-supply back. Once the security has returned, so will the N behavior, I fear.

[BlueBelle]

I think it depends on how much of an N they are.

My H is a N and just now after 20 years of hell, realizing he has problems that make him miserable to live with and he is making changes.  He has been consistant and things are slowly improving.  My N has some empathy for others and seems to have more the more he allows himself to feel it.

The problem I am having right now is that I am so angry about the past problems that I'm not enjoying these little changes.  I don't trust that it can actually get better enough, fast enough and long enough to help me recover any feelings of love I once had.