If sibs like Nmother, must they be N?

[cindinj]

I have an older brother and younger sister -- she is the only one who gets along with our Nmother and seems to have a compulsion to get along with her.  My husband believes it's to keep the gravy train rolling (my mother buys her everything and us nothing) but it seems like it must be more than that.  Now we're wondering if she's an N.  

What other reason would she have for staying so close to her?  Some sort of psychological intimidation?

Thoughts?

Cindi

[bunny]

Maybe...

The mother heavily identified with this child and their attachment is more powerful.

The sister is far less autonomous than her siblings.

The sister is enmeshed with her mother.


I don't know whether or not she's an N.

bunny

[Anonymous]

Cindinj,

Welcome to the board.
I'd need to know more about your situation to comment. Just off the bat, it's common for sibling rivalry to occur. I know in my family of six children there are siblings who compete for my mother's time and attention. I've also seen some pretty enmeshed and whacky behavior after my Dad died and his estate was being settled.

Best,

bludie

[mum]

Cindinj:  just wondering: will knowing this be helpful for you or your relationship with your sister in any way?  Or is it just interesting?  
I have many siblings, all who do life a little differently than I do.  It is entertaining to mull over why they do what, but talking about each other  seems to be devisive most of the time.  So I guess this is a safe place to do that if you need to, though....

[cindinj]

I guess I hope it would be helpful to understand WHY my sister has such a strong need to overlook my Nmother's horrible behavior.  I get very frustrated with her making excuses for our Nmother all the time.  She also makes comments about my therapist "taking my side" too much on things, which is frustrating.  My therapist simply understands the difficult dynamics of me having an Nmother and now a dead father.

Anyway... I feel like I can be honest with my sister about everything EXCEPT our mother, so I think I'd like to better understand her to see if it can help me on this level.  She also wants me to come with her to see her therapist to discuss our Nmother and I'm not sure that's a great idea.  If my sister is an N or isn't ready to see our Nmother as such, it may cause her to reject me.  Plus she is pregnant, due with her first child in 6 weeks.  May not be a great time to deal with it....

I am a middle child, my sister is the youngest.  My older brother easily sees our Nmother as such and barely struggles with keeping her at arms length, although he is sometimes the recipient of her nasty attacks anyway -- usually toward his awfully misbehaved children (according to our Nmother, of course).

Maybe more on this all soon.  I need to get back with my H and kids

Cindi