1 month ago I left my narcissistic boyfriend of 15 years. The last four years found him increasingly abusive-never getting better-always worse.
Although, for the majority of the relationship, I had been pulling the weight of the relationship in all ways, including financial...I became seriously ill 4 years ago which resulted in my being completely isolated and now dependant on him. He was controlling from the start-critisizing, demeaning, demanding, intolerant-refusing to allow me to make any decisions in the relationship. He grew financially stable and secure in his job during this time and this also seemed to make his behavior toward me decline as he no longer neede me financially. He started cheating and lying by the second year of my illness. He now always spoke to me in a raised voice of contempt and disgust....his hate grew and he raged often.
1 1/2 years ago he threw me out into the street...thus began the yo-yo cycle, i would return, be abused to the point where I'd be forced to leave, have to leave due to violence, have to leave to avoid violence and i moved out once..always to return-in total i've bounced in and out 7 times during this time frame. He would be reasonable and quite pleasant for the first 3 days to a week but didn't seem to be able to sustain the nice guy mask for much longer than that. I kept hoping, he would change back to the man I fell in love with, trying everything I could to either avoid upsetting him, or to go out of my way to please him-nothing helped...he was either indifferent, or hateful. On february 18th I drove to the store and never went back. I called him on my way and asked that he get help-he told me it was not likely and I kept going.
I did not want to do this. I wanted to work things out-I am devastated.
I did not speak to him, return his phone calls or communicate with him in anyway until 2 nights ago. I asked him again if he would get help, stating that I would go with him. I told him I loved him and did not want to have left like that, but I could no longer tolerate the pain of it, and the fact that nothing was changing and it didn't seem that it would unless we got help. I told him I wanted to come home and get help with him.
I was informed that I had abandoned him for the last time. He wanted to forget me and move on with his life. He told me he couldn't trust me. We talked awhile longer and then I was told he would call me in 2 weeks.
Is there any hope at all once things have gotten to this point and abuse has gone on for so long? I invested so much time into this relationship-and he holds it in such contempt. I am barel tolerated, aside from the brief honeymoon phase. I can't put into words the pain and destruction this man has caused and yet i am blamed for all of it and he really does not seem to be able to grasp what he is doing.
Thanks for listening,
Christine
