Dear Forward bound and Everyone,
I too can identify with so much of what you say. Altho these exes of ours perceive themselves as doing so much 'work' in the relationship,the reality is that we were the ones who were running around, obsessed with making things comfortable for them, and (if you were like me) doing anything to avoid being subject to their disapproval or rejection.
Forwardbound, you wrote about how your perception was distorted, and again I think you've hit the nail right on the head.I can't believe how I thought that ANYTHING my ex did was just fine;it wasn't even a case of finding excuses for his behaviour...as in my eyes,nothing he did could be wrong, there was nothing to excuse.
I like Guest from Afar's suggestion of gently testing out new friends by seeing if they will agree to your choice of restaurant, for example.(Altho on the other hand,when I first met him I think my ex would have gone along with any suggestion I made. It was later when I started to stand up for myself,and my sanity, that I met with coldness and indifference from him;especially if my requests were inconvenient because he was wooing his new girlfriend,while telling me that he was not interested in her.)
Forward bound, you are making progress.It hurts I know;we have to remember that to get over it we have to go through it.
Stay strong,
Sincerely,
Lara.