OK: i am going to try to make this as compressed as i possibly can. its sooooooo confusing to me, but im going to try. for years i felt i had a 'lock on my voice' thats what i called it to myself. then i got to the internet and found my voice. then they took my kid, and my voice was gone again. i hope that being here i can repair it, it feels realy shattered and confused right now.
this is how they got my kid. im not really expecting anything in terms of specific help.... its a long confusing complicated ugly story but i just want to talk about it, beucase ive been holding it in for all this time, i cant talk about it. noone will just let me talk about it.
i had nothing to do with my family since running away @ 16. they put me in a mental hospital but as soon as i got out i ran away again. it was the only way to be healthy. they wanted to control me and make me pay attnetion to them and give them 'n. supply' and i would never do it. until i was over 30 they didnt even know where i lived or anything. there was no contact.
the whole reason they went after my kid, is to force me to pay attention to them and create drama as well as paint themselves as 'the good guy' and pigeonhole me as 'a failure'. additionally my daughter is beatiful, and they take credit for her. they lied to everyone and said they took her becuase she was having all these problems, but if she was actually having problems, they wouldnt want her.. they want her as a 'trophy', god knows he screwed up his own kids bad enough... he thinks it will redeem him to be seen with this beautiful girl, like somehow it was his doing. hes such a three year old!>
they hatched a plan to take her when i was having health problems from a car injury. it was a serious head injury & i had a lot of neurological stuff - nausea, fatigue etc. i hadnt even told them i had a child, but some other relative let them know, and they started worming into our life.
they put on the act and started buttering us up and telling me i was stuck in the past and being selfish to deny their grandchild and a lot of cr*p. they can act so slick, and lie in wait for years, and thats what they did... they hid the drinking, and just acted like they changed, until they gained our trust.....
i was vulnerable, and they were doctors, and they offfered to help me while i got some intensive therapy that i really needed... i still cant believe i ever did it... they played on my wish to see my daughter have the best, do the right thing, have a family again.. they lied, and fooled me. i still literally have recurrent nightmares about being the one that betrayed my own daughter to them. i still cant believe i did it. thats what good manipulators they are.
so i let her visit them TEMPORARILY while i went through therapy for the head injury. at first it was all great... she was in a private school, and getting all this great food and having a great time.... the 'buttering up' stage.... but then, i was finished with the therapy. all the doctors said so, i was ready to take her back.
then everything changed. they realised, they didnt want to give up what they had. they had me right where they wanted me, if they gave my daughter back, they would have no leverage anymore.
suddenly everything changed. when she had first went there, they tested her at their own hospital and told us all she "didnt even have an iron deficiency". every week they told me she was 'healthy as a horse' (direct quote from two doctors) doing great in school, on and on. this was no surprise, she had always been like that.
then i let them know i was done with the therapy, and would be there for christmas, and was expecting to have a family meeting and discuss our next step.
i was packing to go there for christmas, literally packing presents for these people.... and a knock on the door. legal papers! not only was there no warning, i realized looking at the dates they had talked to me -twice- on the phone since filing them, never mentioning it.... just 'what do you want for christmas' and 'everythings fine'. 100% back stab.
these papers told me (after a year of working my =ass= off to complete difficult therapy and do the right thing for my daughter) that i was: "dangerous", "deficient", "mentally ill", a "flight risk", (huh?) that i neglected her schooling and medical care, that I starved her on purpose and she had "malnutrition".. (but when she went there, not even an iron deficiency = HUH????) they made me sound like a freaking crack-whore.
the papers also said that the hearing was at 8 am the next morning, 1000 miles away. they had told the lawyer i was "so dangerous" that they needed an 'emergency jurisdiction change' so that i couldnt be at the hearing to defend myself. they had the hearing without me, rubberstamped everything my father wanted.
i asked them repeatedly to talk about it, told them it was a misunderstanding, suggested mediation, they told me, "there is nothing to talk about". they are taking my daughter with lies and force against my will and there is "nothing to talk about". now, thats an N comment.
since i couldnt afford a lawyer, i *myself* got all her school records, medical records, statements from her teachers, doctors, everybody..... but, it just didnt matter. fought them for two years, it was a total nightmare, they jsut kep changing judges until finally they actually got a judge they had personal connections to.
they didnt expect me to fight at all, when i told them i wouldnt let them get away with it, they actually laughed and said "noone will believe you; youre mentally ill." i think thats what they really thought. of course, the more i fought them, they put the consequences on my daughter.. they punished her, for my 'disobedience'.... trying to put pressure on me....
they treat her like dirt now that they think i cant do anything, and have an endless source of 'n supply' becuase they can yank my chain anytime they feel like it, by abusing her, or just getting in between us so im forced to 'pay attention' to them, to get to her. its realy pathetic, i just think it is beyond pathetic thats what they have to do to get attention.
its such a long, painful, confusing story, and im so furiously angry becuase of how extremely disrespectfully they did it, and also the fact that they told me right away that i had absolutley no reason to be angry, actually tried to label me with an 'anger problem' which is hilarious if it werent so sick.. so i had to repress a lot of it, and its realy twisted everything up inside a lot. im used to expressing myself and being open and healthy with my emotions. being so furious, and being forced to rrepress it, is playing havoc with me.
thats some of the details of whats been happening. im jsut happy for a chance to get it out.....
im not really expecting anything, but its just really a relief to be able to talk about it at all. i just really need to be able to talk openly and express all this.... theres so much frustration and anger in there.... and confusion and awful things.
im just so thankful to express myself, for ONCE.
thats all im hoping for right now. realy appreciate it.
d's mom
