Most ridiculous examples of being offended

[Anonymous]

Hey GFN,

Thanks Mudpuppy. Now....if I only had another foot I could jam it in too!!!
 

I thought mum named her kid October Sky while on acid because I didn't read her post closely enough, so don't worry about foot in mouth disease. Apparently its contagious.

mud

[d'smom]

it seems dumb to add  this when theres a lot of other stuff i wanted to talk about, but my computer was spazzing out so im just going to pick up here. i cant resist becuase my family gets offended over NOTHING....... i mean really nothing..... i was once sent to my room, becuase i called my mom 'mother' instead of 'mom'!!!!

my father used to spend dinner times torturing us by saying - 'whats that look?' 'why are you looking at me like that?" (meanwhile we are staring at our plate desperately hoping to avoid attention) 'wipe that look off your face' then the inevitable - 'go to your room'. i really think he was verging on psychotic. he was positive everyone was 'looking at him wrong'.

our family was in the concentration camps. my great grandfather had numbers tattoed on his arm, many of my relatives died there. so, maybe they have an excuse for emotional problems.... but i know also that my grandfather, had a disagreement with his brother over hhow to care for their sister, who was autistic and needed special care..... they subsequently worked together side by side in the -same office- for *fifty* years - and =never spoke to each other= again over that disagreement.....

then my father, went on to disown his own -mother-, when she disagreed with him, after he disowned myself and my brother! she thought he shouldnt have disowned us, so he disowned her.  

yeesh. @@!!!!

[Brigid]

October,
Since Mudpuppy responded on this thread regarding your beautiful poem, I thought I would too.  Such a gift you have.  Thank you for sharing it with us.

To the rest of y'all,
As I read the many sad stories on this site of abuse, neglect, hurt, pain, so much pain that life is no longer worth living, the destruction of families, the destroying of children, I go back to my original point with starting this thread.  I can only assume that people who go around looking for these ridiculous reasons to be offended (and I am in no way saying that there are not many very offensive things going on in the world) have not suffered a great loss, or hurt in their life.  Because if they had, they would realize how unimportant those ridiculous offenses are.  There is so much more to concern yourself with than making sure to use the correct term (of the day) for a disability, or a particular race or creed, or if a Nativity scene is displayed or "In God we Trust" is displayed in a public domain, or whether you child is subjected to, but not forced to participate in the saying of the Pledge of Allegiance; and on and on it goes.  I am in no way saying that anyone has the right to be intentionally disrespectful to another's beliefs, but I don't think we have a right to go around looking for ways to be offended by differing opinions.  

"Not Sweating the Small Stuff" has taken on a whole new meaning for me since my husband left me 18 months ago, and I subsequently found out all the things about him and our marriage that I didn't know were going on.  I guess that is one of the many wonderful things that has come out of this tragedy.

Brigid

[Anonymous]

, so don't worry about foot in mouth disease

No worries Mud.  I know I have it.  I accept that.  I make room for it (by eating tons of chocolate so my teeth will fall out....thus more room for my feet).  There is no cure (other than a brain transplant...which I am waiting for them to perfect...so that I can get mine!!)     I'm patient, so that's a good thing.

Brigid:  You....are also one of the wonderful things in this world!!  Thankyou for remind me about the stupid small stuff.

Have a great week end all!!

GFN

[Anonymous]

Is being easily-offended an N trait?  I ask because I have a friend whom I just can't hang out with anymore because she gets angry and offended so easily.  I'll be talking about something-or-other and she'll get stony silent and I can tell she's mad but I have no idea why.  Sometimes it will come out later and sometimes not.  Usually she is just testy for the rest of the conversation to such an extent that I can't even really think of anything besides her mood and why it is there. She gets upset if I don't guess that she is really in a bad mood even though she said she's happy. She gets upset if my interpretation of a mutual friend's behavior (toward me, when she wasn't there!) is different from her interpretation.  She gets really angry if I talk about something that she feels jealous of or wishes she had or feels insecure about-- and almost everything triggers one of those.  And she often wants to steer the conversation in a direction where she "corrects" me or tells me something critical about myself.

I never thought of her as N but I am realizing, now that the scales have fallen from my eyes (so to speak) that I have surrounded myself with people with these tendencies, especially in their relationships with me, my whole life.  

She is very insecure-- is it possible to be outwardly insecure and also N? In some ways she wears this insecurity like armor-- we are all supposed to abide by it at all times, making sure not to push any buttons.   And somehow it just feels impossible not to push one, as if she lays it under my feet when I'm not looking.  I think she wants to be angry at me.

I don't know why I care whether she is N or not, but somehow I want to understand-- I think it will help me really see things and to avoid this situation in the future.

Anyone have a similar experience?  Thoughts?

[vunil]

sorry, that last one was me.  It's late...

[Stormchild Guesting]

Vunil, this sounds more like borderline personality disorder than NPD... just my immediate impression of course, but you might want to check into it. Borderlines are extremely insecure and unstable, all the time.
They also really seem to enjoy double standards - as in, 'you have to explain everything to me, but I expect you to read my mind.'

Good book on the subject: "I Hate You - Don't Leave Me" and I'm doing a total blank on the author. Foo. Maybe it's on Dr. Grossman's list.

[Anonymous]

vunil

I agree with Storm.  Your friend sounds like a Borderline.  Many moons ago (fresh out of college) I had a few borderlines on my caseload and they could be the most annoying people to deal with....to the point that you wanted to avoid them but couldn't b/c that wouldn't be professional or the right thing to do.   I can remember joking with my co workers, "Give me a Manic Depressive or Paranoid Schizo anyday".  Our supervisor would even try and keep our caseloads balanced by not overwhelming any one caseworker with too many Borderlines.

I can't even imagine maintaining a friendship with a Borderline.  Good luck.  God bless you for trying.

Mia

[vunil]

Thanks, guys, that's really helpful.  And it  has my head spinning a bit.  My mom and my sister, when I was growing up, were the flamboyent kind of borderline, throwing things, spontaneous outbursts of nutty anger, etc.  They have both calmed down a lot but talking to them is still an adventure filled with minefields-- they either stop talking completely (including normal conversational uh-huhs and ummms) or snap at me in a way that is impossible to see coming.  It's clear they are furious.  It is never clear why.  Then they aren't any more.  Then they are.  It's crazy-making.  I thought it was N desire to control me, and I think it is in part that. But now I'm realizing it could be that insecure borderline stuff. It seems anything can offend them and make them mad-- anything!  Even compliments.  

I have a friend who is textbook histrionic, with borderline tendencies, and she is so flamboyent.  I guess I wasn't thinking that it was possible to be borderline and more quiet about it.  I will say that when I decided to severely  reduce my time with the histrionic friend, my other friend was furious with me, telling me that "we all have problems!  why are you so judgmental?"  So maybe there is a kinship there with them...  And I will confess that I did call my histrionic friend "crazy" (not to her, to the other friend), but if you have ever known a histrionic/borderline person then you will agree that that word does sometimes apply !!  It was cathartic for me to say it.

How do I end up with friends with personality disorders?  (I know the answer-- because of what I was taught.  But it's still so shocking to realize it).  I feel really badly for her to realize this about her-- she is, in spite of this stuff, a great, intelligent, funny person.  The urge to rescue is so strong.... must resist urge....  

Some days I feel like I have such a huge mess to sort through from my childhood that I'll never get through it.  Argh.

[bunny]

Hi vunil,

I'm with everyone else. She sounds borderline. However, borderline and narcissism coexist all the time. I don't know whether your friend has a personality disorder, she may just an incredibly immature, bratty person. I think mild borderlines can be good friends.  Some of my best friends are borderlines   .  But I have baseline standards for friendships. One is that they can't be judgmental, critical and disapproving. I sure don't need that crap. Another is that they can't make me walk on eggshells. I'm not into that either. If anyone does that to me, they see a lot less of me, and possibly won't see me at all.

And yes there are quiet borderlines.

bunny

[bunny]

I will say that when I decided to severely  reduce my time with the histrionic friend, my other friend was furious with me, telling me that "we all have problems!  why are you so judgmental?

Some possible replies:


"Yeah I am kind of judgmental. So sue me."

"Watch out, you could be next."

"Yes we all have problems and I've decided to reduce my workload by one."

"I'm judgmental because I'm fed up."

"Yeah, whatever. Have a nice day."

bunny

[vunil as guest]

Well it *was* nutty of me to want to choose my own friends!

Boy when I look back at my life I think I should have been a million percent MORE judgmental, at least in the sense of being discerning about who I was hanging out with.  Bunny, when I read your "no way" list of boundaries I realize that I have had a lot of friends that violated everything on the list, including this friend.  Luckily, I have normal friends too...
 

Now I have to go find a borderline listserv...  I'm realizing that both borderline and N behavior shaped my super-terrific childhood and beyond.  

Truth is, I acted pretty borderline myself throughout my 20's.  It's contagious.  (insert severely embarrassed cringe face here at memory).

I am betting a lot of borderlines had N parents. It just fits too perfectly.