Many of the traits listed in walking on eggshells of BPD my NSpouse exhibits. Could anyone shed some light on this for me? Thank-you.
They are extremely similar. Here are some general guidelines I use:
Someone with dominant N traits is more likely to be confident, independent, their own neediness is hidden or rejected, overtly aggressive, overtly selfish, particular about who they like/dislike, more aware of what they want and don't want, looking for supplies that feed their grandiosity. Far more fearful of being deflated and narcissistically injured.
Someone with dominant B traits is more likely to be dependent, less emotionally stable, unable to be alone, will go from person to person looking for supplies, not very picky about who they choose, more overtly child-like, more overtly anxious, tends to be unreliable, to idealize someone, get disappointed and devalue them. Far more fearful of abandonment.
HOW I DEAL WITH THEM DIFFERENTLY: With a dominantly narcissistic person, I avoid deflating them. I give them a lot of understanding and ignore a lot of their blustering. With this method many Ns are actually fairly nice to me.
With a dominantly borderline person (much more difficult), I actually try to stay away from them altogether. If that isn't possible, I am very firm, confident, do not show any confusion or wavering, and let them believe I am a "scary" person. I find that setting limits is the most important thing, otherwise they walk all over me and I hate myself for letting it happen.
bunny