Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Good Description of the Problem
October:
Hi, just as a matter of interest, I thought it would be worth comparing arriving at a healthy place to visit.
You knock at the door, and you have the wrong clothes, all like before. Your host opens the door, and says, 'Great!! I'm so glad you could make it!!! Come in, come in!!'
You notice the tux and start to apologise, and he says, 'do you think it matters what you wear? It is just so good to see you; how are things with you?? Come and meet the gang; I've told them all about you. Hey everyone, he's here!!'
Discounted Girl:
That was great October, even if it is November :P Thanks for your post.
I_am_mine:
Simon, your description was just perfect! I'm wondering if you'd mind if I printed it and took it to my therapist to show her?
One of (the many) things we're working on is my "relationship" with my Ndad (which has gotten unbelievably hideous since my mom's death in July and Ndad's diagnosis of Alzheimer's disease recently).
My therapist has a pretty good handle on N-ism - but your description really hit home for me, and I think it might make her see things a bit more like I do. Plus - part of the aftermath of all these "fake" parties, at least for me (and I'm sure for others) is: after so much guessing, and not measuring up, I've just discovered that I don't know how to judge ANY party invitations!
Either I don't trust them at all, thinking they're going to be like my Ndad's, (probably missed out on a few good parties because of that), or I trust too easily, and show up with bells on thinking I'll be accepted - when of course, it's an N-party!
Let me know if it's ok with you to show your writing, I don't want to take your words without your permission, and would understand if you don't want me to use them.
Thanks so much for explaining things in such a thoughtful, insightful way.
bobbie
Simon46:
Hi I Am Mine and all:
Please feel free to take this to your therapist. I did not write this illustration or the subsequent commentary. I found it on an MSN Narcissist Support website and thought it was so good I wanted to share it with this group. I think Bryn Collins the author of the book "Emotional Unavailability" is the author.
I_am_mine:
Thanks! I just assumed you wrote it, because I've been going back and reading so many posts, and yours are among the ones that are very well-written.
So - sorry for the mistaken identity, but having read your posts, I believe you could have written this! Anyway, I do think it will help my therapist better understand how an N's behavior makes the recipient feel. I know she understands the concept of N well, but this is just a bit more personal, from the POV of someone on the receiving end.
A bit like walking into quicksand, but not knowing it til your feet get stuck... :roll:
bobbie
ps: sounds like a good recommendation for a book I should read - thanks! :)
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