Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
acapella and the other n-partners
Anonymous:
'Nofights' here
Bunny - just want to clarify - I was not recommending moving on 'without explanation'; on the contrary to me the explanation is the most crucial part. That's what means I have a voice. That lets the other interested parties judge for themselves whether my position is valid, etc. But I will no longer indulge the emotional pull to argue with the person who has so badly violated my boundaries, after I have delivered my explanation. I think we only hurt our own case when we do so, and provide the 'offender' with more fodder to distract from the original issue.
Some posters have criticized you for not having 'explained' your departure. For that reason, I wish you had provided an explanation. I didn't need one, because I knew what was coming as soon as I saw some of sand's replies to your earlier posts, but for the benefit of those who may not have seen Sand in action before like us veterans have, I wish you had provided an explanation so that people could judge for themselves. Of course it would have been deleted, but so was the one that had no explanation, and the progression would have been no different from what has actually happened. Some of us would have been able to read it prior to deletion, and some of us would have put up a new post questioning the events, etc. It always happens the same way.
The only time I do not advocate providing an explanation is when to do so would threaten one's safety. With N's, I know there are times when that is a factor. But other than that, I think the explanation is the key.
hope2003:
no fights, it is nice to hear the voice of reason.
My sense is that if Herm had posted the reason, her thread would have been deleted that much sooner, and even less members, perhaps nobody would have seen the goodbye. The thread was started during the day, and was deleted during the day. that is why so few members saw it to begin with. Obviously, I read the thread, and saw how quickly it was deleted. So, I caught the whole thing.
Sand has so much control, that she can really controlt he way that information is distributed to the members.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Acappella:
We only are only ever fully "matured" at the moment just before we die, or actually the very moment we die. Until then we are always less mature than we will be. I don't find it insulting to be told that I am alive and growing and have a ways to go. I am immuature? Excellent, perhaps it is time to invest in an IRA.
If Herm or anyone else posts or posted about noticing their own ineffective actions and feelings (sandahl, care to dare? or dare to care?)that only increases my respect and trust for her/them. If she does that AND also expresses what she is proud of and what she feels her strengths are well she has one area of life balanced beautifully! And balance is really just a constant state of teetering between edges anyway isn't it? It is the teetering that keeps us alert. Teetering. Is anyone else finding that one hell of a cute word?
It takes a sort of courage and strength to see what we aren't content with in ourselves and face the reality that none of us are perfect. That is part of the reason for connecting with one another in the first place.
Even if this issue of groups breaking up and reforming is reminisant of high school, so what? I have no shame for feeling out who I feel safe with and who I do not and learning to pay attention to my behavior and feelings and those of others. Until the whole world is able to live in peace and health together perhaps we should all go back to kintergarden and stay there. Juice, cookies and nap time anyone?
Teetering Echo/Acappella.
Anonymous:
'Nofights' here
Echo - absolutely agree on that - herm's post about her own traits (however she described them, it's been a while since I read the post), elicited more respect from me, not less
(and by the way proves to that that she does NOT have NPD)
GuestPeach:
>(and by the way proves to that that she does NOT have NPD)
Not at all. I don't want to talk about the Herm person or whatever issue that has been going on here (I think you should all move on, like someone else said). I am only addressing the point of awareness and admittance of NDP that you are eluding to, and the conclusions you've drawn from that as "proof".
Two words for you: SAM VAKNIN
And he is one of *THE* most malignant N's on the face of the earth.
Also remember that N's are masters at EMULATING things like empathy and compassion.
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