Hi everyone:
Re: My father:
What effect has he had on your life?I've been thinking about this question for awhile now and trying to think of how to answer.
My father was violent sometimes. As a result, I don't like violence of any type. Don't even watch violent movies. I'm a non-violent person, for the most part.
He was a bully and I really didn't like that so I learned to defend myself physically and keep a big dog around, just in case. That bit of paranoia is one of the worst things he left me with...even though I try my best to brave, much of the time. In the long run, it's a good thing to know how to protect oneself. It builds confidence and discipline. And dogs are wonderful companions. So I think there is some good in that paranoia.
He was rude and mean/cruel sometimes too. I think I am basically polite and try not to hurt others. I didn't like his rude/meaness and I am fairly kind to others.
He was jealous and possessive and I really think I'm not jealous or possessive because I disliked his jealousy and possessiveness so much.
He was greedy, conniving, and a sneaky crook. I'm upfront and fairly generous. I will often expose my intentions/plans/goals and I don't steal from anyone. I don't sneak behind people's backs or try to trick them.
He was a liar and I am basically honest. I don't like lies and I didn't like his lies. His lies were profuse and incredible. I try hard not to lie because I despised his lying so much.
He had a pretty good sense of humour. I liked this and I think I developed my own because it was something good/enjoyable about him.
He was often kind and generous to strangers. I found this odd but good so maybe I do it some too because of that modelling.
He was a hard worker and I admired this. I work hard and see nothing wrong with hard work. My work attitude/ethic has always been a benefit.
This list could go on for a long time.
I think my father helped to make me what I am. By his nasty qualities/example setting, I learned what I don't like and what not to do. I was disgusted and ashamed of his behaviour to the point that I chose to act totally opposite, as often as possible, maybe even over compensating sometimes. That doesn't bother me much because I'd rather be overly nice/kind/generous any day than do things his way. But I'm not able to always be as good as all that. I think I try hard and I think my father was the exception, rather than the rule. That has been my experience.
The good I saw in him gave me something to feel happy about sometimes/connected/caring about my father...even though he was not very nice to our family sometimes. Maybe I pay attention to people's good qualities more because I had to look so hard to find his? It's not a bad thing, I think. I am always looking for the good (but he taught me what bad really is and so I can easily recognize that too).
He definately effected me in many ways which in turn effected my life. Ofcourse, some of me is just the way I am, my own makeup/personality/tendancies etc. Nevertheless, I think I still grieve the losses I feel left with..never having had a loving father, one who I looked up to, one I felt safe with etc. So there is a certain amount of saddness I feel because of what he wasn't/didn't do/didn't provide. But it is fleeting because overall I'm a happy person, regardless of him, in spite of him, maybe?
I would never have been inclined, nor able to put much of that into words, without thinking about your question and really trying. So thankyou for this thread.
GFN
