To everyone who wrote back to my message - thank you so much. It is such a comfort that there are people out there with the same situation. Not everyone in the world has a Ward and June Cleaver family.
So many things that you said had common threads to my life, growing up with a Nparent.
Actually, my Dad was an alcoholic (non the violent kind) and was also a double amputee due to diabetes. He died of a massive heart attack - something my mother worked on incessantly. He used to cry and wonder how much longer he could take her vitriol. She ended his life due to the stress she put him under.
Am doing better now that it's been a few days - thankfully the next holiday isn't until November.
I found this quote to keep reminding myself that my married is life wonderful and that she will never change (and for me not to keep hoping she will).
"Narcissitic love has room for only one person - the narcissist - a painful truth that takes years for a child of a narcissist to understand."