and the n gets off scot-free...

[Anonymous]

Hello Write:

Also, each time....you are learning.  Maybe this is a time when you can really concentrate on learning, learning, learning re: the N system and it's warning signs....ways to avoid involvement with N's, how to speak up for yourself, etc...

Did you now about Nism before you got involved in your last relationship?

It seems unnecessary to know about Nism when one has been abused.  Those memories alone ought to be enough to warn us, send "keep away" signals, strike nerves...etc and maybe sometimes they do.

If that is not happening for you and you are finding yourself attracted to N-types.....I think you are very wise to remain out of any relationships for awhile, until you can figger out what the heck to do about the signal department.  

I've heard it takes women longer than men to heal from broken romantic relationships (I have no idea if that is true or not).  It makes a little sense to me because females are taught, at the very least by the media, to express emotions and be emotional (while males are taught that it's not macho to show emotion or be emotional)....so it seems possible that women do need more time to get it ...alll out.....where men may not bother as much, for as long???

At any rate, I'm glad you're feeling better and still posting here.  Big hug to you Write (((((((((Write))))))), just because.

GFN

[write]

I talked with my therapist and we agree- it's going back years to my difficult relationships in childhood, I tune out the warning signals too easily. I am very used to living around difficult people.
And this is the 3rd npd person I've been involved with, I am always attracted to very intelligent people.

You're right- I need to keep out of a relationship until I am stronger; this last one hasn't done as much damage, but it did trigger up a flare up of my illness.

Take care.

[Anonymous]

Hey Write:

Credit where credit is due:

And it does reconfirm my belief- it's better to be alone any night, than in a bad relationship.

You thought up the idea of staying out of relationships for awhile.  Good for you!

it's going back years to my difficult relationships in childhood, I tune out the warning signals too easily. I am very used to living around difficult people.

One of those unconscious files, containing information that is useless.  "Tune out warning signals.  They mean nothing."  and "Living around difficult people is normal.  You're used to it".

Maybe these files need to be burnt/shredded/stored in the basement or some other equally cold, dark, damp place...where they will mold and turn to dust?

What does your T say?  Does he/she suggest ways to make new files?  Skills to overcome these "usual" but not so helpful ways?

I'm glad the last relationship doesn't feel so damaging to you.  You deserve the credit you are giving yourself for not letting it go on so long.   You've learned something Write.  And you will continue to improve on that, I bet.

It seems you want to badly and that's detrimental to achieving that goal!  Go for it!  You are capable!

GFN