Verbal abuse by N's

[zeene]

How's this coming from N mother to 9 year old daughter for no apparent reason, just for standing there:


"I'll slit you from ear to ear you little b****"  she says, holding up a pair of scissors to my face.


Anyone like this for a mother?  You can bloody-well have her.

I've had a gut full of these ..... memories....about a so-called mother.

[d'smom]

zeene, im soooo sorry you have those kind of memories..... hopefully talking them out, will help. she sounds horrible and i can see why its painful to think about.

that was disturbing to read and i might sugest putting a 'WARNING' in the title - so people will be prepared to see stuff like that.

i dont know if it will help you to think your not alone.... i know you know your not. my father showed me how to cut my wrists around the same age. so if i wanted to commit suicide he said, i could 'do it properly'. always the perfectionist.....

sorry about your horrible mom.

[genuine]

Zeene I can relate to your pain. My so called mother was similar in her abuse. Not only did she hit me numerous times to the point I thought one of us would kill the other but curse me out with "may fire come down and burn you" They are not mothers, they should never have been allowed to have children. How are you coping now? do you still converse with her?

genuine

[Anonymous]

zeene

That is so horrible.  How could someone say that to another human being let alone their own flesh and blood......a small innocent child.  

It's a shame she wasn't committed for threatening to harm you.  Sorry you weren't protected from this wickedness.

God bless you
Mia

[Anonymous]

i might sugest putting a 'WARNING' in the title - so people will be prepared to see stuff like that.

Zeene, this is a very good suggestion. But, based on my observations, you should still prepare yourself for negative responses sometimes, even if you do put up a "WARNING" at the beginning of your post.

Everybody here has been hurt in some way, or we wouldn't be here, and unfortunately 'hurting people hurt people' sometimes. If you expect that it might happen, you'll be less devastated if it does.

Have you talked to a therapist about these things? A good therapist, one who will tell you what they really think - doesn't play games with their knowledge - who is on your side and makes sure that you know it?

This kind of thing is serious enough that you would really benefit from taking it to a professional as well as seeking support and validation here.

Sorry you had to endure this evil from someone who was supposed to love and nurture and protect you. Your mother was toxic... but her poison can be neutralized. Don't lose hope.

[zeene]

d'smom

Yours is so disturbing to me...sounds far worse than what I've endured.  That's terrible!~   Now I know for sure I'm not alone....NOW!


genuine

"they should never have been allowed to have children"

Do you know how many times I've thought the same thing.  They ought to be made to sit a test first before they're allowed to conceive...esp these evil ones.  All they want is the sex without the responsibility of children.  She used to say "I never wanted to have kids...then you came along."

I grew up wishing to be adopted out.  It did happen...with relatives...but only for a year as he was sexually molesting me.  This is her favourite relative....even after I told her (when I was an adult) she kept up his company.

I don't have any contact with her now that's for sure.   I had a nervous breakdown when I started to remember the sex abuse...and more "nice" language from N...which is so disgusting I can't bring myself to repeat it.
I buried it all....and then it came out when I broke down.  I ended up in hospital.  That is the rage...all buried inside...then it came out in an odd way.

Mia

Thank you for all your kind words.   That wasn't all she did though.

Guest

I haven't got a therapist...but I've rang Lifeline many a time...when I get the bad memories.  They help a little with some kind of advice.  They've suggested a counsellor several times.  I think I'll go...can't handle it all.

Thanks for your encouragement towards getting hope.


I know I haven't been able to deal with the bad memories yet.

I Will find hope...somehow.


Love to you all

Zeene

[Jaded911]

Zeene,

I hope you didn't feel any guilt by posting this.  I can understand what D is saying but when I read it I thought to myself that I hoped you didn't feel ashamed or embarrased by your mothers actions.  Posting a warning in the title might detour some from reading the post but it also might turn out to be a forbidden fruit deal.  

I also wanted to ask you something.  Did you think your family was how every family was?  Also, when you realized that this was abnormal, when and how did you come to that conclusion?

I often feel resentment towards the woman who was suppose to be my mother.  I resent the hell out of her for robbing her three children of precious moments of their childhoods.  I don't believe my mom or dad were N.  They were dysfunctional as all get out but N, nah.  But you know what I decided?  It doesnt really matter what the hell they are.  The one thing they should have been were parents who nurtured, loved, guided and respected the kids they brought into this world.  As a parent that was their obligation.  They chose it, not us three kids.

My dad said something to me within the last couple of years that literally sent chills down my spine.  We were talking about my sister and how hateful she can be.  He asked me if she talks about our childhood.  I said "dad, you will have to ask C about that.  I don't feel it is my place to voice her feelings."  He turned to look me straight in the eye and he then said, "G**Damn ungrateful kids.  Mindy did you not ever stop to think that if your mother and I would have had different F****G kids that maybe we would have been different parents?"

HMMM, now anybody in their right mind can read that and know that we could have been perfect angels and their crappy dysfunctional parenting still would have been our fault.....tisk tisk.

[zeene]

Zeene,

 

I also wanted to ask you something.  Did you think your family was how every family was?  Also, when you realized that this was abnormal, when and how did you come to that conclusion?

When I was growing up I'd visit other children in our street.  I saw that other mothers treated their children with love and gave them things too.  I knew that my mother was different to other mothers.  We never were allowed to have visitors inside the house or my mother would take a "turn".  I knew that something was missing.  It was love.

I was very ashamed of my family growing up...not my sisters...just my parent.  I knew that they hurt me.  I tried to push it out of my mind that they were different to other parents and I left home as soon as I could.

The ways I was treated I never forgot it.  It was a very slow gradual awakening that I had suffered abuse.

It wasn't till many years later that my sister's best friend who had done her Masters in Criminal Psychology diagnosed my mother with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  Then I began a search for knowledge about the subject and only started to share here soon after.  My mother is a classic N but with psychological, physical and emotion deprivations thrown in.

Hope that answers your question.

Bye

Zeene

[Portia]

Zeene

I was very ashamed of my family growing up

I think I was ashamed too, but I hadn’t realised it until I read your post. Thank you!

I hope you do get counselling Zeene. You seem adept at coping alone and you don’t have to do that any more. Please let others help you. Will you do that? And keep posting if you want to.

Jaded

did you not ever stop to think that if your mother and I would have had different F****G kids that maybe we would have been different parents?"

Acknowledging this Jaded. And retrieving my jaw from off the floor. Really shocking stuff, hope you got your breath back.

[mum]

Zeene: ditto what others have suggested.  Get into therapy.  It sounds scary, to look hard at what has tripped you up in life....but it is light years beyond better than living with such horrible history and not ever getting it resolved in your heart and mind.
Bless you...for you don't sound bitter or hard, and I suspect most people would be with what you have endured.
This softening, and recognizing it, accepting that you have been and are in pain is the ideal place to begin to heal.  Best of fortune to you in that endeavor.  You will get the help. You sound ready.

[longtire]

Zeene, I put in another vote about seeing a therapist or counsellor.  They can really help you.  Not the "help" that comes from N's, but help as in what YOU really need.  I say take anything that makes dealing with all of this easier on you.    (((((((((((Zeene)))))))))))

My dad said something to me within the last couple of years that literally sent chills down my spine.  We were talking about my sister and how hateful she can be.  He asked me if she talks about our childhood.  I said "dad, you will have to ask C about that.  I don't feel it is my place to voice her feelings."  He turned to look me straight in the eye and he then said, "G**Damn ungrateful kids.  Mindy did you not ever stop to think that if your mother and I would have had different F****G kids that maybe we would have been different parents?"

When I read things like this, I wish I could hook these people up to a machine that would show them truth and reality and just leave them hooked up for a couple of months.

[Grammy]

I found this while reading, it may help:

"A child, after all, is the ultimate Source of Narcissistic Supply. It is unconditionally adoring, worshipping and submissive. But it is also a demanding thing and it tends to divert attention from the narcissist. A child takes too much of everything that the adults around him have to offer: time, energy, emotions, resources, attention. The narcissistic can easily be converted to the view that a child is a menace, a nuisance, utterly unnecessary."

And in many cases the mother is the primary caregiver, and most likely to be the abuser.