Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Hope, are you out there?
guest:
It's me, Engel. I just wanted to check in with you to see how you're feeling. The divorce stuff you described sounds awful. I am worried that with all of the ugliness around what happened this week, you may not be getting the support you need to get you through the trauma ahead. But you can do this and ultimately come out the winner, I know you can! Despite what your N tries to do to you.
I read yet another book about children of N's (Trapped in the Mirror) that suggests that it may take a long time for the children to see that the consistent love and provision of daily needs by the non-N parent is worth far more than the sporadic adoration and flashy gifts of the N parent, but eventually the children always figure it out.
I don't plan to actively participate in this forum (or at this point, any forum) but did want to let you know that I (and others) care how you're doing. (BTW, I know I should stay out of this, but I honestly didn't interpret MariaTree's posting to refer to you at all, and I think Lisa meant well when she came over here -- so please don't feel like people are against you. I understand completely why you might be feeling defensive right now -- I'm sure I would be the same way in your place -- but you were and are well-liked over at N-Partners and I find it sad that you don't seem to believe that any longer.)
Maybe we can figure out a way to communicate safely off-line sometime, since again, I really need a hiatus from on-line forums for a while. If not, at least please know that I'm thinking about you and sending positive vibes your way. Many hugs to you.
Jaded911:
Engel,
I know your intentions were good when you posted this to hope. I read t that, I can not help but wonder if I am the only one who feels it is a little bit wishy washy on the content.
We all love you and miss you at N-Partners and we were your friends, however if you would just see that you miss represented Marias post, and you misread everyones feelings for you, Golly hope your N drug you down but I hope you can find some way for peace, and I have to stop and wonder why people just can not understand the whole picture of this situation. I just can't help myself when I see so many contradicting things there.
Now please do not think I am trying to attack you, I am not. But sometimes it is not what is said, it how it is said that matters. In this quote from you:
don't plan to actively participate in this forum (or at this point, any forum) but did want to let you know that I (and others) care how you're doing. (BTW, I know I should stay out of this, but I honestly didn't interpret MariaTree's posting to refer to you at all, and I think Lisa meant well when she came over here -- so please don't feel like people are against you. I understand completely why you might be feeling defensive right now -- I'm sure I would be the same way in your place -- but you were and are well-liked over at N-Partners and I find it sad that you don't seem to believe that any longer.)
To say you understand completely how hope could think people are against her, making her a bit defensive to what everyone said, still hope refuses to believe she was liked there and how sad you feel for her because of her MISS PLACED PERCEPTION of her feelings.
I am sorry but I have to think it really should have just been stated like this, it would have meant the same thing. "Hope, sorry that you continue to misjudge your own opinion, sorry you can not see how wonderful we all were to you, and I am sorry that you can not trust me when I tell you that you were wrong and I was right and Hope, ya just gotta know that I think you are a sad individual because you just cant see what I see, so best of luck in your search for your version of life, it doesnt match mine.
I really am just speaking for myself here, but if I were hope I would not have received one itty bitty bit of comfort from that. IMHO that just told her if she could have played the game by the rules she would not have been ejected from the game. I realised the game was rigged, that is exactly why I forfeited. Gives me the pride that I stood up for what I felt was right, and gives the other side the sense of victory. Sometimes I feel you come out the winner when you lose. Hell, thought I lost losing my xN, who really lost there? Not me, he gave me a one way ticket to freedom.
Anonymous:
IMHO that just told her if she could have played the game by the rules she would not have been ejected from the game.
Jaded, I'm sorry if that's how my message came across. That was not at all what I thought or intended and I hope that Hope knows this. I don't have any interest in getting into an ongoing debate with you or anybody else on this message board or the other one. As one of your guests on the other thread said, none of these debates are going to change anything, either here or there; they only lead to more acrimony and hard feelings on both sides. That may be cynical of me, but I am extremely cynical at the moment, based on lots of experience with disillusionment. That's why I said I was going to withdraw from participating in any forums. I was just hoping to make Hope feel a bit better, because she is going through such a rough time. But according to you, I may have only made her feel worse. Whether you're right or wrong, it's probably best that I just withdraw from all communication from now on, as I had planned. I'm already starting to regret that I posted this one.
Hope, regardless of how you choose to interpret my post (and ultimately, it's your interpretation that matters to me, nobody else's), I did mean it well. Good luck with everything in your life.
Jaded911:
Engel,
Hun I know your intentions were good. I was not attacking you on what you said. It is not the words you spoke all together, it just had an undertone. You do not have to apologise to me, you do not owe me that. I appreciate that you put forth your feelings to Hope, that showed you cared about her. I am trying to think of an example to show you what I mean. Oh got one: You are invited to dinner. You bake a cake for someone as a kind gesture. They thank you for it and you go about your merry way. The next day you call them and they mention something about the cake. You ask them how they liked the cake. They said oh it was good BUT...... it was a little dry...........it needed more icing...........They really liked milk chocolate instead of dark chocolate.......as a matter of fact, I should have known they liked white........
Yes you delivered a cake with good intentions. Yes they said they liked it, but in the next breath they were telling you everything they felt was wrong with the cake. So they basically said yes it is good.....BUT
I did not state this to hurt your feelings and I am not at all trying to do it now. Engel you have every right to speak your mind. I guess what I was trying to say is I always hate it when I have someone tell me something great about me only to follow it with a but.............
It kinda defeats their kind words they just spoke. I am only speaking about how I perceived. I would not dare claim to be speaking for hope. She is free to speak for herself. I just feel it is little things like this that create big things what we just experienced.
I do not know how many times my xN would back up a positive with a negative. It totally negates the whole compliment when that happens.
hope2003:
Engel:
I really appreciate what you said, and I read your post on the npartners board. On the other thread, I sent you a note, in case you were reading.
If you join this board, which takes about 15 seconds, you can send me a private message, and we can try to find a way to communicate.
Please consider this option.
I hope that you are still checking this thread out.
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