How to get a laugh out of an N situation.

[jophil]

I went to the mall today for my midday latte and there was my mother walking along pushing a cart full of groceries. Her eyes lit up when she saw me and she called out." John, are you going my way". Well what did I do next?
 "Yes" I said, "I will give you a ride home as soon as I have some coffee".
Well that started her off, and she whined about waiting, and her feet hurt and she prattled on about how I drink too much coffee ,blah, blah.
I cancelled the coffee date with myself and wheeled her cart out to the parking lot irritated that I had not stood my ground and had my coffee.  
As she was getting in the car she started in with, "This is really messy in this car -you need to pick up the papers. Your brother has a nice Jaguar and he keeps it clean and tidy, more blah,blah".
I said" Maybe you would like to ride home in a nice taxi - they are really clean".
I jumped out and waved my arms in the direction of the line of cabs which were parked near the entrance. I opened the back door and started grabbing her groceries.She goes as white as Micheal Jackson and says ,"No, take me home , it's fine, I'm OK" So I drove her home humming to myself and she said not one word ...

It never ends ,does it?

[Portia]

Hiya John, you made me smile, thanks. Did it feel good for you? I hope so! Bunny said somewhere recently that what narcisissm fears most is humiliation. True imo. Laughter is a good antidote, as is acting like you don't care, or even acting a wee bit eccentric - I like it

[Stormchild]

Good on you, John!

Ooooohhh, I have another one for next time!

Do you have a cell phone? I'm sure your brother must...

... next time she starts with the comparisons,

and there aren't any taxi stands nearby,

you can just call him to come pick her up,

 so that she can be transported in the style to which she would like to remain accustomed.



it does help, a lot, to have some of these scenarios prepared in advance, if you know what's coming!

[write]

we're all having an assertive time!

Go us!!!!

[bunny as guest]

John,

Good on ya. Your mom will think twice next time. It's best that she sees who is the alpha male around here. KEEP IT UP.

bunny

P.S. Loved the "white as Michael Jackson" line.

[mum as guest]

man, I wish so much to have one of those big assertive moments.  Instead I feel like I just chip away, trudging along, one step at a time to freedom.  I have a few of those moments, but the very next moment is humbling again. Ah, life.

My attorney's receptionist is an interesting woman.  She told me of a great "power moment" I thought I'd share.
Her ex (long ago) was dealing drugs. She turned a blind eye, until he brought his "business" home.  She was a cop(!!!HUH!!!?).  So she said, "I am going to the mall and will return in one hour and 30 minutes.  In one hour and 35 minutes, some "friends of mine from work" will be coming over.  Whether they escort you out in handcuffs at that time is your choice."

Now, I don't know about the legal position that put her in, or if there is much more to the story, but the "power point" was made.  Very cool.

[jophil]

Hi group, even though the event above went MY way, my mother is still the same nuttso.  Curiously she is not the N in the family - my father was. ( died 1993) However my mother seems to have 'absorbed' and now practises all of his nasty NPD ways. The same arrogance, need to dominate and humiliate,the same callous disregard for her adult children , the same fierce determination to prevail at the expense of others.
 She was,apparently, very dependent and submissive when they married.
She had a nervous breakdown when I was 4 years old and stayed around for to have two more children. She tried to pretend the abuse was not happening when I was young -my father was 'strict' according to her.
Blah, blah.. it gets tedious doesn't it.

[Guest2]

"mum as guest

man, I wish so much to have one of those big assertive moments. Instead I feel like I just chip away, trudging along, one step at a time to freedom. I have a few of those moments, but the very next moment is humbling again. Ah, life. "

Actually, I think the little moments are more meaningful, since those dramatic times are not going to come up often.  It's better to have practice for the 'everyday run of the mill, catch you off guard, well it's not that big of a deal, but if not why am I still so angry' moments.
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"Hi group, even though the event above went MY way, my mother is still the same nuttso. ...Blah, blah.. it gets tedious doesn't it".

Ah, no, it is not tedious.  All that you can share is bound to help someone, in addition to you.  You do deserve to be heard.  If the bad things that happened to you can have a good side, make it that they help you be a deeper person and help others through it.
 
Your mom learned at the feet of a master!  Now she is an expert.  Don't expect her not to practice her trade!

[Anonymous]

Good for you for putting your Mom in her place.  Don't get me wrong, it's a Mom's job to nag but it is an absolute disgrace for a Mom to berate and humilate.  

You did the right thing.

Best wishes
Mia