Firstly, let me thank all of you who wrote in response to my first email. It does help to know that there are people out there in the same situation and that know the N drill. I am trying very hard to go in the right direction to distance myself from my Nmother. Your words of support do help - after being beaten down for most of my 51 years, it's good reinforcement. I was literally brainwashed, not understanding that the rest of the world lived this way. No one else understands as well as all of you out there, who have had firsthand experience with this madness.
It is amazing how determined this woman is - she actually managed to coerce the staff in the psych ward to call our home. She did this twice, leaving 2 messages on our answering machine. My stomach sank when I heard her voice, but my husband grabbed the phone and immediately called the ward. He spoke first to a nurse on duty telling her that our number should not be given to her. She could never remember it on her own, due to dementia and Alzheimer's. He then asked to speak to her, and all she did was give him lip service. Of course, in her messages, she only wanted to speak to him. She did not mention me once - that is part that still kills me. Coming to grips with being an "orphan" isn't the best of situations. My Dad is gone and basically I don't or never did have a mother. I really mourn that loss, it leaves me so empty and feeling unwanted.
Back to the phone conversation:
He was very direct to her on the phone her replying; why am I here? I want to go back, am I ever going to see you again?, etc. When he told her that she wasn't pleasant to me the last time we saw her, all she would say was, "I'm listening", over and over again. She even had the nerve to tell him he was being cold! COLD?! Christ lady, you invented the word! She also told him that she made a mistake in mentioning suicide... hah, that backfired didn't it? Trying to control and manipulate me so you could push my buttons? She expected my husband to bail her out of the ward, and then accused him of putting her there. He finally stopped talking and the nurse made her hang up. Bye.
I don't know what will happen next - I guess they have to dry her out of medications again and see what will work. I doubt she will be going back to assisted living, physically she's fine, but mentally? I guess we'll have to wait and see what her case worker says. Yet another long and exasperating road for both of us to take.
