Something Triggered By David P's and Luvmyjacks Posts

[Sallying Forth]

Thanks David P. and Luvmyjacks for your posts about emotional incest and deciding about leaving! Really - I like to get triggered (sounds strange but it works) because I get to solve another piece of my puzzle.

I had the strangest dream this morning. It is the second time I have had this type of dream. Although the first one was about me and this one is about a Golden Retriever. (In the first one I am in prison.) I think I know why the Golden Retriever because they love attention from anyone. They like to be petted and loved.  The dream: There's a Golden Retriever puppy growing up in a cage and never seeing a person or having them pet him. He's starving for attention. He's crying and whimpering for someone to reach out to him. People walk by him as if he is invisible.

After I woke up I started thinking about this dream and how it related to my life. As a child the only kind of affection I received was mental/emotional, sexual and physical abuse. And what kind of relationship did I get myself into? A marriage to a man who has zip ability to give emotional and physical affection. In his childhood he was sexually controlled by his Ngrandma. She made her grandson her "little man." So there was emotional incest as well. Yet my h is starving for physical and emotional affection but doesn't know it. Instead he sexualizes the affection he desperately needs. Meanwhile I am starving for physical and emotional affection as well and receiving nothing.

I don't know if my h can ever give me what I need.

I can see part of my problem is this huge father hole that no human can ever fill. As a child I was never affirmed, loved and given genuine affection by my bioNfather and my Nfather. I feel like that puppy in the cage - never being affirmed, loved, touched, and held by a single human being, but especially never being affirmed, loved, touched and held by the fathers in my life. Being disregarded as if I don't exist and my pain is ignored and not heard. Of course this was the theme of my childhood, year after year of abuse and neglect yet desperately needing to be heard and seen.

Voicelessness.

[miss piggy]

Hello SF,

This dream must be very significant to you if you felt so strongly that you had to share it here.  What really jumps out at me is that your unconscious chose a Golden Retriever for the dog part.  Any type of dog could have appeared in your dream (you probably know that) but there it is, a golden retriever. 

In addition to the qualities that you mentioned--love attention from everyone--it is a wonderful pun.  The dog is young, it's golden, and it's a retriever.  Still time to learn new tricks to get that love, it's valuable, and it can bring back the love you need.  Golden retrievers are also the most popular breed in the US (I think it trades places with Labradors for the #1 and #2 spot in popularity).  Everyone loves them!  So it would seem very strange indeed for a regular healthy person to see such a wonderful living thing in a cage! 

Well, I hope this gives some optimism to your interpretation and is useful.  Can you adopt this puppy as your new mascot?  Just some thoughts.  Hugs to you and sweet dreams, MP

[Brigid]

SF,
Through the help of a lot of therapy, I now understand how impacted my life has been by the lack of love and attention by my father.  To be ignored, constantly criticized and belittled by the most important male figure in your young life leaves many scars.  It has been proven to be the cause of young women seeking the inappropriate attention of boys at a young age (I am a testament to that).  You are so starved for the feeling of love from a male figure that you seek it wherever and however you can find it.  It is also the reason I have made poor choices in my life partners, as I am always searching for a man I can fix since I could never fix my father.

Having an understanding of all of this has been very helpful to healing from it.  I will probably always long for the father I would love to have had, but hopefully not keep searching for it.

Brigid