Wishing N dead...again

[onlyrenting]

Mia, I boy do I feel your pain. Im going through the struggle protecting my 12yr old from her N father.

Below is a web site I believe another poster (bunny) gave for information about N's in court and what to expect.
I printed the 4 pages for the court mediators  to read. I wanted an expert opinion about how N' lie and will try and fool the courts.
I did e-mail Mr. Eddy and he sent me a reply back.  I added his email and highlited stuff about the N. It was free and I felt I had someone else say N' lie. Mr Eddy gives siminars to the courts judges about PD.
I added some court rules regaring charges the court can apply if lying is taking place this is from a web site Mud directed me to.
I have in total about 50 pages or more putting everything I could think of to get the court to understand why I should have custody of our 12 yr old.

Telling your EX he is an N is a good thing. I know communication is difficult and I get the same response from my H.
He e-mails only. The emails are terrible too but better than hearing his voice. I get shaky even when I see his emails
He stopped with the emails to me, he learned the court had copies of many of his rude comments.
I say blast him with all you have, don't feel sorry for him the N will not give up until he has it his way.

Good luck .................OR




http://www.eddylaw.com/index.htm#vol1_no1

[Gail]

My ex-husband used to send me absolutely poisonous e-mails that were very difficult to recover from.  I told him that I would block his e-mail if they continued.  I guess he didn't believe me because they did.   So, I blocked them.  That really helped.  I didn't have to worry, every time I opened up my e-mail, that there might be something from him attacking me again.  He didn't block my e-mails, so I can still e-mail him if I absolutely have to tell him something about the kids or a scheduling issue.  Otherwise I make a quick short phone call or send him something in the mail.  If he gets the least bit abusive on the phone, I hang up on him.  I have zero tolerance anymore.

I don't know if blocking your ex's e-mails would be an option for you or if you think it's better to get them for evidence to use in court.  Someone suggested that to me, too, that they would be valuable in court, but I just couldn't take them emotionally so had to put a stop to it.  I figure I have enough evidence by now if we ever end up back in court again.  Plus, when he knew he had the ability to torment me this way, it seemed to escalate things.

Gail

[mum]

oh, Mia. Please know I'm right there with you.

Your ex IS an idiot and you might consider telling him to "GO FOR IT, SPARKY!!!"
A judge would most likely hang him by his toenails for that crap (hey you may get your wish afterall!). Let him open Pandora's box!

Listen, Mia,  I know that horrible FEAR that just jumps down your throat when you talk to him, or see his name in your email list.... But that pain comes from years of his negative programming. He is counting on this. And although he doesn't sound like he knows a whole lot else, he does know he can get you going.  Start welcoming those phone calls and email (psychologically). Then you can PRACTICE: hanging up on him as soon as he raises his voice (trust me, you will feel good), forwarding his emails to your attorney and then smile and walk away...hug your kids, etc. Better yet, never call him on the phone. Let your lawyer get angry for you. All that money he/she makes should at least do that for you.

I know what scares you...it's the same thing that scares me...that he will harm your kids. The thing is, though, that he is so screwed up, he's not consious of that . These guys think that THEY scare us, just because we are personally under their "power." 

He can only hurt you MORE by hurting your children more......which is why I agree with Mudpup. Only I would go for sole custody, not just the harrassment issue.
He is truly unstable and a bad parent.  You have never lost in court. Don't worry about another judge (although some are idiots, I know that personally).  The judges DO like to back each other up....even if your sympathetic one is no longer on the docket...a new judge will not be starting at square one, and this is osmething your attorney will need to make sure of.

Oh, and as far as wishing he was dead? I will admit to the exact same thinking and wishing, only I KNOW mine will kill himself through anger and hatred. rage and alchohol and risky behavoir.  Just pray the kids aren't around for it.  And with my luck, it will be long after they are both 18 (uggh).
And if I really get philosophic, he is dead already.....as I could hardly call how he is living "life" in any way, shape, or form. The kids are the only thing true in his phony existance...which is why he "wants" to control them so bad.

Like I said before, our exes are the same guy (only, sorry, yours is crazier right now). PM me if you want: I have some great ways to stop being scared.....

[miaxo]

OR,
Thanks.  Is your X diagnosed a N?  You don't have to worry about me feeling sorry for him.  Used to but that is no longer possible.

Gail,
I did block his emails for several months b/c I couldn't take it anymore. However, he began sending certified mailing after certified mailing.  If I was home I would jump everytime the doorbell rang thinking I had to sign for another letter or every time I returned home I would find a card in the mail from the postman that they attempted to deliver one of N's mailings.  I have only recently opened the email  to him.  Even though it stresses me I am learning that the more he writes the stronger my position for sole custody becomes.  In the meantime...as you know....is pure hell.

October,
I see your point.

Hi Mum,

Your ex IS an idiot and you might consider telling him to "GO FOR IT, SPARKY!!!"

   

And if I really get philosophic, he is dead already.....as I could hardly call how he is living "life" in any way, shape, or form. The kids are the only thing true in his phony existance...which is why he "wants" to control them so bad.

YOU ARE SO RIGHT!! 

I think this weekend while the kids are with thier N (unfortunately for them) I will start to prepare a letter for my attorney.  We need to make the first move this time.  It really sucks that I can't even enjoy weekend time b/c I'm always fighting this monster.  The time and energy I have to exert even gets me more angry at times.  I'll channel that anger in a positive fashion to beat his arse. 

Ok, let me fantasize a moment here to get me on the right track and to release some of my pent up frustrations.  Right now I'm thinking how sweet it would be if someone beat the crap out of X N.  Like Mud said...How is that these folks haven't been shot yet for all the insanity they pull.  X N is long overdue to have someone kick his arse.  ANd I would so LOVE to be the person to do it.  No mercy since he shows no mercy for ANYONE. 

Mia