Nightmares

[Gail]

Has anyone else had nightmares when the denial starting getting too hard to keep up or when trying to cope with the end of a relationship?

The first one happened to me about 3 weeks ago, after Katrina.  I dreampt that my life was protected by levees, but that my levee had a leak in it.  If I didn't plug it up immediately, evil was going to come pouring into my life and the lives of my children.  I knew that the leak was allowing bf into my life.  I also knew that plugging the leak was going to be extremely painful and difficult.  I woke up sobbing and crying, "I don't know what to do!"

Last night I dreampt that I admitted myself into a camp/hospital for crazy people--only I wasn't really crazy.  And most of the people there weren't crazy either.  Unfortunately, those who ran the camp were.  The only way to leave was to escape, which was quite difficult and dangerous.  Thankfully, I and several others were able to do so.  Of course, the "crazy camp" was the relationships in our lives that are so crazy making and so hard to leave.

I hardly ever remember my dreams, but these two were very vivid.

Gail

[bliz]

I believe in times of great change in our lives or tough decisions, these kind of dreams are common. The neat part is you kind of work it through in your dream. You realized you were not crazy, but the staff was.  You saw you needed to plug the dike, even though it would be difficult. 

I used to dream a tornado was coming to take the house. I would wake up just as the tornado hit.  Then when I got healthier I would live through the tornado and wake up, (in the dream), and the tornado had paseed.

Maybe just your subconscious telling you there is tough work ahead.

[Bloopsy]

When I was working in this soup kitchen where I felt scared of all the "flirty" , sexually harrassing  men, I started dreaming about that soup kitchen with sharks swimming around in the air!! I realized that I can't be in the position of serving all these men and being sexually harrased at the same time even in the name of helping the hungry!!!!!!!!! It was just too humiliating for me and that dream helped me realize how icky and scary it was to have no boundaries and stuff.
   That crazy people dream sure is signifigant!!!! I feel like that would really make a good book or poem or painting theme too.  I'll never forget the time I stumbled out of some n guys' house feeling like I was going crazy from his lunacy!!!!!!!! My sister was telling me about how they did trhis experiment to find out if proffessionals in a mental hospital could tell who was really "crazy". They put all these "normal" people in the hospital, who only acted not like themselves during their intake interview, and then after that just acted as they normally do and the staff could not tell who was really crazy and who was not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[write]

I've had years of nightmares, some so seemingly benign anyone else might wonder why they keep happening! or why they upset me so much.

It's a natural reaction to pent-up stress, anger and fear.

I have found extremely healthy living- no alcohol, tobacco, coffee, and a good diet, and natural sleep born of tiredness rather than fatigue help me sometimes.

If I'm really together, yoga, meditation and swimming every day keep me really well- but as soon as any external stress intervenes the nightmares come back.

I'm starting to think it's some kind of post-traumatic stress- for me at least- but for people who are still in the midst of their trauma and not feeling in control of their lives, it's probably just STRESS.

[Moira]

Hi Gail and all! When I was growing up and living at home with my n mother I had a recurring nightmare that stopped when I left home. I dreamt that in the middle of the night I'd hear footsteps coming up to the floor where my n mother, sis and I slept. In my dream I was awake and heard the footsteps go into my sis's room nxt. to mine. Heard a body being dragged down the stairs. Person came back up and went into my mother's room and same thing. I would now be paralyzed with fear and lying facing the wall so I couldn't see my bed room door. Heard the door open and foot steps approach my bed. Then nothing for what seemed like hours. I knew that whoever it was was standing next. to the bed staring at me and I could hear them breathing. Still paralyzed. Then able to roll over just as I would see a hand with a knife come down. Then woke up in cold sweat. After I kicked my ex N out 4 months ago had recurring nnightmare that I was lying in bed and saw a flattened shape like a large snake come slithering under my front door and move with lightening speed into my bed room and up onto my bed. Again I was paralyzed with fear and couldn't move. as I started to lift my head up the shape moved right into my face and it had the face of my ex N with glowing red eyes and fangs and a sadistic horrifying smile. That dream has now stopped. Moira

[mum]

Jeez, Moira. I got so scared just reading your post.  How awful.  Ihave heard it said that dreams let our right brain have at it....after being cooped up all day doing left brain activities...
So our fears, images, people, everything gets a free form forum at night...

I had a vivid dream the other night....so strange but I will post to the dream thread (if I can find it).

[write]

the truth is- when we're relaxed and happy our sleep is a pretty natural continuum, but when we have experienced trauma or are living through times of stress- the subconscious acts out our fears.

I am the last person to be Freudian, given the misogynistic, blame-ridden, repressed era in which he worked, but I do believe he was right about one thing: the idea of a dream is about the future, which for most of us who have been abused means fear of further abuse.

We relive our past fears in anticipation of new tortures.

If we can free ourselves of the negative people and influences in our lives, and step out bruised and battered and maybe confused as to where we are going- but confident that our N- tormentors are their own weak selves and not forever dominant in our lives, and that we can learn new skills and truly LIVE WITHOUT THE N I really believe that is the key to reducing our nightmares- both in reality and dream-world.

In my case that meant accepting that my N-h cannot live without me, or believes he cannot to such a destructive capability as to try to harm me.
Once I reassured him that
1) his place in my life was my choice
2) he had to learn new ways of being in my life if he wanted me to stay there and not kill myself
( which for me involved a protracted mental illness from my Bipolar 1 when he got to see exactly what life was like not only without me but with me as an additional burden- where he was told he was the cause of my psychosis, and having to inadequately parent alone)

I write these things now not because I want anyone to go through what my family has suffered, but simply- I feel there are things to learn.

As much for me in writing it down as anything.

PS. we are still a family, despite every day being a challenge, despite our marital breakdown, despite all my nightmares and fears.
I feel this is due to some part of me which made a leap of faith during ( maybe because of ) my last illness and said- do your worst; whilst still somehow saying- I love you.

Sorry if this is garbled, I am typing as I think.

It's not easy- but break free, but if you can do as I did and keep some degree of love whilst avoiding all the usual legal and natural horrible fighting....well it's the path I took, somehow guided ( fools step in where angels fear to tread? I think God had a hand in it, atheist though I was ) but I am no longer afraid of my N-h, he and I talk, daily, sometimes successfully, sometimes not, but we have a relationship. Which we never had before. I enjoy his company sometimes, sometiems a lot. We love each other. But I know now- he cannot be a husband in the way I want him to, and i think he finally accepts his limitations, and has stopped trying to compensate for them with cruelty.

I feel somewhere that I stood up to his cruelty- but still with love. Maybe that option isn't open to other people who are just ordianry humans? Bipolar disorder can give an incredible strength despite its debility.