help !

[tired]

Hi !, I am 70 yrs. old, my husband is 74, married for 53 yrs. have a son 50, daughter, 36, 3 grandchildren, ages, 6, 12, and 26.   I need some insight  or feed back about retirerment, empty nest snydrom, lost relationship with children, ( not on my part, but my husbands)  how to deal with depression, anger, narcissim ect.  ,just for starters,------- is there any one that might want to talk to me ?   please ?    thank you.

[Hopalong]

Welcome Tired,
And no wonder you're weary!
I have found places that have been an enormous help for passages like that:

1--a women's support group (group therapy, really) center in my town
2--counseling with a regular therapist
3--church and small groups within the church, regular involvement
4--this forum (don't forget to look through the What Helps? section too--keep reading)

Good luck and safe nesting,
Hopalong

[marie]

Hello Tired,

This place has helped me so much.  I have only been a member for a short period of time but I know that I am not in this alone.  I am not in the empty nest yet.  One more year... I think about it a lot.  I have a mother that suffers from N.  She keeps telling me that my whole life is going to change and I am going to be very lonely when my daughter leaves.  I fear her leaving us.  My husband is understand but, he has lots of friends and he golfs a lot.  I really don't golf and men don't bring their wifes along. I don't have that many friends.  I have started lately to venture outside my safety zone and make friends with people my age.  I have a older daughter and a granddaughter. They live close and my daughter is great to me.  I have started to sew a lot more( doing something that I like to do) has helped.  I feel for you and this place is were you are going to find help...

Marie

[portia guest]

Hi Tired,
tell us about the depression and anger, and who you mean when you say narcissim. Your hubby? Your kids? Your parents?

I made a decision just a couple of years ago that I didn't want to die angry. And now I believe I won't. It's a great feeling. The grief I feel, the sadness, are much more preferable to that anger. And so much easier to live with, especially as I believe that they too will fade somewhat with time and more understanding.

I wish the same for you. Please tell us your story, or whatever you wish to tell. There's lots of space here and willing eyes to read. Welcome

[miss piggy]

Hello there, Tired...

Well, jeepers, you could be my mother!  My Ndad has just retired, well, a few years ago, and now finds his narcissistic supply in the medical arena.  He has almost alienated us kids but not quite.  We now know what is really up with him and know he is a sick old man.  Sick in the head but using the body ailments as a front.  Always good family fun to run to the emergency room and wish the staff a good morning.  The really really scary part is realizing that he was sick all along (with narcissism & depression and quite possibly OCD).  My personal favorite is his calling the 24 hour pharmacist who lives two hours away at midnight to tinker with the dosage of his medicine and check for cross-reactions. 

When Ns retire, they have no strategy for keeping the old glorious phony self puffed up.  No work life to lose oneself in and no way to redefine oneself.  No ready audience and god don't ask them to babysit.   So they moan and groan about this and that symptom to anyone who will listen.  And boy are they surprised when they realize that the rest of the family has stuff to do (the stuff they've always done when Ns were at work)! 

But now that they are home, they expect wifey to be on remote control at all times, just waiting for the next wish to be fulfilled.  My mother is ready to slit her wrists.  She is finally now past wishing he were different and accepting that he is going to sleep and watch TV until he dies.  Their relationship has died.  No real companionship or outside interests.  Just endless neediness.  I know he is in some great emotional anguish and it is also quite awful for my mother.  She has been reduced to babysitter of him.  She is rather sturdy but it does take its toll.  Fortunately she is "fighting" back to regain her life and hanging on to her friends and activities.

Am I anywhere close to guessing what you are confronting at this stage?  I hope not.  But if yes, then please stick around with us nice folks.  You are not alone and you don't have to suffer in silence.  Post some more and we'll listen and try to help you get some relief.  Take care.  And get some sleep!!  MP