Holidays

[seasons]

Yes,

[Sela]

How about:

"We've had a lot on our plates in the last while and are not feeling up to visiting.  Sorry we won't be attending Thanksgiving this year".

And:

"Also, we are in the middle of renovating our home and won't be ready to have visitors for some time.  Sorry we won't be able to have Christmas at our home this year."

Stick to your guns.  No one will die.  The world will not end.

Both of you deserve peace.  Enjoy your holidays the way you want to.  You won't be committing a crime.

  Sela

[Hopalong]

I loathe the holidays. Nmom pressures me from Sept. on to create a Norman Rockwell scene out of thin air, I-hope-to-God-not-N-but-I-worry daughter boycotts completely. I want to run away. Friends all have things to do and places to go. I'd rather work in the soup kitchen but can't abandon my elder, so I wind up having a torturously pained meal in a fusty restaurant with her and her gentleman friend.

Only thing I want is sacred music, one candle lit, and peace on earth. I would rather not do gifts. The minute the shopping jingles start I want to move to another planet.

Bah humbug,
Hopalong

[Sallying Forth]

I stopped doing holidays with my family in 1986 after my h and I went to a Christmas dinner. My h saw how they treated me and encouraged me to not attend again. He also told me it was ultimately up to me. After a nasty phone call from my Nmother and Nfather I decided to not attend. And that ended it all. I stopped all contact. I thought I would miss it but I don't. The chaotic, perfectionistic environment my Nmother would create was not enjoyable or relaxing.

[Plucky]

The on thing my H was right about regarding relationships, is that you don't have to spend holidays with obnoxious relatives.  I just make sure the rest of them are spending it together, and try to make sure we are doing something they hate (skiing, working a ta soup kitchen, etc).   
You have a built in excuse.  Your home is not complete.  You can't possibly have people over.  You couldn't get a good flight, they are all sold out.    You are so tired from the renovation. 
Yes, stick to your guns.  Otherwise, you'll never get out of it again.
Plucky

[write]

JUST SAY NO!

They'll get over it.

Make your own plans and don't apologise or over-explain, just be assertive.

Once you've done it once I promise it'll get easier.

[Brigid]

seasons,
I agree with what the others have said.  Tell them you can't make it for Thanksgiving and that renovation of your home makes it impossible for you to host Christmas.  Start creating your own traditions, surrounded by those you love.  I happen to be a big Christmas lover and go all out decorating and preparing for the season.  However, with my family situation having changed over the last 2 years after my xh left, I found I could not stay home for Christmas.  I took my kids and left town for the last 2 Christmases, and we had a ball.  I didn't care what anyone thought.  This year we will stay home and I'm OK with that now. 

Decide what YOU want to do and stick to it.  It is a time to enjoy, not struggle to get through.

Brigid