I guess I tend to lump all negative emotions together as "pain" (worry, obsessive concern, fear). Because it hurts me in some way, or keeps me from feeling joy in the present moment.
It is really amazing what our heads will do. I know everybody struggles with this to some extent. I know I do. So do my kids.
My son is an amazing musician, but if his head gets in the way, he can totally blow an audition. I think it might have something to do with attachment.
Anyway, my son has a few friends who weren't really sure they wanted to go to a certain music college, one my son really wants to go to, so those kids auditioned without really caring, and guess what? They did great, and got offered big scholarships.
My son, on the other hand, who cared SOOOO much about it, told me he psyched himself out, and really got scared and didn't feel good about his audition at all. Well, weeks later, he finds out he got offered quite a bit less scholarship money than his friends did. (he did get at least some, though). He will have a chance to audition again, but because he still CARES so much, the fear of blowing it is still in his head. He will go to the school anyway, though, so I am trying to tell him to relax, we will afford it, etc. The person who needs to say this to himself, though, is himself. I'm not doing the audition. I hope he can relax this time and just have fun playing. When he doesn't care, or is confident that it won't matter how he does, he plays beautifully, I've seen him. Maybe it's because when he is on stage he feeds off the audience's energy, I don't know. So circumstances play a part, but the HEAD game seems to be the biggest thing.
I had a presentation to do last week (not a huge one, but one that a lot of money would hang on if my proposal was approved). Granted, it's something I have experience with, so I have a base of confidence with it.
Last year, when I had the same type of proposal, I had this moment right before it, where I said to myself: "what if I don't care so much? What if I decide it's easy and just say THAT to myself" ( instead of: 'they will find me out, I really don't know what I am doing, I don't deserve this'....which would be my tendency).
Not that my passion for what I do would be gone, but what if I wasn't so attached to it going one way or the other? It was very freeing for me to think this way. Then I decided to say to myself, repeatedly: "This is not hard, this is easy! So very simple and easy." I remember thinking that it was either hard or easy in MY HEAD....because I knew pretty much what I was doing, and I thought, "why shouldn't I be one of those people who is competent and cool headed and not worried?" So, in a way, I just ACTED like it was easy...and it was!! Sort of like the phrase "fake it until you make it" or like "Whistle a happy Tune" from the King and I...
My nephew is a race car driver and does pretty well. My brother (his dad) told me that my nephew says he envisions every turn (it's "road" racing) before it even happens. I don't know if this is something psychic or not, but my own son told me that on the auditions he has done very well on, he envisioned it going soooo well beforehand. I know there is some literature on this in sports, and other areas. I guess it falls under things like "future visioning" "creative visualization" etc. Worth loooking into?
However, it almost seems counter to what I know keeps me happy and that is being "present" and in the NOW. I guess it's a balancing game. You envision your sunny future life, then you come back to present and are grateful for what it wonderful now. As opposed to envisioning disaster, because lets' face it, we get to think whatever we want. I'd prefer to spend my thought energy on a wonderful, peaceful, successful future than a negative one.... because my thoughts are my own.
So in a way, there is a choice right there.
I don't know if any of this helps.....I wish you well.
