Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > What Helps?

HELP I am Emotionally exhausted after finding the truth of a cheating girlfriend

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j_stice:
I have been dealing with the ongoing problem of a former girlfriend and have found it difficult to get over some of the things she did. Whilst we were dating she cheated on me frequently she even bragged about it, used to hit me in the nuts and claim it was a joke (or an instinct), insulted me to her family. Once we broke up (because I had difficulties handling it). She continued to call me and we got back together as friends, then she began the desire to re-enter a relationship. Which caused us to break off contact, she used to ring me whilst she was having sex or giving other guys oral sex (some of them I worked with). I have only recently gotten rid of the remnants of her things and tried to return it but was approached publicly at work and berated on "how I have been stalking her for the last couple years" and have suffered the public humiliation of this person revealing all of my deepest darkest secrets.

I have made no attempt to contact other than this occassion (which I told her I would do only to return her stuff) and am finding it difficult maintain a stable relationship because everytime I have had one I ended getting a call from her demanding I break up the relationship so I can be with her.

The last contact I had with this girl was in February this year when during a telephone conversation she insisted I jump on a plane and join her in the UK to try to re-establish the relationship. Prior to that there was a call in November 04 and her contact isn't frequent but is difficult for me to handle.
However, she has a trademark way of showing that she still can keep track of my because I receive calls with no response for approximately two minutes and only get a response after convincing her I know who it is and I convince her that whatever the value of her call she wouldn't have made it for no reason.

Some problems:

1- she has / had a partner at the time (I have no intention of getting back with her)
2- I have been trying to move on from her for a while (but am finding it hard considering the lack of personal space I am getting)
3- It has impacted on my work because she socialises and is dating/ living with one colleague and has active sought after others
4- I have lost friends as a result of the consistant fear and get anxious and nervous everytime the phone rings because I almost always fear the next abusive phone call
5- I have logged nuisance reports with my telecommunications provider and they can do little more
because of the lack of frequency
6- She has befriended members of my family and gets my contact details from them
7- I was forced to resign from one job, relocate on another
8- I was forced to move house to avoid her "visits" to see me
9- I disconnected my phones for 6 months but still got contact

Questions:

1- How do I re-establish my personal space without this constant fear?
2- How do I re-establish my professional career since the industry I work is small?
3- HOW DO I MOVE ON???

Gail:
It seems to me that she is criminally stalking you.  I'd get a restraining order.

Gail

j_stice:
My concern is that I then have to face her again and that is something I really don't want to do.

Healing&Hopeful:
Questions:

1- How do I re-establish my personal space without this constant fear?

I agree with Gail, get a restraining order.  Document everything... have you got any friends you can call as witnesses? (I was a witness when a similiar kind of thing happened to a friend of mine)  Ok, you have to face her again, but isn't it better to face her once, when you expect that you will see her so can prepare for it.  I feel this will help you put what boundary YOU want in place.

2- How do I re-establish my professional career since the industry I work is small?

I don't really know enough about what has happened to your professional career to answer this, but I feel an option might be to get out there and re-connect with the industry.  Any kind of PR do's?  Hard to say as I don't know what industry you work in.

3- HOW DO I MOVE ON???

I feel that the only way you'll be able to move on is when you've got this girl out of your life once and for good.  Then you can re-evaluate your life, have time to repair the damage she has done, get your strength back and most of all, get your life back.

j_stice:
The problem is I am being actively prevented from doing this by HER friends some of whom I work with!

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