Major anger attack! Stalled in resolution!

[Sallying Forth]

I've been away from the board. Going through some major and I do mean major emotional upheavel. So much so that it threw my entire life off kelter for about 5 days. UGH!        Exercise was the only thing which got me back on track. However my eating is still off. I got in touch with some major anger.

I figured out that my healing is stalled in the resolution phase of the grieving process. It is stalled due to my marriage and discovering this during my last therapy appointment is what set off this intense anger. More accurately I discovered this just before therapy. I realized all of my last book is about resolution. I am writing again and again about reconciling but it seems that I am not resolving anything. In my healing journey what appears to be happening is not necessarily true. I may be resolving my grief even though it doesn't look that way.

Interestingly the anger first appeared in my body, specifically in my shoulders, back and neck. I got a massage. When the woman touched a specific spot over my scapula I suddenly felt anger. That was Friday. The anger erupted that afternoon and continued on and off for 5 days. Still not done but the exercise is sure helping me sleep better. I couldn't sleep at all for several days. Then other days I slept for hours. One day a took a 5 hour nap!

[Plucky]

Hi Sallying,
from what you have written before, I would be really surprised if you did not have major anger to work through.
It sounds as though you are working through it. Maybe not as fast as you want?  Maybe you expect to make linear progress and not backslide at all?

Is it maybe that the process will take longer than you want?  Your emotions always take time to catch up to your cognitive side.
I have to say that I am in awe of your ability to heal.  Your will to live, not just survive.  You are, and are going to be, formidable.
Plucky

[Sallying Forth]

Thank you Plucky.

This is true. The emotions are now catching up to the thoughts.

Thanks your insight!

[j_stice]

Lame as it may seem I found something to be weird but true, I found that supporting a sport and watching on the tv helps, maybe it was the yelling and screaming, maybe it was the group acceptibility of yelling and screaming but it has helped me enormously in getting over my problems. Just don't do it when you actually are participating in sports or on the sidelines it can be intimidating for the officials.

The strategy that worked best for me was actually driving out somewhere where there is no one for miles / kilometres find a nice a nice quiet peaceful tranquil spot and then yell until your throat hurts. Then get some water and see if that helps. (Yes I know a weird idea but it works for some friends of mine too)!

[Healing&Hopeful]

SF... well done on facing your anger, well done for knowing it for what it is and well done for working through it.  I don't feel you have stalled, I feel that you are still moving forward.

I agree with j_stice's comment about screaming in the car.... scream your head off.

Take care

H&H xx

[Chicken]

Hi Sallying,

Congrats on having the courage to face this head on, some people choose to avoid it by turning to drink, drugs & abusive relationships.  It takes a strong person to brave the storm...  so well done!

I imagine you are faced with this pain as you have made the decision to leave your husband...  well, you are faced with the truth aren't you?  and it's painful.  You will come out of this a better person.  Get it all out of your system.

You go girl!

[mum]

hey, Sally. Anger is such a slippery thing for me. I never know where it is, it's hard to put a finger on it and pin it down, but I certainly can feel it's presence (in my back as well!!!!).  My son wrote a poem when he was a small child and in it he wrote "anger tastes like rotten spaghetti". I agree.
You are doing an amazing job with this, really. Maybe consider letting go of the need to get out of this horrible stuff. It's ok to accept and sink into the muck. You won't drown there. Not you.
I found it best to accept that I have NO IDEA what I am doing most of the time, but I do what I can to stay awake and aware so I can act when it makes sense to.....and stamp a giant WHATEVER on my forehead for the rest. We just are so limited being human and all.....and feeling compassion for myself when I can't figure it out has really saved me.
I wish you peace (beyond the five hour naps).

[Sallying Forth]

Lame as it may seem I found something to be weird but true, I found that supporting a sport and watching on the tv helps, maybe it was the yelling and screaming, maybe it was the group acceptibility of yelling and screaming but it has helped me enormously in getting over my problems. Just don't do it when you actually are participating in sports or on the sidelines it can be intimidating for the officials.

The strategy that worked best for me was actually driving out somewhere where there is no one for miles / kilometres find a nice a nice quiet peaceful tranquil spot and then yell until your throat hurts. Then get some water and see if that helps. (Yes I know a weird idea but it works for some friends of mine too)!

Interesting ... I used to watch Sylvester Stallone movies, you know, Rambo. And other ones like it to release my anger. Always worked for me.

This anger is specifically geared towards my h and it is about time.

[mum]

This anger is specifically geared towards my h and it is about time

This sounds constructive and empowering.....especially if "it is about time".
Best to you Sallying.....sending you clarity and strength.

[j_stice]

Hi SallyForth,

Don't let the anger worry you it show that you have self worth (and an inner voice), all I can say is from my experience it is part of the resolution process. If you weren't working through this anger then you would repressing it or internalising it, so believe that the anger emerging is good. Just remember that it should pass and is necessary.