Flippin' N!

[mia]

For of those of you who remember my saga.....EX N is at it again.

I just received a motion he filed today.   Same BS as usual.  Asking for a reduction in his child support along with his usual nonsense.
Of course he planned it to ruin the holidays.  Without fail he always *schedules* his attacks to occur on birthdays, holidays, etc.

I'm so overwhelmed right now.  Open up the friggin' wallet now for the lawyers.  I can't believe this.....that's a lie....I can. This monster will forever torment me.  I feel like up and moving across the country.

I AM SO P1SSSED OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARGHHHHHHHHHH!

[write]

hi Mia

send him a Christmas card, a huge glittery home-made one, from you all, as if you are having the best time ever.

'cos compared to him- you are.
Money is nothing in the spirit of Christmas- it was so much more fun doing it all on a tight budget and everyone being really appreciative of what they receive/ enjoying to contribute.

And imagine living a life where your only goals or triumphs are to hurt others...even your own family.

What a jerk.

How dependent on him are you? If you can cope without him I'd be tempted to settle the motion by saying you understand he can't properly provide- and you'll take care of it.

Don't be overwhelmed, ring-fence it all as 'more of the same'.

He's only a monster whilst you're upset and afraid- don't let him know the pissed off bit.
Send that here.

[Plucky]

Write I know what you mean but,
if at all possible, don't let him get away with it.  Can the lawyers settle it between them without your involvement?  I would go that route, rather than letting him have his little encouraging success.  Above all, do not have any talk with him about it.   If he brings it up, say, hasn't my lawyer spoken to your lawyer?

Also, what can you hit him with that you were previously too big of a person to drag up?  Again, only if you can make it happen in the background without too much involvement on your part.  Think of it as a clogged drain.  You always need drains around, but you definitely don't get too excited about whether they are doing what they ought to or not - just call the plumber.

My 2 cents.
Plucky

[Marta]

Write:
How dependent on him are you?

I don't think it is about Mia being dependent on him, it is about child support, not alimony, if I understand the situation correctly. It is also about justice, and him being responsible for his children. It has far reaching implications over and above a few thousand dollars here or there. Someday your children will  want some answers.

Also, just by giving in he is not stopped but encouraged. After all there will be other fences to jump, other boundaries to violate, since you are tied to him for life through your children. If you let him get away, he'll bother you re. visitation rights, you name it. No end to this sage. Stick to your guns Mia. The only way to get rid of Ns is by being razor sharp about your boundaries IMHO.

I can understand your frustration and fury. I wish they'd invest a pill for Ns!

Marta

[mia]

Write,

Believe me there are been so many times I would like to approach him and say that he doesn't have to pay a penny...just be off with your N arse so that the kids and I never hear from you again.   Of course he wouldn't go for that b/c he would worry what others thought.  "Hey N where are your kids?....Why haven't your kids been around? Etc

Even if I give in to this he won't be satisfied.  As long as he is paying a penny in child support to me it will be a penny too much.

I will get over the $$ money going to the lawyers.  It's always the initial shock of receiving the papers and then the anxiety about going to court that gets me. I have also heard through my attorney that the judge on my case left for another division of the court.  This worries me since that Judge was on my side.  Who knows what the next judge will be like.

Thanks for your words of encouragement. They are appreciated.

Plucky,
I'm not dependent on him but he would tell it differently.  He feels that the kids and I live this lavish lifestyle off his child support checks.  He has no clue how much it costs to raise two children.

And yes, I have a ton of stuff to drag up.  In fact I met with my attorney last month to strategize how to use the evidence so that I could gain sole custody.  My lawyer says I may have enough but it would be safer to get a little more.  He also said that X N is notorious for filing motions and that I would be better served to wait until he has filed something and then slam him with all my stuff.  So I guess it's good that X N filed but it's a little sooner than expected. 

Marta
It is about justice.  I pray that this time around the courts make X N pay my attorney fees.  He is motioning the same stuff he was denied less than a year ago and the courts don't like to see that.  X N has the nerve to ask the courts for me to pay for his fees in his papers.
I promised myself last time that I would fight him to the death if he were to file again.  It's time I hold myself to that promise.  I do have a lot of evidence against him regarding his inappropriate parenting and abusive treatment of the children.  I pray it's enough to yank shared custody (I am the custodial parent....he has shared parenting in regards to decisions for the kids).

Anyway, thanks everyone for taking the time to respond.

I am anxiously awaiting the return of my Husband who has been away on business.  He is so good at calming me down.  Unfortunately, we are in the middle of a snow/ice storm so I'm pretty sure his return will be delayed. 

I spent most of last evening faxing this obscenely long motion to my lawyer.

I shouldn't be surprised that I have a major migraine today.  Thank goodness for Imitrex.

Best wishes.
Mia

[write]

 am anxiously awaiting the return of my Husband who has been away on business.  He is so good at calming me down.  Unfortunately, we are in the middle of a snow/ice storm so I'm pretty sure his return will be delayed.

hope he's soon back safe to comfort you!
(((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))))) 

[mum]

Disclaimer....to all, I'm typing with one hand....broke my good one, so pardon the typos
Mia, 'I'm right there with you, siser! My ex is currently doing the same thing....he's been paying $500 LESS per month as a "temporary agreement" since May. H will owe me a pile when this fianlly gets settled.  I have let my lawyer simply duke it out with his...and if that doesn't work, I'll see him in court trying to make a plea as "poor me"....and if he gets away with it....may he and his money have wonderful, intimate moments in hell together. I don't want his monay....butit's for his CHILDREN not me (they never see that do they???)
But I remember well, the Sunday mroning that I got served with THOSE papers infront of my children. Pure evil. That's pretty much what we are dealing with, Mia. And when you are in the grips of this realization (again) that's when fear (more evil) takes over.
A little like getting hit by a train, even if yousaw it coming, it still hurts like hell.
You won't stay in this dark place, Mia. you will come back up.  Pu your hand up, reach for something happy and hang onto that...let the beast wallow in his self created hell....you don't want  to be there. You won't stay for long.
Just keep your vision of how you want life to be for yourself and your children....and every time that a**hole becomes part of that picture in your head (hey, it's your thoughts, right?) just think differently (he is GONE...I'm sure you can pciture that!!)
Anyway, that's what I do as much as possible with my ongoing "sh*t slinger".
Vent here....let it go....envision what you want.   It will be ok!
sending love and light
mum

[mudpuppy]

Hi Mia,

I promised myself last time that I would fight him to the death if he were to file again.  It's time I hold myself to that promise.

Don't react to his behavior and pull the trigger prematurely. You don't have to file anything immediately after he does. In fact it would look like merely a reaction to his filing. Make sure you have overwhelming ammo, then when you are ready go ahead and file regardless of whether he has been active or quiet. The type of suit you would file is a reaction to an accumulation of years of misbehavior on his part. You will look more sober and sensible and just plain unable to tolerate the intolerable if you sue him independent of any particular provocation on his part. Otherwise it just looks like tit for tat. Besides you may gain a lot of valuable evidence in this latest fiasco he is planning. Good luck.

Mum,

Tell me you broke your hand on your ex's thick skull. Please.   

mud

[mum]

great advice, Mud! Mia, I know how frustrating this is, but the last time I "put my foot down" with my ex's email rantings, both of our attorneys said: "THEY sure know how to push each other's buttons!" Greaaaaaat.
As much crap as this guy gives you, the less you can react emotioanlly, the better, both FOR YOUR peace of mind, and for looking good legally (as in YOU are not the irratioanl, emotional, one).
Mud, I wish the break had happened that way! Much less heroic, and actually quite stupid (no, I didn't punch anyone/thing)

[mia]

I feel beaten down.  Depressed. Sick to my stomach.

This freakin' N won't get off my back. 

I feel so desperate to be rid of him.

[Plucky]

Mia,
I feel for you.  I hate that jerk.
There are 2 ways to be rid of him.  By force, meaning, getting him out of your life by pushing him out and keeping him out.
Or, by the opposite of force.  Just step aside and let him blast past you.   Let others use the law to thwart him.  Keep yourself above the drama and don't let it in.
Could I do it?  I don't know.  But I hope I could, and I hope you will try.  Your ex has little power, even though it seems he can ruin your life.  You don't really need him, when it comes down to it.  Your children don't need him.  He is an annoyance, a superfluous irritant in your life.  You have a wonderful family and you are mentally intact.  He is none of these things and probably never will be.  You and your life are far superior to him and his.  Just recognise how futile his existence is.  Especially if his main triumphs are to try to make you miserable, and at some point you will figure out how to prevent this.

The only thing he has to hold over you is money, and this is money you could live without.  You do not need his love, his attention, his time, his knowledge, or anything from him.  The sole power he has is to try to withdraw the one thing you are getting from him. That is pathetic.  At the same time I am angry for what he is doing, I feel sorry for him and how sad his empty life is and will always be.  Buck up.  You are holding all the cards.
Plucky

[mia]

Thanks Write, Mum, Mud, Plucky.

I meet with my attorney on Monday.  Any positive thoughts, prayers sent my way would be much appreciated.

Mia

[solayads]

Hi there,

I agree with Plucky:  If you can at all do without his money, proceed without it.  His concern is not his children; but to try to make you miserable and to keep you in his cycle of madness.  If you told him that you wanted no monetary support from him, his behavior will take a major turn because he will be totally shocked --shocked that you don't need him or anything he has.  It would devalue his sense of importance in your life.

As long as he can keep something going with you, even things that trouble you, he feels that he is having the contact that HE needs to satisfy his own ego.

Try dropping the money issue and observe the chain of events afterward.......


Solayads