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A Who in Grinchville? Lost in lostville is where I am.

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Anonymous:
Hi Acappella,



I guess it was the hopelessness and frustration I heard in your recent post that led me to believe you may have been seeking the ideal. Sorry if I misinterpreted it,


--- Quote ---Where are the "good" families that talk about things? Is it a lie that they exist? Have I just watched too much tv? I don't belong in my family nor in his and I wonder if I will ever belong anywhere.
--- End quote ---


Another thought to follow up with my earlier response was that sometimes that when we are in the throes of healing, others' weaknesses are magnified because we are seeing the world through new eyes.  I would assimilate it to one who has recently gone through the twelve step program in AA and is completely intolerant of having anything to do with anyone that drinks a beer after work on a Friday night - even if they may be a very healthy person who is fully capable of responsible, social drinking.  Perhaps this is why you are naturally seeing only red flags when you look around you at the moment - every social drinker looks like a raging alchoholic - and anyone that talks about themselves for a minute has the horns of narcissism growing out of their head  :twisted:  

To be human is to be with flaws and weaknesses, and that may include some narcissistic behavior. True healthy relationships mean accepting the person for whom they are, including these weaknesses.  The question then becomes... am I strong enough to accept a level of "normal" narcissism, and further: what is a "normal" level and who that I come in contact with exhibits this?  Unfortunately, this may not be obvious in a few brief meetings. There may be risk taking involved - you may not really know the answer to the question about a new person you meet until you have become involved in their life to a degree.  

Perhaps finding that middle-ground type of relationship building in group therapy or other structured groups before getting more into an new intimate relationship (with friends or even romantically) will be helpful with your new-found frame of mind.  I think this is probably why they exist.. to prepare us for socialization in a new mindset.

I cannot speak from personal experience here in terms of groups.  In fact, this board is as close as I have ever gotten to group therapy.  I went to an ACOA meeting once and found it to not be for me at all.  But for most people, I am told it works well for this very purpose we are discussing.

Again, I must claim ignorance in the area of the non-denominational church as well, I only know what I know from the people whom I associate with that are involved in it - and they all tend to be very enthusiastic when questioned but without procilitizing (I never cared much for the forcefulness of certain evangelistic testimony as I believe that spirituality is a VERY personal thing).   I don't know enough about it to to say for sure, but I believe that it is loosely-Christian based, and even if it were, the indication of "non-denominational" would lead me to believe that your visions of Jesus nailed to the cross at the altar and having to say fifteen hail marys is probably not the idea   :lol: .  In any event, I'm sure it would be worth exploring.  I have entertained the idea myself and have not pursued it, I guess only because I am a baptized Episcopalian (though admittedly not very practicing, maybe a few times a year).

I don't know if this was helpful at all, just spewing out some more random thoughts.

CC:
I am really having trouble staying logged on lately.  I have to log in two and three times in a row and it still kicks me out.  Anyway that was me above

and P.S. Acappella, baby thing is doing better.. a lot of morning (all day) sickness but at least things have calmed down with Nmom.  thanks for asking - CC

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